Earlier today, I took the Videogum mascot out on one of her daily parades through the streets. You know, for morale. While we were out there, we met a couple of very young children. One of them was really interested in whether or not Birdie poops outside. When I said that she did, he said, “Not me, I only poop inside, in the toilet.” Then he said, “My favorite color is light blue. And dark blue. And all the colors. What is her favorite color?” I said blue, and he nodded. I’m telling you this because it’s basically the best thing that has happened today anywhere, and you should always end your week on a high note. That is what mascots are for in the first place!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated Comments, the Lowest Rated Comment, the winner of this week’s Helen Mirren’s husband Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice:

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 nakedpainter | May 7th Score:99

I will be. ZING!


Posted in: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments
#4 Jeb | May 11th Score:100

You laugh, but do you see the looks on those girls’ faces? He’s crushing it, 7th grade style. He’s going to hold SOOO much hand, dude.

Posted in: Kids Cover Lady Gaga At Talent Shows The Darndest Things
#3 lemonne | May 11th Score:111

“Click here to join the facebook group to get Helen Mirren’s wax replica to host Saturday Night Live!”

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t You Caption It? Contest: Helen Mirren’s Husband Has Fun
#1 Capu Flapu And The Spasmatic Pentagrams | May 7th Score:129

On at least three occasions the lowest voted comment has been by someone who has asked to be the lowest voted comment. Which leads me to wonder whether this will work…

Can I be the highest voted comment this week please?

Posted in: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Ed. note: Between philplusbert’s comment and this week’s Caption Contest winner, Steve Winwood has become quite the meme around here. Fair enough. Congratulations, Steve Winwood? All of your aggressive, contrarian work paid off. And congratulations to everyone else who made it into the ball for doing so with jokes and meaningful contributions, rather than lazy provocations.

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

nightheat | May 10th Score:-48
whatever man. I’m here, on planet earth, thinking about things that happen… on planet earth, devoid of superhero’s, marty mcfly’s, batmans, and iron mans. go on an epic rant defending comic books as an art form… while 210,000 gallons of oil per day are making their way into the gulf, get batman to work on that, comic-book-faggot.

i’m reading.

Posted in: The Videogum Movie Club: Iron Man 2

Ed. note: And thus was the Steve Winwood winning-losing streak broken. Nightheat, you have been around for a long time, and I know for a fact that you have left lots of funny and clever comments. But I also know for a fact that when you decide to voice your negative opinions about something on the website, you do so in such an obnoxious way. So this is pretty well-deserved, and it has nothing to do with your dislike of superhero movies, which is a perfectly reasonable, valid, and defensible opinion to have that I don’t think anyone would find too problematic. But, really? Comic-book-faggot? Do better, Nightheat. I know that you can.

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

Steve Winwood’s Grandpa | May 11th Score:130

I thought I taught you to use periods at the end of sentences, boy.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t You Caption It? Contest: Helen Mirren’s Husband Has Fun

Ed. note: Congratulations, Steve Winwood’s Grandpa. You earned it!

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

Ed. note: I realized that no comment from a Friday post has ever been the Editor’s Choice in the Monsters’ Ball. It just isn’t fair, which I’m sure is a proper use of the word “fair.” We do alway seem to get fewer comments on Fridays, maybe because of the weekend, and MAYBE because people know they’re never going to win this INCREDIBLE HONOR. Well, that changes today. Also, did you see that tiger? He is surrounded by pigs! Very cute and very UNEXPECTED combination!

Comments (129)
  1. Team All the Colors

    • That was truly a great story. Birdie AND little kids who talk about poop. *CLAPPING*

      • I went to a festival today with my friend and her dog. A child came up and asked to pet the dog. While she was petting Kira, the little girl turned to my friend and asked, “What does she like to do for fun?” I thought it was amusing.

  2. Wow, OK, that actually worked.
    This week my aim is to be the 17th highest voted comment. Make it happen, monsters!

  3. I am posting this here cause it basically belongs in every thread on Videogum ever, but since I am going to be kidnapped by a juggalo tonight, I will not be around to post it.


  4. …missed it by that much (3 votes much.)


    PSYCHE! Just kiddin’! I don’t give a care.

    Have a nice weekend, brohams and bro-hettes.

  6. mydaughter'sname69  |   Posted on May 14th, 2010 +35

    Awwwww, look at how much fun we have at Steve Winwood’s expense, you guys! And some of you want him to leave? That would disrupt the delicate balance of the Videogum ecosystem. His comments are like the manure that beautiful flowers grow in. These guys know what I’m talking about:

  7. Monsters, can i ask a favor of you all?
    At my school we have this organization called SOOTS that helps elderly blues musicians in NC by helping pay their medical bills and releasing their music to people. It’s basically really great. Well, SOOTS is up for a chance to win a $5,000 grant.
    The favor i ask is for you monsters to go the website and vote for SOOTS so it can win money to do wonderful things. Old blues musicians would really appreciate it.
    here’s the site:

    Also, this was a fun first week. Thanks and happy friday!

  8. I had skipped the Iron Man discussion because I haven’t seen it yet, but I just took a peek and man did it get NERDY up in there! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that…)

  9. This is as good a place as any to make a suggestion for a new column: Hey! What’s Up With Birdie?

    • I would have liked to have another Birdie vid this week, but I realize that mascots ARE very busy lifting the lowly masses everywhere. I hope you don’t get too tired, Birdie! You deserve a nice belly rub and a nap with your favorite blanky!

  10. That Tiger is in so much trouble.

  11. I feel like Gabe’s comment to Nightheat is equivalent to being scolded by your elementary school teacher. You know, in that passive-aggressive way that is ten times worse than just being yelled at. That’s what you get when you pull your schoolmates’ hair, and throw rocks at girls Nightheat!

    • I’ll be the first to say it, I like Nightheat. Even when he’s an asshole and throws around slurs. I just feel like he actually puts some thought into his assholish hate. Steve Winwood just types disparaging comments randomly with his forehead banging on the keyboard.

      Take notes Steve, Nightheat just taught you how the real adults party.

      • I actually prefer Winwood for that same reason. He rarely means anything he says – because he usually puts so little thought into what he says – and the few times he does there’s no real malice or contempt behind his comments. Whereas Nightheat – and I agree he can be funny – apparently has no idea how to argue what he knows is going to be an unpopular opinion without preemptively defaulting to anger and bile. I can see myself having a beer with Winwood and enjoying myself but Nightheat? He makes me want to do Daniel Songer’s Beat It (which I tried to make a gif of but couldn’t for some mysterious reason so here’s more of the dancing girl instead).

        Happy weekend!

        • As much as I don’t want to validate people who obsessively catalog their feelings about anonymous blog commentators, I have to give credit to “Krakatoa Is Watching, Silently” for all these Alizee gifs. Jesus god in christ, did I even know what happiness was before I saw these? Sigh…

          • You spelled my name right this time! Are we bonding?

            Yes, I know I get carried away. But only when I’m drunk which, if you look, is why my “obsessive cataloguing” usually happens on a Friday night.

            When I’m sober, I don’t take anything as seriously as it probably appears I do from my drunken ranting. But since I’m now obsessively cataloguing me feelings about myself, I’ll stop and leave you with this new Alizee gif instead.


  12. nightheat can borrow my copy of ‘The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Clay’ anytime. You know, for reading.

  13. Little kids and puppies are cute, and also silly because they don’t know anything

  14. Well I didn’t know we were even holding an election, but I’m honored. I will consider all of the votes for me to be votes in support of proper spelling and grammar. I spent my whole life teaching English to animatronic nightmare children in a rural Georgia school. Well, it wasn’t so much a school as it was a tree stump out in the swamp, but we had fun anyway, and we learned things! I’m proud to say no opossums were devoured by alligators under my watch, and what’s the thanks I get for retiring with a perfect record of zero student deaths? Only having to watch the kids of today intentionally abusing the conventions of the English language through a series of electronic tubes. At my age, I have a hard enough time figuring out who Justin Bieber and Lagy Gaga are without the added difficulty of misspelled words and misplaced punctuation. Speaking of which, what is with this Ke$ha girl? I don’t mean to be rude, but I have my doubts that that is her real name. What is the world coming to?

  15. Great job this week, monsters.

    • I think I just died from cuteness.

      I know, I am soooo pathetic, but growing up in WI where the cows nearly outnumber the hicks, you tend to be an animal lover (hicks not so much).

  16. That is what mascots are for in the first place!

    indeed. they are also, apparently, for starting initially very pleasant, and then very awkward, conversations with little old ladies who have been in your neighborhood since 1959 and, after exchanging pleasantries, want to discuss at length the current racial makeup of the area as compared to the good old days.

    “oh. you live there. you’ve got mostly asians on your block. except for that one family of blacks that’s next to the church.”

    “uh. yeah.”

    “oh. you’re the one with the latin wife.”

    “uh. yeah.”

    my mascot walk got a little weird on wednesday.


  18. I just had my last day at work in the porn mines. School starts June 1. In a few short years you’ll have to call me Dr. Godsauce.

  19. While Steve Winwood seems to enjoy negative attention, I merely have strong opinions about things I hate, and resent any criticism to those opinions, and I get easily carried away… it’s the internet. I’ll chill on the slurs/namecalling, sorry y’all. Sorry Gabe. Sorry comic-book bro. Sorry to that other dude.

    • To be honest, you were killing me with your white-hot fury. I hate comic book movies, and I just don’t get comic books. Well, I do get them, like, I understand them b/c I am a 25 year old man who went to college. I just don’t get why they are held in such high regard amongst my shadow-lurking nerd brethren. HOWEVER, faggot? Really? C’mon nightheat, don’t do that.

      • I think he gets it! yaaay!

      • Right, okay, everyone needs to start differentiating between superhero comics and comic books in general. As others pointed out PERSEPOLIS is a non-ficiton memoir about growing up in Iran and it’s amazing. Also amazing is FUN HOME by Alison Bechdel, hands down the best non-fiction memoir I’ve ever read in ALL OF LIFE. So when nightheat was saying “i won’t ever read those stupid comics” it was enraging because, fine, superheros don’t do it for everyone, but PERSEPOLIS and FUN HOME are about as “real world” as you can get. The are personal memoirs that are just beautiful.

        So the whole “comics are stupid and juvenile” thing is stupid. I’ve read plenty of text novels that are pieces of mental vomit. Every genre has its crap and its masterpieces.

        • I agree, lemonne. That absence of being clear and specific is what sparked the whole bullshit debacle. That was the only thing I was hoping nightheat would clarify. I had no idea that what happened was what would happen.

        • Also different: comic books and MOVIES based on comic books.

        • Aren’t those called graphic novels? Or graphic memoirs?

          • Yeah, but a graphic novel is a collection of comics. For instance, Palomar, or Love and Rockets; those came out as issues of comics and when they are collected into book form they are called graphic novels, but they are still comics. Persepolis did not come out serialized, does that mean it’s not a comic? I seriously don’t know, it seems like a fine line.

          • Henry Miller writes graphic memoirs.

          • @ Napoleon Complex @lemonne

            Graphic novel is a SUPER-LOOSE term, these days. But usually any comic that came out as individual issues and then was collected is technically called a Trade Paperback (or ‘Trade’). A graphic novel originally was a sequential art story that was put out all at once as a finished story with a beginning, middle, and end.

            So any collected comics that were 22 page monthlies first are technically just comic book trade paper backs. Whereas books like Maus and Persepolis are graphic novels, published all at once like anyone would publish a whole novel.

            At the end of the day though, they’re all just comic books. I’m with Alan Moore on the different comic book terminology- it’s mostly just a marketing tool.

    • you’re opinions are your own, but there’s something about the word “faggot” that brings out the hate. as a gay man who finds offensive humor hilarious, i don’t really get upset by the use of the word “fag”. words are just words. it’s the feelings or emotions behind them that give them power (“faggot” is definitely more negative and hurtful sounding than “fag” though). any word can be offensive when used to describe someone in a negative way. is it less offensive if he had said “comic book nerds”? to most people…yes. but what about people who have been bullied their whole lives for being “nerds”? i realize that some people are going to argue that it’s not the same, but really, it is. but what do i know? i’m just a fag who loves to read this blog. i should be asking my “comic book faggot nerd” boyfriend what he thinks…

    • It was suggested up-thread that you’ve shown Steve how “the real adults party.” But here’s what I think.

      What separates this site from all others I’ve seen is the lack of contempt. There’s a lot of snarkiness but I think what most of us like about this place is that people can post semi-ironic or even totally-non-ironic, unabashedly “awwww” pictures of fluffy wuffy bunnies without being immediately shot down. Those of us whose teeth start ringing from too much saccharine cuteness (like me) just keep our mouths shut, because even if we don’t get a thrill from fluffy wuffy bunnies, none of us wants to be a bunny killer. Or if we do thirst for the steaming blood of a fresh-killed bunny, we at least have the decency to hide it in company.

      Yes, this is the internet. But there’s a whole big internet out there for you to vent your rage into. If you can’t take the time to understand and appreciate other people’s points of view, maybe this little corner of the internet isn’t for you. That’s harsh, I know, but I just don’t believe that your apology is genuine and I don’t believe that it won’t happen again, purely because the degree of dickishness you exhibited during the initial argument was so unprovoked. You all can hate on Steve Winwood. I’m gonna hate on Nightheat. Grow up, man.

      Saying that you “get easily carried away” just doesn’t cover it.

      • Its not like I’m on every post begging for acceptance via comment section Videogum Steve Winwood style.

        I say what I say, when I say it, which isn’t that often… I’m just a dude, that occasionally brings it, its not really worth hating.

        I have no idea who you are and I really don’t care. Hate all you want, bro-bro. Go have an imaginary beer in your imaginary bar with your imaginary friend Steve Winwood. I’m gonna keep rocking and rolling.

        • The funny thing is, that was a very Steve Winwood-esque comment. So do I love you or hate you now? I’m so confused. I’ll go think about it in my imaginary bar. The bar of my mind.

          Om mani padme hum.

        • “Begging for acceptance” and “being a decent human being” are different.

          No one here makes the claim that people should have the exact same opinion. But being the only place on the Internet where one can have a decent, respectful conversation, even in disagreement, is why I come to Videogum.

          I can go to Youtube if I want to be called a faggot.

    • I’m with you on having strong opinions, nightheat. That’s why my initial reaction to your proclamation as to what all comic book films are (and one could then extrapolate, what all comic books are) was one of “please specify- because surely you know not all are like that.” I presumed you knew what I was talking about, and I was wrong. You flipped out.

      I don’t care whether or not people like comic books. I like comic books, and that’s good enough for me. I feel a certain obligation to see how the film industry adapts the source material, so I see a lot of the films, and for the most part I am not a fan of the flash-bang-whiz that most of them are produced as. There are some truly awful comic book films. Even the most lauded, like THe Dark Knight I have a list of silly problems with. At the end of the day though it’s all just entertainment. We can all take it or leave it.

      I would just like to say that maybe in the future you refrain from flying off the handle for no reason like you did.

      I know you know that if you voice a dislike for something you admittedly don’t know much about, that someone will come along who is more knowledgeable because they are a fan, and they may want you to expand upon your initial point and clarify to gain a greater understanding of what it is you’re trying to say. Then at the very least both parties may learn something.

      That’s a much better scenario than immediately name-calling, sticking fingers in your ears and going “la la la la la la la la la! I don’t listen to faggots!!!”

      But whatever. Forget it, nightheat, it’s VGum-town.
      Apology accepted if it is me you are in fact apologizing to when you listed “comic-book bro” or “that other dude.” I don’t take ridiculously malicious comments personally.

      • I wish shellbomber was here to give you a high five so that she could use her awesome Cash Cab high five gif to illustrate her point, but I will fill in for her in a slightly less inspiring way by giving you this:

        High five, KajusX & Chainsaws.

        For the record, I like typing out KajusX & Chainsaws in full because I imagine you as a child growing up in a poor neighbourhood. You’re playing solitaire marbles (is that a thing? I don’t know) on the sidewalk when a shadow looms over you. It’s the Big Kid. “What’s YOUR name?” he asks. “KajusX & um… Chainsaws?” you answer, your voice going up an octave at the end. So he beats you up, of course. But you never waver. Throughout your entire history, whenever anyone asks you your name, you never say, “Kajus X. Enchainsauz,” or “KajusX & Chainsaws Smith,” or “Ka Jus X from the planet Anchayn of the Soz system” (in an attempt to weird them out). NO! That is not you! That will never be you! Let the beatings follow, you don’t care! It is your name and you’ve already suffered so much for it that to deny it now would be to deny all that is best in you, all that it has helped you become. You are KajusX & Chainsaws! Nothing more and nothing less.

        This little mini-story popped into my head the first time I typed out KajusX & Chainsaws in full and realized what joy it gave me. So there you go, KajusX & Chainsaws. KajusX & Chainsaws.

        KajusX & Chainsaws.

      • I know its all entertainment, what irked me about Iron Man 2, and what i originally posted was that I found it particularly ethnocentric. And on one level it is just entertainment, but on another i have this theory that it perpetuates the right wing spin machine, the antiquated notion of superiority Americans feel over the rest of the world, and it justifies the military industrial complex, the idea that we need to maintain and invent new weaponry for some unseen force out there thats trying to attack us. more weapons, more war. When Don Cheadle flew off with one of the Iron Man suits and handed it over the military, I was disgusted, I imagined horrors of it being used on pakistani civilians, ect. I just thought it had zero insight about what the reality is in this country. therefore, iron man’s complete irrelevancy = every single comic book ever made.

        I know there are cool, intelligent, relevant comics out there. Watchmen is one of my favorites.

        but all of this is me reading way too deeply into it, its Iron Man 2 for fcks sake, but in a way, attacking comic books/comic book films like Iron Man 2, is me against Right Wing America, its dumb, i know.

        • Now, you see? I can upvote a statement like this! Yay!

        • No, I totally agree with this version of what you said. So why didn’t you say this in the first place? Definitely something worth saying.

          I enjoyed Iron Man 2 and I’m not gonna apologize for that, but the fetishization (not a word) of high tech military weapons bothered me too. Making killing more impersonal doesn’t make it more right.

          Also, might does not make right.

          This is a discussion worth having, right? So maybe next time, state your point more clearly and don’t get so pissed off from the get-go. Not everyone hates you. You don’t know me, I don’t know you. We’re all clean slates to each other. Use that. State your case. You’d be surprised how many people agree with you.

          Also (and I know I over-use the word also) I am so fucking drunk right now. I am saying this now so that I don’t have to say it tomorrow.

          When I said I was hating on you, I didn’t mean that as I HATE you. I hated what you wrote. But, holistically, I hate you a little bit less now. A little bit (don’t get cocky).

        • I think that your reaction to the military getting the suit was exactly what you were supposed to think. Tony Stark is a re-imagining of Howard Hughes, arguably the father of the military-industrial complex. Iron Man is partly a commentary on that institution as the “American Way”. The character was invented to explore themes related to America’s industrial expansion in the Cold War, and though the technology has advanced, many of the themes are the same in this era. I think it is completely relevant.

          • Yes, but if it explored it at all, it did so in an entirely non-partisan way. It was both “oh, isn’t this weapon tech so cool” and “oh, the ramifications.” It definitely wasn’t a message movie, but it allowed you to take whatever message you wanted from it.

  20. I’m just here to pimp my way-too-long Andy Rooney comment one last time because I spent waaaay too much time on Wikipedia for that thing.

    As you were.

    • These are the kittens of the cat that gave birth behind my dad’s house a couple of months ago. Had nowhere to put the two pictures, so you get them Monsters!

  21. I was wondering why that Tiger would be so comfortable with the piglets, and this image with explanation made some sense of it.

  22. Yeah I was apologizing to you. I didn’t need to go there. We can have our disagreements, but I needlessly took it too far. It was lame of me.

  23. Holy CRAP! I never thought I would make it! (I’m just not witty enough!) I ran into the living room waving my arms about being #5 this week and my family was like, “see, people love you!”. A little bit of LOL and a little bit of ARGH.

    Thanks, Monsters, for making my weekend and probably my week! SMOOCHES!

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