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Buried trailer, you guys:
OK, so, if you haven’t already heard about it, Buried was one of the breakout films screened at this year’s Sundance Film Festival, and it created a major bidding-war among the studios. It stars Ryan Reynolds as a civilian contractor in Iraq who has been abducted and buried alive in a coffin with a lighter, a flashlight, and a cell phone. And that’s about it. The movie is, by all accounts, an hour and a half of Ryan Reynolds being buried alive in a coffin with a lighter, a flashlight, and a cell phone, and nothing else. Oooh! Claustrophobic! I guess the cell phone gets reception because the box hasn’t been buried very deep? Sure. Right. Fair enough, although I have trouble getting cell phone reception in my APARTMENT sometimes, but that is not my question.
My question for the Buried trailer is the following:
WHEN YOU DIAL 9-1-1 IN IRAQ DO YOU REALLY JUST GET SOME BORED SOUNDING MIDWESTERN AMERICAN 9-1-1 OPERATOR WHO DOESN’T WANT YOU TO WASTE HER TIME?
Now, admittedly, I haven’t seen this movie*. Maybe he isn’t buried in Iraq. But if that’s the case then he is a civilian contractor in Iraq who gets abducted and kept unconscious for the 13 hour or longer flight (plus transportation to and from both airports) to the US and then also kept unconscious for however long it takes to get him to a remote location, put the flashlight, lighter, and cell phone in his coffin, and bury that coffin. If that is what happens, then there are other questions, because I think this is a particularly difficult time for violent Iraqi dissidents to travel to the United States with unconscious American civilian contractors they intend to bury in the ground. But if that is the case, I retract my question.
Otherwise my question stands. And I have a follow-up:
I don’t have any desire to see this?
*And I haven’t been to Iraq.
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After watching this trailer, my question is, why when you dial 911 in Iraq do you get a bored sounding midwestern American 911 operator who doesn’t want you to waste her time?
I GET IT!! I didn’t at first, but I do now.
I like Nick’s act, because it works on two levels. Like, he’s making fun of Nick Madson for being a joke-thieving hack with the whole stealing comments, etc. But it’s also funny because we’ve already had so many “trolls” “invent” “personas” on here (T.C.E., never forget), that whoever is behind the Videogum “Nick Madson” is also just being a joke-thieving hack. So meta.
And, of course, he is also slyly commenting on the propensity of Videogum Monsters to lazily use Videogum in-jokes that they themselves did not have any part in thinking up.
So that’s three levels.
Calm down, techno-Capu Flapu And The Spasmatic Pentagrams
(get it?)
Oh god, is a… fourth level of comedy?
So the legends are true….
Ryan Reynolds had better hope he’s in a ripoff of the American remake of The Vanishing, not the original Dutch version.
Or a remake of that one scene in Kill Bill where Uma Thurman is buried. Remember that? Looks like this movie is a plagiarist commentator … wait for it… OF MOVIES!!!!!
I get it, and it makes me D:
Damn, Gabe… What happened to “Spoiler Alert”! I wanted to be surprised about which items he was buried with. I guess I can save my $9.75 now:(
SPOILER ALERT: He’s also buried wearing pants.
I guess there is no reason to see it then.
I’m still looking forward to what KIND of cell phone they bury him with. I’m guessing it’s NOT going to be a smartphone with a full Qwerty keyboard and an unlimited data plan.
Side note: Did you guys ever type the word “Qwerty”? It’s amazingly easy.
I figure if you’re gonna go to Iraq you’re gonna bring that spare phone you have lying around the house that you use if your current one gets broken
Apparently it’s also not a phone with any kind of keypad or screen or clock on it, since those all light up. Maybe he blacked out in 1998?
Need to save yourself after being buried alive? There’s an app for that.
Oooh. I hope LG roles out a new phone to go with this movie. And then they have a commercial where a world-traveler businessman dad has a touching moment with his young son via picture message. And then is buried alive.
Since the entire movie is him in the coffin (spoiler alert?) I hope there’s a scene where Ryan Reynolds is waiting for help and he starts playing snake. Because, I mean, what else is Ryan Reynolds gonna do?
Ooh, or maybe a scorpion will crawl into his coffin, and at first Ryan Reynolds is frightened, but then they become friends and Ryan Reynolds trains the scorpion to do tricks on his belly.
I should have written this movie.
He can get service 30 feet underground but I can’t get any at my house?
-Jay Leno
He has sex with beautiful lady while I have no sexual intercourse at all? What a country!
-Yakov Smirnov
Chewbacca is real and black people don’t kill you for your cell phone
-Nick Madson
Is this Ryan Reynolds guy married to Scarlett Johansen? She’s pretty.
Steve: How will you balance your dislike for Iron Man with your desire to see Scarlett Johansen when Iron Man 2 opens this weekend? Which holds the greater sway over your soul?
his soul isn’t the issue here.
I’m not going to see the Iron Man movie
I don’t know. With her husband buried in Iraq with all those copies of ET: The Videogam, now might be your chance:
I mean, NOW might be your chance:
Chance to be bored and irritated by a crappy CGI movie with Robert Downey Jr smirking around and acting like a douche, while jpegs and tif files fly around his head? Thanks but no thanks, brohams
IRON MAN 2: Best Viewed on Netscape 4.3
I knew Mickey Rourke’s character looked familiar:
Is it just an hour and a half long movie about panicking? Because what the fuck else would you do.
Maybe it’s secretly X Men 4!!
I still don’t have sound on my work computer and that trailer was VERY boring. I don’t even know why I bothered watching it to the end.
If only he had been buried with a “Kill Bill” DVD. He could have learned to punch his way out.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Ok, Ryan’s got some options here.
Pai Mei’s 1-inch punch.
Green Lantern’s power ring.
Deadpool’s swords.
A bulldog with gigantic wrecking balls.
A copy of his wife’s cd of smokey-voiced Tom Waits covers.
Start the betting…
He could think about how pretty his wife is and then use the wood (get it?) as a type of shovel device
Ouch.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
More because I imagine using my penis as a digging tool to be awfully painful, but, hey, read into it however you want.
I’m sure if Ryan Reynolds listen to his wife’s CD long enough, he can think of enough reasons to stay buried… TOTAL SNOOZEFEST.
[insert quip about how - being trapped for an hour and a half in theater watching a Ryan Reynolds trapped in coffin movie is like him being trapped in a coffin and left for dead- here]
…also insert comment about how i have no idea how to properly use dashes in a sentence.
more like “Two Lights, a Guy, and Pizzaless Place”, amiright?
“a”
you know where to put it.
That is what she said.
Wait…doesn’t his cell phone light up? Isn’t that what cell phones do?
Oop. I Madsonned you hard.
OMG, stop being such a clitoris!
Truly you deserve a Hans Gruber, and in me you have only a Hamburglar.
Ryan Reynolds confuses me. Is he a cool dude or a douchebag? Sometimes I get a Ashton Kutcher DB vibe from him then other times its a kind of harmless “I know this world I am in is ridiculous” thing. Whats is even more bizarre is that he was supposed to marry Alanis Morrisette, but then married Scarlett Johannsen. Also, he is on the cover of Mens Fitness alot.
My first thought was, “He shouldn’t use the lighter, he’ll burn up all his oxygen!!”
My second thought was that this should just be a radio play instead of a film. Gabe, remember those? So many happy hours spent in front of the wireless set.
This film is not yet FILMED.
Yes, this is totes like The Vanishing. Sorta.
Also, here’s MY question:
HOW DO I GET BURIED IN A BOX WITH RYAN REYNOLDS, AMIRIGHT LADIES?!? Sorry.
Awesome avatar!
Or how do I get him buried IN MY box.
Ha ha, YES!!! Oh, and mhaze, THANKS. Guys, I’m an old-timey monster, I just haven’t been around for a while!
Look in the cell phone. See what you saw. Take the saw and cut the flashlight in half. Two halves make a whole. Climb out of the coffin through the hole. Duh.
Yes, but is it in 3-D?????
You guys remember that part in one of the Kill Bill movies where this kinda thing happens… That was Crazy!
Also… like, doesn’t a lighter require oxygen to burn? If I was buried alive and had a choice between two lights (which should really be three lights, because DUH, cellphone) I would ALWAYS choose flashlight first. FLASHLIGHT FIRST guys! What is this, buried alive 101?
Buried alive 101 is the intro class in the major of Torture Studies at Saw University.
The only way you’ll get me to watch this movie is to bury me alive and project it on the ceiling of my coffin. Hmmm, actually I’d probably just play Snake on my phone instead.
I know right? Where does holly wood get these ideas? A bored guy just waiting to die in an enclosed space? (goes back to do data input in his tiny cubicle)
Why would the terrorists bury him with a phone unless they wanted him to call the Midwest?
If we place phone calls from inside our coffins, the terrorists have won.
um…maybe the midwest 911 operator is actually the person who buried him in the box and gave him a preprogrammed phone that only calls her direct. dum dum duuuuuuummmmm
Oh wow they made a movie about what is probably my greatest fear. I’ll skip that anxiety attack thanks.
MOVIEMAKING 101
Step 1: cut a hole in a box.
Step 2: Put Ryan Reynolds in that box.
Ryan Reynolds= Dick.
I get the joke.
and that’s the way you do it!
I have had to call 911, and yes, that is basically what it sounds like. I don’t know if it’s “bored” as much as “can never sound panicked”.
my guess is that ryan reynolds character is not the brightest flashlight in the coffin so to speak, and that his captors are banking on him panicking and doing what his momma told him to do if and when he’s ever held captive by middle eastern dissidents inside a buried pinebox. and this bored midwesterner lady is soooo bored that she went john walker lindh and is in on the kidnapping, answering a redirected 911 call in some basement somewhere and playing with poor ryan reynolds’ mind in some sort of attempt at a hitchcockian psychological thriller minus the thriller part.
/sorry i actually took that question seriously
Trapped in a Coffin: Chapters 1 – 6 OUT SOON!
Bonus DVD included on Scarlett Johansson’s new CD: SJ3: Reburied Album
Jeez, Gabe. For the last time, not every movie can be The Human Centipede.
do they even have 911 in iraq, shouldnt it be some other number?
Right, and it would be written in squiggly.
(it’s a Job reference, don’t downvote me for Job’s sins)
Wow, this seems formulated to be the absolute most awful viewing experience possible. Why would I want to expose myself to that much stress for ‘entertainment’? Yeesh.
I am looking forward to this film.
I bet Alanis put him in that box…
pity Ryan Reynolds’ lack of great sword. coffin wood ≤ meat boots.
I want to know if this movie will find a way to put Ryan Reynold’s abs in this movie, while he is in the coffin and lit by the flame of his lighter. Party. Bonus.
That was my question! How’s he going to take his shirt off in that small box?!