birdie_report

Everything about being a mascot owner is new to me. You have to feed them, right? And is it bad if their heads fall off? Or is it OK if their heads fall off? SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER ME! Another thing that I clearly haven’t quite gotten the hang of yet is making cute animal videos. Admittedly, I am getting some expert help from Birdie herself, who is really putting in the work of being stupid cute. I would definitely say that she is doing all of the heavy lifting at this point. Eventually, if we want to make the big leagues, we will probably have to figure out a way to actually capture what it is about her that is fun and unique, rather than just videotaping her doing whatever the hell she is doing most of the time (What are you doing? Why are you doing that? What is that? Why is it in your mouth?), but for now, let’s just enjoy these cobbled together scenes of a professionally cute mascot doing the work of cheering us all up/on:

You’re doing great, Birdie! Keep it up! (Please don’t die!)

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Comments (190)
  1. I love Birdie!

  2. Keep pedaling, Birdie!

  3. Is this the temporary replacement for WMOAT? I give if five cutes out of five.

  4. What did you do to make Birdie side-eye you like that?

  5. I want a new Birdie video every week!

  6. Oh man, everyone should read the comments for Gabe’s Yahoo question thing. They make me love this place so hard.

  7. Wait, let me just check the Videogum archives so I can find a good Birdie joke.

  8. Can we get a Lauren report? Wait, did Videogum get an intern or did I dream that?

  9. I am petting my computer screen so frantically right now.

  10. AWWWW Birdie rules.
    I think this has been suggested before but… can we make a VG pet club???
    Say hello to Chewy!

  11. Oh man. I want to give her such a smooch. If I was Gabe, I would be all MWAHHHHHHHHHH on Birdie’s little muzzle and Birdie would be like Stooooppp Dadddd you’re embarassing meeeee and I’d be like NOPE TOO BAD SMOOCHSMOOCHSMOOCH.

  12. On a day when I have been two steps away from a Michael Douglas style rampage through the streets, complete with button down white shirt and thick framed glasses (Falling Down reference my ninjas) MORE than once, this video truly made me smile and touched my heart. We should all be so lucky to find something like Birdie to love.

    #sentimentalgum

    • I was having such a bad day too. Trigonometry is completely overwhelming me and I was all like I AM A FAILURE THAT SUCKS AT MATH AND I WILL NEVER SUCCEED AT ANYTHING BLARGGGGHH GET ME A PAPER BAG and then Birdie came along and now I’m like, Man this dog is so cute I want to snorfle its belly.

  13. “yes, there’s this new product its called……..GET A LIFE!!! (it can be sold at your local grocery store)
    Source(s):
    commen scence”
    -Nick Madson

    • what a loser get a life and go to the docter to get your brain and stop trying to steal ur puppys brain!

      hopefully u know that ur question is a joke! IF I KNOCK ON UR HEAD IT WOULD BE HOLLOW!!!!

      -Nick Nolte

    • This one’s my favorite:

      “what a loser get a life and go to the docter to get your brain and stop trying to steal ur puppys brain!

      hopefully u know that ur question is a joke! IF I KNOCK ON UR HEAD IT WOULD BE HOLLOW!!!!”

      Zing?

  14. Maybe Birdie can write the Real Housewives recaps.

  15. And of course, the highlights of the Live Puppy Feed remain popular in syndication.

  16. I honestly just watched that with my chin propped on my fists like I was gazing adoringly at an 8 x10 of Clive Owen. In my unbiased opinion, THAT IS THE WORLD’S CUTEST PUPPY.

  17. Have you registered birdiegum.com yet?

  18. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Please don’t try to ruin this.

    • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • He’s just being sarcastic. I know that because I assume this is the shirt he is currently wearing:

    • Why can’t you just let Birdie be adorable?

    • Steve Winwood hates puppies, smiles, and sunshine.

      #stevewinwoodfunfacts

    • LOOK, STEVE. I FUCKIN appreciate YOUR EXISTENCE. ALRIGHT? The fact that WE CAN ALL HAVE some lawnmower world WHERE WE log on and EXPRESS OUR THOUGHTS AND feelings is great. AND IT’S OKAY to have different OPINION. IT’S fine! THAT’S WHAT makes AMERINET fuckin BADASS! BUT THERE comes a point WHERE YOU GOTTA look yourself IN THE mirror AND GO “HOLY FUCK what is my deal?” BECAUSE HOLY fucking donkey BALLS DUDE WHAT is your deal?

      I get that YOU MIGHT NOT like shit and THAT YOU EVEN think Lost is fuckin TERRIBLE. FINE! I GENERALLY find your comments BORING AS ALL hell and unnecessary BUT HAVE never felt the NEED TO say shit UNTIL now. I KNOW you have a FOLLOWING on here, and there’s PEOPLE THAT DON’T like me. HOWEVER, THE time has FUCKIN COME for me to seriously ASK WHAT THE hell kind of enjoyment do YOU GET OUT OF this shit? YOU’RE NOT even original trolling! IT’S fuckin LAZYTOWN over here.

      You HAVE STARTED to cross the LINE RECENTLY though when YOU FUCKIN insult the shit OUT OF people. YOU’VE EVEN thrown DS3M INTO a goddamn frenzy (WHICH, GRANTED, MAY NOT be that HARD BUT shit). WHY THE fuck do you have TO HATE ON a goddamn dog?

      SERIOUSLY?

      IT’S A fuckin dog, AND IF you honestly FEEL THAT part of your day dictates THAT YOU log on to here ONLY TO post HOW MUCH you dislike this DOG AND EVERYONE that thinks THIS DOG IS FUCKIN awesome, then I have no idea WHAT TO EVEN SAY. REALLY. LIKE YOU leave me at a lost FOR WORDS WITH that kind of fuckin pointlessness. IT’S FINE to want to contribute to THE CONVERSATION, AND DO SO with differing opinion, but you’re JUST A DICK. YOU’RE just a dick WHO LIKES TO log on to here and PISS PEOPLE OFF for no reason. SO YOU’RE fuckin out, SON.

      I’M SORRY that you live the FUCKIN SORRY ass life that you MUST LIVE. I REALLY hope things pick the FUCK UP FOR you so you can FIND BETTER SHIT to do.

      Your friend,

      An American Patriot

      • All caps aside, I totes agree with you AnAmPat.

        I don’t understand why it is so hard for you NOT to be an asshole, Steve. I’m not just saying this because I dislike your namesake [his voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me] or because I find you unfunny [we can't all be Gabes] but seriously, just stop it. Okay? It’s not funny and it detracts from the Videogum experience.

      • LIKE YOU leave me at a *loss FOR WORDS ;)

        In all seriousness, well said. There’s nothing more I can add to this, except to agree, it is wonderful we can all have differing opinions, but if you don’t fucking like Birdie you need to go get your head super glued back on you stupid idgit.

      • When you get mad at a troll like Steve Winwood, you only make him stronger. Publicly yelling at Steve Winwood = Steve Winwood wins. #paythetrolltoll #themoreyouknow

      • http://thesunbreak.com/members/details/Steve_Winwood

        It appears that Mr. Winwwod is a self-labeled troll.

        #amateurinvestigativejournalismgum

        • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

          • Okay, but what was the joke? That’s like me calling you pathetic and bland, then just retracting it, and labeling it as a joke. (Which it is not, you are, in fact, pathetic and bland)

          • ILAST has a point Winwood.

          • “Awww, baby! You know I didn’t mean those things, girl. I was just playin’. And you know I ain’t got no feelings for her, right? I mean, you’d have to be an idiot to think I do. It’s like you’re always looking for reasons to give me shit. What the hell is wrong with you? You’re being kind of a bitch about this whole thing.”

            -Steve Winwood

          • Steve, I have a question, what is wrong with you and what do you get out of being a humongous arrogant turd? Like, why does it satisfy you? What makes Steve Winwood tick?

          • I Googled “Steve Winwood Videogum” bored one day and that was the top search result.

            How about not advertising how you are a troll on this site, ya rube!

          • I don’t hate any of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • I know that it can be maddening to be called out about things “publicly”, whether it’s making a spelling mistake or not refreshing before posting or whatever, and Steve does seem to go out of his way to piss people off. But isn’t this what downvotes are for? Why all the negative comments and energy spent afterward?

            I mean, I agree with AnAmPat on a lot of things. But finding different ways to insult Steve isn’t going to make him be a more interesting commenter. He’s interesting plenty all on his own. And he can be fun to jibe back and forth with, too.

            He’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. Yelling at him just makes us all more negative, it seems to me.

        • Just when AnAm got here and it was getting just the right kind of meta meta meta. I am dissapoint Phelps, I am dissapoint.

          Sources:
          I don’t even know anymore.

          • It’s still pretty meta.

            It’s not like I revealed the Wizard behind the Steve Winwood curtain over here.

            He’s still an anonymous bore contributing to the din of millions upon millions of his own breed.

            He can continue to be possibly the worst troll I’ve ever had the privilege of coming across. People that claim “FIRST” on comments have more to offer than Stuv Wunwud.

      • Winwood is our Riley, guys. He just needs a lil’ love.

      • Leave Steve Winwood alone.

        JUST KIDDING.

        #neutralgum

      • That was strangely patriotic.
        - Nick Madson

      • “Which may not be that hard, but shit” = MAJOR LOLOLs

        • This comment is not an attack on DS3M, I promise. Just saying that Pat is a brilliant, brilliant man.

          • No worries Obryan!
            And I want to say I am really honestly sorry for insulting catholicism and organized religion. I have been meaning to find you and apologize about that, since I clearly touched many nerves (Not as bad as that Butcher Nurse Jabbed me through my arm nerve – OH!!) but I have been unable to locate you. This whole post is very cathartic!

          • I am also sorry, DS3M for maybe going a little overboard. Friends?

          • It’s true, I can vouch for his apologetic efforts, since he apologized to me thinking I might be you. I eSlapped him for getting “Brians” confused with “Bryans” but his intentions were good nonetheless.

      • Has there ever been a better-timed return?

      • Look, Steve, I fuckin your existence. Alright? We
        all have where we express our thoughts and and it’s okay
        opinion. It’s thats what amerinet badass! But
        there where you gotta in the and go “holy fuck
        because holy balls dude what.

        You might not that you even terrible. Fine! Generally
        boring as all but have need to until. However, the
        fuckin come ask what the you ge out of. You’re not
        it’s lazytown.

        Have started line recently you fuckin out of. You’ve
        even DS3M into (which granted, may not hard but).
        Why the to hate on?

        Seriously?

        It’s a, and if, feel that that you only to how much
        dog and everyone this dog is fuckin. What to even say
        really. Like you for words with. Its fine the conversation
        , and do so just a dick. You’re who likes to piss people
        off. So you’re, son.

        I’m sorry fuckin sorry must live. I really fuck up for
        find better shit.

        ALL YOUR CAPS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT MAKE A SHITTY POEM.
        YAY!!!

    • Don’t pee on the comments, Steve Winwood! Don’t be jealous, there’s room enough for two mascots!

    • Let’s paint, exercise, and ignore Steve Winwood!

    • You would bother me less (read not at all) if you weren’t so effective at pissing everybody off. Sto peeing in the pool Steve, its not a lake man.

    • I saw this coming a mile away of course Winwood is gonna hate on the dog it is easy and lazy, right up Winwoods’ alley.

    • Asa is a good Guy. Steve Winwood is an obnoxious robot. I approve of this Message from An American Patriot.
      And Asa was concerned when you posted the Bizarre you-posing-as-DS3M-to-come-attack-Gabe slashfic YCMIU, Steve Failwood. That was Mad Supes Totes Ridicu Creepsters.

      I put myself out there on Twitter and FB because I have nothing to hide, how about you Steve Creepswood?

      • It’s all about transparency in Gumernment.

      • On the one hand, it’s nice to see all the old commenters who’ve been laying low come out to play. Dog pile on Steve Winwood!

        On the other hand, if Steve Winwood has put you off commenting, you take things too seriously.

        But this is as it should be. Once again, I am the lone voice in the wilderness, shouting to the winds, “Steve Winwood isn’t that bad! Really!” That is my place in the world. That is my burden.

        But I do have a soft spot for dogs and maybe calling the puppy ugly isn’t that funny?

        • End Scene. Cut to: Steve Winwood’s bathroom. Time of day indeterminate, there are no windows. A medicine cabinet closes revealing the reflection of Steve Winwood in its mirrored back. Behind him, a shower curtain covered in images of puppies playing. Steve Winwood uncaps a bottle of Flintstones Brand Chewable Gummies, pops four in his mouth, and sighs. He speaks into the mirror.

          Steve: Looks like it’s just us again, buddy.

          He sounds defeated, leans forward into the mirror, presses his fingers to the corners of his eyes and pulls the skin taut to erase, if only for a moment, the deep crow’s feet that time and sorrow have left there.

          Steve: Me chinese, me no du-…

          Steve Winwood sighs. Not even the “me chinese” rhyme can bring him joy anymore. His eyes begin to take on a shine of exhaustion, or tears (this is left ambiguous, he is a villain, but the audience must suspect that within him is a human being for the remainder of the scene to have an impact). Steve Winwood brushes his teeth, rinses, spits. The camera cuts quickly to the sink: there is some blood in his expectorate – not enough to suggest injury but certainly to betray the presence of the gum disease gingivitis. Steve Winwood’s teeth, like his soul, have been ill-kept by their owner.

          Steve: Just another day. Just one more.

          A voice from off-camera causes Steve Winwood to turn.

          Unknown Voice: Yo, are you coming or not?

          Steve Winwood sighs and reaches down, appearing again in the mirror with a giant plush puppy head, which he places ceremoniously over his own like a crown, lowering it slowly over his face, slowly enough that the audience has time to take in the enormity of the revelation: Steve Winwood hates puppies because in his heart he is a puppy, pure and innocent, though the hard world has twisted his sense of self into a depraved sexual fetish. The camera follows Steve Winwood out the bathroom door as he disappears into a darkened bedroom, the dildo-head of his puppy costume’s tail swaying dejectedly behind him.

          End scene.

        • KIW,S, I will join your cause. I thought we finally had reached a point where our little Oscar the Grouch was starting to be considered a welcome neighbour here on Videogum Street.

          Sadly, Steve learns a valuable lesson today. There are two things you never make fun of – people’s kids or their pets.

          #themoreyouknow

    • somethingsomethingsomethingSTEVEWINWOODsomethingsomethingDARKSIDE

  19. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Birdie is a professional stair bounder/harness-wearer/blanket-digger. Attempt these feats at your own adorable risk.

  20. “Oh yeah. A dog like this you have to feed every day.”
    -Nick Madson

  21. if this becomes a weekly feature i don’t think even GARFIELD will be able to hate mondays anymore.

  22. I like how you used a glo-fidelity song for that video. Nice to know that I’m not the only 48 year-old man who likes The Neon Indians. You should also check out the Washed Outs. Oh yeah, cute dog.

  23. this is obviously the best birdie video yet.

    Source(s):
    common sense

  24. More like Terminally Cute, amiright?

  25. Speaking of heads falling off, I think mine just did! OMFG! So cute!

  26. Is Birdie a chow of some sort? I have a hatred of chows based on the one dog that ever attacked a 9-year-old me was a chow, but if Birdie’s a chow, well then I’ll just have to make an exception.

    • I think Birdie might be a Shiba Inu, which is related to a chow but a dillion times cuter? Can anyone confirm/correct this?

  27. Birdie is so cute it actually kind of makes me angry.

  28. “Hey guys, I just wanna say how honored I am to be the Videog–SQUIRREL!” – Birdie

  29. Posh New York living with Gabe and Birdie.

  30. Gabe, you kinda broke my heart with that “Please don’t die” there at the end. Anybody who’s ever owned a dog knows what I mean.

  31. I have an idea for a Birdie gimmick (what makes Birdie Birdie?): the sequential shake. Like, when she shakes herself off, head first then middle and then finally shakes her butt. it is OMG SO CUTE. do all dogs do that? I haven’t had a dog for a long time and to my recollection, the dogs I had did not do that. It is frakking adorable.

  32. Your Dog Makes my Day (Even when I am Super Angry at mine when I come home to a destroyed couch…)

  33. She’s a lot of fun. I hope she doesn’t die. (~”Little” Edie Beale, in case you ppl don’t recognize)

  34. BIRDIE YAYYYYYYY

  35. I liked the part where Birdie brightened my day.

  36. Can Birdie please interact with a cat soon?

  37. Birdie makes my life worth living.

  38. You should get you’re own blog. If you are joking. if you are serious you should go to veteran hospital.
    Source(s):
    commen scnence

  39. yo man, I don’t like dogs and I don’t like commenting but here I am commenting on how cute this dog is.

  40. I only got about 20 seconds in and almost got fired for laughing so hard at Birdie freaking the fuck out on her bed!! There’s no possible way I can finish this here. Birdie 4ever!!

  41. Ha, suck it, Jill Abramson (although that is a pretty kickbutt animated gif)

  42. Can I have a gay marriage with Birdie? Thanks!

  43. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo late, but here’s Evie! Yay VG Pet Club:

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