During the opening monologue of last night’s episode of The Jay Leno Show, Jay aired a screencap of a fake Facebook page for Faisal Shahzad, the alleged Times Square bomber. First of all, really, Jay Leno? Fake Facebook pages? I’m pretty sure George Lopez had a line item added to his TBS contract that said “no fake Facebook page sketches, too lame.” George Lopez! He’s the lamest! Even he knows! Anyway, the fake Facebook page (woof) included interests such as Rollerblading, and BLOWING UP NISSAN PATHFINDERS. AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. I get it. Because he tried to blow up a Nissan Pathfinder in an act of violent terror in the middle of one of the most heavily trafficked tourist centers in the world, which also serves as a symbol of American promise and prosperity. LOLOLOL. Then, under affiliations, he had: Al Qaeda and Team Coco.
Wait a second.
Let me just get this straight. Jay Leno capitalized on an attempted terror attack on American soil, in New York city no less, where bad memories remain for most Americans concerning the last such event, a thwarted attack that serves to underline the TWO FUCKING WARS AMERICA REMAINS EMBROILED IN PROBABLY FOREVER, not to mention an attack that will inevitably keep us in the near-constant state of racist paranoia that has been the trademark of this new century, in order to score a cheap potshot against the dude who got fired so that Jay could keep his job? Do I have that right?
I’m not saying that Faisal Shahzad’s terrorism FAIL is somehow too sacred to be made fun of. I don’t think that the international struggle between modern capitalist society and fanatical Islam (or other terrorist organizations) is going to be resolved or assuaged by NOT making jokes. Make jokes! Let’s have some fun in this life while we are still in it! Laughter is the best medicine unless the disease is having been blown up by a terrorist! In which case, take two heavens and call me in the morning! (I’m practically a doctor with all my insider’s knowledge of the jargon.) But if you haven’t been blown up then LAUGH AWAY.
No one is as tired as I am of this protracted dispute between two multi-millionaires over an antiquated programming format that is literally on its last legs. But surely we can be adults about this. Surely, even those of us whose moral cores are so withered by our own self-serving greed as to think that an airplane hangar full of cars is reasonable and justified, and that retiring would be selfish because it would somehow put other professional adults with experience and qualifications who are working at the top of their industry out of work, even those of us who are like that can be GENTLEMEN about this. And avoid comparing the thousand-years-old violent cultural conflict that currently threatens to destroy the fabric of contemporary society to our goddamned TELEVISION PISSING MATCH. A television pissing match that by all accounts WE WON MONTHS AGO.
Great. Fucking Jay Leno. Now I need a nap. (Screengrab via DailyWhat.)