teacher

You remember in school how your teachers didn’t seem to understand ANYTHING that was really going on in the world? And how, much like PARENTS (Yuck! Booooo!), they would insist on corny antics and hammy jokes to try and get your attention and respect? As if the way into a child’s heart is via self-imposed humiliation? Well, it is now 2010, and adults live in a world of iPods, and The Wire on DVD, and “rated M for Mature” video games, and $300 bottles of whiskey. Surely teachers, who are adults, have joined the rest of us in this rareified world of mature pleasures, and have finally realized that children just want what we all want: to be treated with dignity. Surely teachers, the thoughtful and educated gatekeepers to our childrens’ intellectual future aren’t making silly lip-synch videos to pop songs that haven’t been popular in 20 years and posting them on YouTube in some kind of misguided attempt to prove they are “getting jiggy with you.”

Oh, teachers. Still just a bunch of corny, charming, ridiculous, lovable dorkballs who don’t know anything. GIVE US YOUR WHISKEY MONEY, DORKS! (Thanks for the tip, Becca.)

Comments (88)
  1. Everybody dance..NOW!

    my avatar was created for this very moment

  2. I love them allllllll. Especially the dude with the bag of Cheetos! And the rapping gym teacher with the boombox in his trunk! I hope they’re Moonies so we can all have one giant mass wedding.

  3. Gabe has a negative view of his school years because his classroom was always short on inkwells due to trade restrictions imposed during the Crimean War.

    • Maybe Gabe’s displeasure with Betty White’s resurgence in popularity is due to his childhood resentment of Florence Nightingale.

      • Yeah, but he’s still GRRREAT in bed.

        *howwouldiknowgum

          • Mans doesn’t have a reply button, but it’s really a reply to you both…. thanks for trying to be such great help, but I am going into panic mode right now. I don’t even know why the hell I’m online…. I feel like such a moron, but things are still really, really bad. I guess I tried reading Videogum today to feel better but for some reason this afternoon I’m going down the poopshoot. I really don’t want to write more…. this is Videogum, not Depressiongum or Panicgum.

          • NP,

            I posted the picture because I was happy that you seemed to be better after yesterday. I am sorry that you still feel down.

            I am glad that you feel comfortable talking with us and letting us try and help you. It takes alot of courage to let your guard down and ask for help. It seems like nearly everyone here has suffered from depression, or loves someone who does, so I think I speak for everyone when I say, “We hear you.” It has been said dozens of times before, but you can get through this.

            That said, I think it is important for you to get some real medical help where you are. All we can offer you are our words and our empathy; words and empathy that I know everyone here is more than willing to give when you need it. I hope you’ve seen how much you’ve touched us and how much we care and how the people here will go to great lengths for you.

            However, depression like yours, as you know, is not something we can talk you out of. It will not listen to our reason and our kind words. It is a disease, a physical disease, like cancer. Our words can hopefully help get you through those dark moments, but we can’t cure the problem. Only a medical professional who sees you on a regular basis can help you find the solution. I know you probably feel like you’ve tried it all, but trust me, there are alot of people here who have felt the same way, have been in the same place, and who will tell you that there is a light; that there is hope.

            What I am saying is this: We are glad you are here. I am glad. Come, talk to us, let us know how you are doing and let us help you if we can, just as you would help any of us; come for a laugh; come for companionship and community. At the same time, let us know that you are taking some steps where you are to get help. It might be slow; it might be difficult; it might be painful–but I will tell you, there is relief for you. We will support you while you try to find it, but please let us know you are trying.

            Take care and have a good night.

  4. It looks like Backwardshat McGymteacher has been waiting for this moment HIS WHOLE LIFE.

  5. The three Rs: rhythm, rapping and Running Man.

  6. I like the good sport teachers who obviously wanted no part in this but couldn’t let their dorky compatriots down. Those are the real heroes.

    • My favorite of those are the ones who are aware they are dorks and have chosen to become the quiet types who enjoy what they enjoy but just want to be left alone. They are the ones who repeatedly glance off camera while awkwardly moving their mouths or stuntedly moving their hands or bodies, as if begging, “Can I stop, please? Can I only be in this for two seconds?”

  7. My high school journalism teacher would throw pizza parties for our class at his house where we would watch South Park and stare in awe at his basement, which was a creepy museum of thousands and thousands of never-opened toys and action figures, 40-Year-Old Virgin style. It was cool and sad, especially because he had a life-size cutout of Kelly Ripa in his living room. To re-state Gabe’s point: be nice to all those socially-stunted and eternally lonely teachers!

    • I am so glad you are still with us today, chocotaco. You must have been one of the lucky few.

    • Not entirely related, but my Jr. High gym teacher would watch the boys change while eating a banana. Even at eleven we got how weird and creepy that was.

    • Are you sure it wasn’t the real Kelly Ripa, because she is just as thin as her cardboard cutout…

    • My high school journalism teacher was amazing and super weird. He had polio when he was a child and drove an awesome vintage truck! He didn’t really care what anyone did as long as you got your assignments in on time – my friends and I would regularly walk to the grocery store across the street to get donuts, go and sit ouside when the weather was nice, or just leave earlier when we had his class last period. Once he had a beard-growing contest with our (equally crazy) theatre teacher. He retired the same year that I graduated, and apparently the newspaper is a lot better now, but I bet it isn’t as fun.

  8. These are, truly, all of your teachers.

  9. But why? I mean, huh?

  10. My dad is a teacher and kids still quote his corny jokes to me, 15 years after we all had him. BUT he never did a video like this, so I can’t complain too much. Not to say I didn’t love the video, cos I did, I just wouldn’t have if it’d been my dad and his colleagues.

  11. I want to put them all in my pockets and kiss their little dork heads!

  12. Mr. and Mrs. Cool Teacher, all.

  13. Our band teacher promised to shave off his beard if enough of students made it to band finals. I feel like these teachers must have made a similar pact.

    • our middle school principal promised to shave his beard if we sold enough wrapping paper for whatever it was we were selling wrapping paper for. we did and he shaved it during lunchtime – half during Lunch A and half during Lunch B… it remains a vividly awful memory.

  14. Thanks a lot, Glee.

  15. Huh, my gym teacher was just like a squirrel too, always tryna get a nut when he was around us eighth graders. He’s in jail now.

  16. Geordi LaForge visor + Flashdance sweater = your crush

  17. I definitely have friends that would think that’s hilarious. That’s so hard for me to admit.

  18. I sure am glad the drummer (janitor?) wore the “Back in Black” t-shirt and not the “Highway to H-E-double-hockey-stick” shirt because inappropriateforschool. (“You turn that shirt inside-out, Mister!”)

  19. I can’t be the only one who immediately began choreographing just in case I am ever asked to participate in such a video. Always. Be. Prepared.

  20. I like the one teacher who can’t be bothered with a lib dub because he appears to be catching his balance ever so sensually.
    He’s around 31 seconds.

  21. The teacher monsters aren’t here to defend themselves because they have real jobs. :(

  22. As a member of a new generation of teachers, I would like to say that I would either volunteer to do camera work assuring that I would not make it into the actual video or hide in my classroom with all of the lights off until it was over. Teachers can be cool! I have 14 tattoos! AND I’m not the art teacher! I go to punk rock shows! I’ve had students dye their hair to look like me and beg me for mix CDs and still contact me 3 years after I have taught them.

    We’re not all lame and lonely….although I did spend the majority of Saturday night organizing my comic collections….those things won’t bag and board themselves…right? Ahem…

    Anyway, who knew this song was so long?

    • New Generation of Teachers! Whut, Whut! Cowbunga, man (I think I’m using this right)! As a fellow teacher, I was voted best dresser (yes, there is such a thing) of my fellow educators and as I broke up a fight in the hallway, the students ran off, saying “uh-oh, here comes Mr. B!” So, I’m not only sazzily dressed, but I’m something like Morgan Freeman in “Stand By Me.” Fear and respected but also loved.

      Teachers can be cool dangit!

  23. Shouldn’t teachers know how to spell remake?

  24. I would like to get werttrew’s view on all of this.

  25. :seriously rethinking my career path now:

  26. Can you get injured from cringing too much?

  27. Let me say, I love teachers. My mother was a teacher, my father and step-father are school administrators, and my wife is a college professor. Teachers are great. Some stink, but that’s part of the fun as well.

    One of my favorite teachers was my high school biology/chemistry teacher. He was really smart, generous and cool; shaved his head and had a massive beard; rode a motorcycle to school and eventually retired to open a bike shop. He was also a vegetarian and atheist and though he didn’t bring the subjects up, was always happy to talk/argue with the class in a thoughtful and non-condescending manner (this was rural Kentucky), always respectful of what people thought, but willing to argue his point because he trusted us to be smart and understand. He was a good guy.

    • I adore my teachers! But I still find this loly. A couple of years ago the movie making troupe had a group of teachers lip synch the intro to Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” and it was hilarious.

      Teachers are the best, both at teaching and being awkward.

  28. I just wish they had changed it to “Everybody Learn Now” so the kids don’t get mixed signals

  29. Yeah, I seriously can’t watch this on account of second hand embarrassment.

  30. I count at least three teachers I would regretfully hook up with after a strong showing at happy hour.

  31. I just can’t right now. I. Just. Can’t. I get embarrassed whenever this song comes on ever on the radio and/or TV and/or in a movie and/or etc. It’s just sooooooooo stupid and dorky and embodies too much of the 90′s “If it feels good, dance about it!” attitude. That being said, I CAN do the guy in the red and blue rugby shirt. And I will.

  32. Also: is it sexual harassment if someone lip syncs “Work me all night!” at you with a big doofy grin on their face?

  33. I appreciate that the video is titled “Everybody Dance Now! Re-make” so that people don’t watch it and go, “Oh, so THAT’S what C&C Music Factory looks like.”

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