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Land Rovers are a morally reprehensible vehicle. They’re bigger than anyone needs, they require an extraordinarily obscene percentage of the world’s limited natural resources for an individual’s transportation needs, and people’s concept of what they require for their safety is wildly overstated. There is certainly a safety standard one can expect from a modern automobile, but, I mean, a car crash at 80 miles is a car crash at 80 miles an hour. Goodnight, nurse. That being said, THIS AD MADE ME LAUGH. So I’m definitely going to buy one of these stupid cars for sure. I hate talking to crazy people, too! I’m going to become a boss in some shitty office and hire a weirdo just so I can make him come down to the parking garage with me and speak truth to crazy from the safety of my new Land Rover! Well, it’s going to take me some time to climb the corporate ladder, probably. But I will speak truth to crazy from my 3-5 year-old Land Rover! (Via AdFreak.)
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We get it, commercial editors! He’s walking with a sword in his belt, we can see it. We don’t need to hear that canned sound effect over and over to remind us.
Feel lucky, few hear that sound and live to tell of its annoyances. For most, its the last sound you hear.
When I carry a sword in my belt, which is usually (ladies), I draw great strength from the jingle of its might.
Man, this’d be great for the next person who comes up and starts washing my car with a sword. Today has been a safe-up Nerds sorta day.
Nice try, Land Rover, but the internet has already taught me that NO ONE can take advantage of someone with a Great Sword.
A roommate of mine liked swords and liked sparring with swords. he had a scar on his chin from a ‘sword related accident.’ He also made his own chain mail. I just kind of let him be, y’know?
A buddy of mine was big into LARPing and also made his own chain mail while we roomed together.
He never finished the shirt he was crafting for me.
i just found a big ole machete strapped to the backboard of the bed i share with my boyfriend. i decided the correct response to that was laughter and teasing.
You found Danny Trejo strapped to the backboard of your bed?
That is kind of badass. Like he expects gangsters to bust in late one night, and have him at gunpoint, and he will pretend to shrink back against the headboard in fear — then, slice! thwack!
Not badass: One day, on a whim, and because I am a sucker for anything marked “50% OFF!!!,” I bought a sword at the beach. A couple of weeks later I went on a date, and on the way to pick her up, I panicked that we would end up back at my place, and she would see the sword and be like “OMG GEEK dealbreaker.” So I U-turned, ran inside, and hid the sword in a closet.
A couple of weeks after that, I was sorting the closet and accidentally left it out. She saw it, and laughed and laughed, just like you southernbitch. So much laughter.
But by then I owned her, so there were no dealbreaker consequences. I did, however, decide the sword better remain out of sight.
I love the thought of you thinking “well that’s a pretty good deal on that sword…”.
Did you realize that following the purchase, you would have no choice but to walk around in public holding a sword?
$300 is still alot of money.
As I was paying, I realized I not only was about to spend the next couple of hours at the beach with a sword, I also had walked to the beach and so, now with a sword, would have to walk back home. It occurred to me, too, that police might stop me.
Once, I was given, as a going-away present, a plastic ninja sword by an employer of mine. He collected Mighty Morphin Power Ranger related items and it was the only thing in his office he could part with when he remembered that it was my last day.
Thanks!
Months later, I was pulled over for running a stop light. Oops. It was a routine stop until the cop noticed the plastic sword in my back seat, called for back up and then made me get out and they searched my whole car because I had a weapon.
someone was selling swords at the beach? that seems like an odd place to buy/sell swords.
we do live in a slightly murder happy neighborhood, and he has expressed the fact that if anyone breaks into our house, he’ll be able to react quickly. there’s also a bat under the bed and a shotgun in the closet. and there’s talk of buying a handgun. really at this point i’ve decided that he is a good investment for the future. i mean, the apocalypse is always around the corner, and at least with him at my side i’ll have a small arsenal at my disposal. plus he knows how to hotwire a car. when the downfall comes, i will be well prepared.
I live in a fairly safe place. Nevertheless, many nights I lie awake wondering, “If someone were to break in, how would I defend us.” There isn’t any thing at all upstairs in our house that is weaponesque. I guess I could toss handfuls of Feline Pine at the attacker.
NOTE to INTERNET: Please do not attack me.
I mostly lie awake worrying about zombies rather than garden-variety attackers. They provide their own set of challenges. Like, I gotta go for the baseball bat in the closet rather than the cast-iron grill pan in the kitchen, because even though the pan is heavier and more likely to cause brain damage, I need the range the bat provides me. And then, once I’ve sprinted past the hordes of undead up the stairs to my boyfriend’s apartment and grabbed him and his 4-wheel-drive vehicle, do we pick up my parents (who have guns and physical fitness but are 20 miles out of the way) or head straight for the mountains?
The sad part is, this entire comment is true.
I think you’re my soul-mate, K-Hud.
My wife does not believe me when I tell her that Zombies are the only thing I am scared of (not counting heights, bugs on my skin and eating at Subways in gas stations), but I really am.
It is the terrible feeling that no matter what I do or where I go or how much firepower I have (which is none), it doesn’t matter because eventually I will be so out numbered that nothing can stop the shuffling, groaning wave of horror slowly enveloping me and everything I love.
i’m not as terrified of the zombie apocalypse as i am terrified of the collapse of modern society. it is a very deep, very real fear for me. not just because i live in a post apocalyptic city, or because i live in the south, where there are tons of highly armed, incredibly awful people surrounding me, but also because i come from a long line of paranoid, distrustful people. lucky for me my parents have actually built a survivalist bunker. being a redneck has it’s serious perks.
a few years ago i moved to ca and had to make new friends (scary). and then i made some friends (yay!) and, very shortly into our blossoming relationship, they explained their “zombie attack” plan to me – where we would go, how we would get there, who we were bringing. i thought they were joking for the first 10 minutes, until i realized that the complete alignment between them on all points reflected hours and hours of sincere discussion. anyway, if anyone is in monterey, ca when shit goes down, head to the portola plaza – i’ll explain the rest once you get there.
When I was in college, we would go to the library and rent study rooms. Well, one of my friends would always ask for the same room. So one day I asked her why she liked that room so much, and what she told me was that in the event of a campus invasion of zombies that particular room would be the safest place on campus b/c there were no windows and the door was too heavy for the zombies to break in. I, of course, found this a little strange. But now I am questioning if it really is. You guys have shown me that this a real fear that people deal with everyday, and I should no longer pass judgement on her. Thank you!
so this talk about zombie invasion safety made me really nervous. but luckily the closest thing for me is the nearby kindegarden that’s turned into a police training school. so i have some real, zombie-silent-hill-apocalypse-ghost-children thing in my favor. and monkey bars!
i just hope there’s a zombie-rebelliongum when shit gets real.
This story screams “Venice Beach.”
That’s a bingo.
In college, one of my friends bought an actual Samurai sword off eBay. We all had fun throwing fruit in the air and slicing them until one night when he got wasted and started carrying it around and threatening ppl.
I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have a sword in their house, or at least some sort of large blade not designed for kitchen or yard work.
My son has a lightsaber under his bed. It lights up and everything. So we are PREPARED.
Reminds me of the time I stole a sandwich from the grocery store I was working at and two guys came into the break room and asked if they could talk to me and I replied with, “Is this about the sandwich?”
Turns out my ex-girlfriend tried to “kill herself” again and these guys were her two most recent boyfriends requesting my presence at an intervention.
Man, I wish my ex-girlfriend would try to “kill herself”. (Just Kidding!!! Kinda!!!)
If I ever met your girlfriend, I would point to you and tell her, “That’s your boyfriend.)
Ok…..And she would be like, “Yeah I know, weirdo. Who are you again?”
My office looks just like that, but with Dilbert comics.
“I don’t understand, when you guys brought me into this place, you said it was for some real deal cost cutting.”
(booooooooooo)
oh man. Land Rover is fucking with the meat chopping community like southpark is with gingers. It’s ALMOST like racism.
the next two-handed great sword infomercial is gonna HAVE to fight back. I bet the fill a land rover up with raw meat and do chinups on the roof rack.
And you pussies in your priuses are gonna die, who’s doing the right thing now
I was going to try and defend Land Rover (now a division of Tata Motors) b/c they make one of my all-time fav vehicles, the Defender, but you win, Gabe.
http://www.fueleconomy.gov/feg/noframes/26490.shtml
That website is NSFW because it just made me barf all over my desk. You’re paying for premium gas to get 17mpg max on top of probably a $500 car payment. Seriously???? I feel like I’m getting ripped off when I get less than 38mpg in my Yaris.
yay for the yaris! I fill my car up like twice a month. she’s my baby.
Land Rover. Making 2012 feel that much closer with every mile.
The Defender is awesome. I drove one when I was in the army (drafted), it’s so much more fun if you don’t have to worry about breaking it, and the government gives you huge forests to mess around in.
My Boss: Mans, I need to talk to you.
Me: Is this about my scorpions?
My Boss: What? No. I love these things.
Me: (Sidelong glance).
Is this about my monkeys with ebola?
It’s about all the poison dart frogs, isn’t it?
It’s about me not wearing a bra?
If collecting swords is crazy and scary, what does that say about these nuts that collect GUNS?
oh dude. I might have to change my life and invent the bulletproof hybrid so that I can make the commercial that fucks with the gun nuts.
“this is about your guns. we’re taking them away now.” (window goes up)
I THINK it’s more like THE FACT that he BRINGS THAT shit is WHACK. THERE’S SOME serious fuckin CRAFT THAT goes into THE MAKING of a sword or (ESPECIALLY old) guns. THE shit is BASICALLY A WATCH that can KILL people. LET’S KEEP the politics OUT OF this shit. DEAL?
UGH. BRINGS THAT shit to work THAT IS whack* FOR SOME reason I accidentally DELETED THAT shit. MY BAD.
I gotta go anyway. but no, if I were sticking around I’d probably talk a LOT more shit about the NRA. you got lucky patriot.
JUST BECAUSE the NRA is full OF A BUNCH of fuckin TARDS DOESN’T MEAN you have to COMPLETELY SHIT on a bunch of LEGITIMATE COLLECTOR’S pastime.
I’m going to find a Land Rover to shield me from your collection of capital letters.
But it’s his meme. Let him be great.
It depends on what kind of guns we’re talking about. There are people who “collect” guns (shotguns, AK’s) but are really just amassing an artillery, and there are people who collect antiques weapons with history and meaning behind them.
My dad was one of the latter. He had a bunch of Civil War-era rifles, lugers (I think that’s a thing) and even a few swords. Now, my dad is not crazy or even that interested in guns, he just loved the history behind them and thought they would make nice wall decorations (at least until I was shot in the chest a few years ago, he kinda changed his tune after that), which was interesting to explain to friends.
The other kind worry me though. I know people who have like 15-20 guns. They also have gasmasks. There’s a fundamental paranoid disconnect from reality with these kinds of “collectors”. They’re survivalists. It’s not a political thing, AmPat, but you can’t tell me that someone who feels a need to own more than one gun (one I can see) is a perfectly balanced individual.
I’M TALKING about the FORMER, mostly. I GET THAT this individual in the COMMERCIAL IS supposed TO BE CUHRAZY. But I JUST DON’T like it when people LUMP THAT shit in one PILE. MY FATHER, TOO, was a collector OF WORLD War I, CIVIL WAR, and even A FEW REVOLUTIONARY War-era GUNS. MAYBE I TOOK it too personal. I AM sorry.
ALSO I’M REALLY sorry that YOU WERE shot in the CHEST. I WANT to make it CLEAR THAT I’M NOT condoning you GETTING SHOT in the chest!
Oh, no worries. Made a “full recovery” eventually (I’ve learned that term is misleading). Don’t think you were being insensitive about it at all. I’ve had countless people I barely know ask “what’s getting shot like”. Uhhh… it kinda stings for a bit? Fun? I’ve even had people’s first reaction after I tell them be “Holy shit, that’s awesome! No, not that you were shot, but that I know someone who’s been shot.”
People are weird.
I also have a friend who’s been shot. I have a picture of him in my wallet. This may seem like a joke but it’s actually 100% true! (his picture is on his “business” card)
even crazier: nuts who HOARD guns. #bestepisodeofhoardersever
Yeah, the hoarders/militants are the ones I was aiming at initially (no pun intended). I can understand antique collectors, no problem. But when it gets into the, “You guys wanna come over and see my collection of ASSAULT RIFLES?” Sheesh.
Note to self: If boss doesn’t own a Land Rover, feel free to adorn office with samurai swords.
This is definitely the highlight of the day.
well, they said “you’ll FEEL safe inside” not “you’ll BE safe inside”… wonder if the interior is setup like a womb.
as cool as toshiro mifune was, i refuse to buy a sword.
this was a weird ad for swords.
land rover must be branching out in a down economy.
someday when bullets have all been spent, swords will still slice.
they are timeless tools of death.
ok, i will buy a sword. i think this ad worked after all.
Even the great Toshiro Mifune carefully considered his purchases and what their impact would be on the world around him.
(Well, I DO want to slice through everything that defies my wishes) *purchased*
We Should Buy More Swords, You Guys
This sword hangs on the wall in my office. The top two bones pull out into daggers.
Those of you who have watched “Knife Show” on one of the paid programming channels know what’s up.
KNIFE SHOW is one OF THE BEST examples that GOD IS REAL. That show IS THE FUCKIN tits.
It helps that you are a Dragon Exterminator. Or an Insurance Adjuster. I can’t tell.
We all make jokes about sword play but when it comes down to it, what skills are you developing to fight off the Ruskies? Wordplay? Impeccable grammar? Postmodern self referential humor? Think about that, monsters.
I think all you need to fight off the Ruskies is an American V-8.
As Gabe said, “They’re bigger than anyone needs, they require an extraordinarily obscene percentage of the world’s limited natural resources for an individual’s transportation needs, and people’s concept of what they require for their safety is wildly overstated.”
Oh wow. I actually own 3 V8′s. One of them is the 4.0 they use in the Land Rover, (mine sits in a temperamental Jag.) I also own a ’89 Suburban that has been raised and modified to the point that it could probably drive through one side of a house and out the other. I have a shotgun, and a revolver, DO have the gas mask, but no swords. And I’m not even a conservative. Guess I’m kind of a dick. Go figure.
this really needs its own videogum headline.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hfLZozBVpM&feature=player_embedded
it’s a two handed great sword for fuck’s sake.