OMFGICBIYG,

Are you dying because Twilight: Eclipse isn’t out yet? Are you just DYING? Do you sit up at night wondering why the world is so unfair and doesn’t make any sense and why people seem completely bent on punishing you just for wanting something more than any human being has ever wanted anything in her life?! Please know that life does get easier, and that as you get older you will find your place in this world, but just because life is easier and you’ve found your place doesn’t mean that Twilight: Eclipse is out any sooner. WHERE ARE WE, IN HELL?

While we wait in this LIVING NIGHTMARE, we should just focus on more pleasant thoughts. Like, oh my GOD, did you guys hear that you can now buy an engagement ring that looks just like the engagement ring that Edward is going to give Bella SPOILER ALERT in Twilight: Eclipse? And that it was designed by Stephanie Meyer herself? I KNOW, RIGHT? Who wouldn’t want a husband who opens the door to your new life together with a cheesy symbol of a half-literate children’s sex-fantasy series, designed by a woman who is apparently blind?! Dream for the stars and you might just dream on the moon! Photo of the ring after the jump, ladies. Brace yourselves, and remember: it’s normal.

AHHHHHHH WOWWWWWW WOWOWOWOOWOW AHHHHHHHHHH!

“I want to marry a mythical creature but I guess I will settle for a human with equally terrible taste.” — You

A description of this beautiful and classy piece of jewelry that is the definition of beauty and class from TresSugar (via ONTD):

You can only marry Edward Cullen in your fantasies, but now you can ask your real life lover to propose with the same ring the vamp gave Bella Swan. The ring, which author Stephenie Meyer and Infinite Jewelry Co. co-designed, made its big debut last Friday in the latest trailer for Eclipse. It matches the description from the book:

“The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold — delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds.”

Now you can get it for as low as $35, but the real diamond version sells for $1,979.

Man, that is one of the ugliest rings I have ever seen in my life (and trust me, I have seen A BUNCH of rings, no jewelo). Also, aren’t engagement rings supposed to be for adults? Are adults buying these? Adults, stop buying these! The only time I would accept seeing this ring on a woman’s hand is on an episode of MTV’s Engaged & Underage. In which case I would be like, “sure.”

Also, why do they offer the ring in silver if the book describes the ring as being made of gold? “I have a near slavish devotion to the Twilight series, to the point of wishing I could marry fantasy creatures played by British teenagers, and wanting to mark one of the most important relationships in my entire life with a horrifyingly ugly symbol of a juvenile detachment from the real world, but I hate the way gold looks.” What?

Anyway, good luck, kids! Remember that marriage is all about compromise, vampires aren’t real, and “I’m a werewolf” is never an excuse for domestic violence, regardless of what your favorite book says.

Comments (71)
  1. Is Meyer also marketing a line of pills that allow your ‘first time’ to feel as magical as she describes? Because the only thing worse than actually having to have sex EVERY MONTH is all the grunting and sweating and fluids associated with it. If only there were a product that made a man all vampire cuddles and no actual, grody sex.

  2. the good news is that at $35, all the fangirls will probably just buy it for themselves, making it appear that they are off the market. they are doing so many men a favor.

  3. My girlfriend loves this ring I bought her as a symbol of our everlasting love since I am a silver trophy to her imaginary vampire boyfriend, so fuck you guys.

  4. If I have learned anything from Lady Gaga, and the younger public, it is that tacky, over-sized diamond rings are used to keep your poison in a special place.

    When it comes to Twilight, you can never have too much poison!

  5. I guess if you get the silver one, you could hammer it into a bullet in an emergency because werewolves.

  6. Nothing says “classy love” so much as an engagement ring that resembles the compound eye of a fly.

  7. Can we just try to get Virtual Reality ™ in vogue again, so all these people can just marry Edward Sparklehands in their own privacy and leave us alone?

  8. Is it bad that sometimes I want to buy things featured in Teen Korner? I can’t quit pin down why, but I think it’s because I love ugly jewelry with hilarious back stories?

  9. If ladies were allowed to play in the NFL this is what their Super Bowl rings would look like.

  10. I dunno. I just can’t get too het up about this. If someone released an engagement ring in the shape of the Auryn I’d probably want it. So, over-investment in fantasy worlds glass houses, I guess is what I’m saying.

  11. “eclipse” her heart and her entire hand with this beautifully crafted moissanite spider-egg-sack sort of thing.

  12. Ugh, of course Stephenie Meyer helped design it. Let us not forget the ‘sexy’ sleeveless mock turtleneck she had Edward sporting in one of those books…

    • I once had a quick fling with a ’sexy’ sleeveless mock turtleneck. It seemed all glitzy at first but then i was all “Well if you don’t have sleeves, where am I supposed to stick it.” The fella turtlenecks out there know what I’m talking about.

      (finally a chance to reference my image and name in a comment – YEAH!!!)

    • I read the books (sorry) and her descriptions of clothes were the best part. It was always like “I pulled on a long-sleeved blue shirt and khaki pants.” HOT!! No one can make clothes sound as sexy as a Mormon.

  13. Just wait until some bunk ass travel agency starts offering the “Honeymoon” package and fangirls start going missing in Brazil.

  14. I think it’s a great idea. I wore my Leonard Nimoy Star Trek chastity ring for DECADES and always got lots of comments on it. It was very effective, too.

  15. This is a cocktail ring, not an engagement ring. Twilight is too serious for me to joke. I just have to say it plain.

    • I was thinking the same thing… I actually own something that sort of looks like this, that I bought as costume jewlery to wear in a wedding or some damn thing.

      • are you sure it wasn’t your wedding? (guys I think Bella Swan reads VG!)

        • Soooooo busted. You should have seen our wedding, it was amazing we……..

          *crickets*

          I know I should make a Twilight joke but I can’t think of a good one because everything I know about Twilight I learned from Videogum and all the jokes have been made already! (I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!)

  16. “I’m a werewolf” is never an excuse for domestic violence, regardless of what your favorite book says.”

    Yes! YES! It’s not okay, Bella.

  17. “Mrs. Swan said she’s going to turn her rings around if she sees me again! God, no! They’re TERRIBLE!”

  18. So you CAN buy class?! In your face Luann De Lesseps!!!

  19. Looks like a golden roach. And I mean that in the worst possible way.

    Still not as terrible as this movie tie-in

    Just go ahead and look at the whole nutso list:
    http://io9.com/5407713/the-30-most-disturbing-twilight-products/gallery/

    • See, I quite like the idea of those “Twitarded” under-crackers (not for myself) because I don’t see “Twilight” in that word, i see “twit” and “retarded”.

  20. Actually the ring is White Gold not Silver and since Stephenie Meyer never actually described what color gold the ring was I’m amazed they aren’t selling it in a rainbow of gold colors: yellow, white, red, rose, green, etc.

    They are missing a marketing opportunity.

  21. Gabe! That’s not silver, that’s “white gold.” Didn’t you have a class ring forced on you in high school, or did you graduate so long ago that the “white gold” option hadn’t been invented yet?

  22. If I was alive for 100-plus years I’d like to think I’d develop better taste than a Real Housewife of New Jersey.

  23. “You can only marry Edward Cullen in your fantasies, but now you can ask your real life lover to propose with the same ring the vamp gave Bella Swan. ”

    So if this dude were real, I could totally gayjump his homobones, but he’s not, so I guess I have to propose to a WOMAN instead. Sigh.

  24. But you guys. You don’t even come from/live in utah. You don’t even know the least of it.

  25. The sad thing about this is Meyer is sort of living my dream (if by living my dream I mean she is living the perverted nightmare version of my dream) because I am an aspiring novelist and also an artist and I take great delight in designing the clothing and jewelry of my characters. It’s annoying to see her design a hideous, boring, gaudy ring and recieve so much praise and excitement for it, as if she is the most brilliant person ever because she can write AND design INCREDIBLE and UNIQUE jewelry. Puke.

  26. Oh man, why did I get married already before this existed? I think I will ask my wife for a divorce and not tell her why and then wait until it’s all finalized and then I will bust this ring out and be like, BOOYAH. And then obviously our marriage will be so much stronger.

  27. does that beginning stand for: “Oh My F*cking God I Can’t Believe It’s Yogurt Guys?”

  28. “It looks like the shell Master Roshi wears on his back.”- My boyfriend, literally.

    We’re a whole different kind of nerd.

  29. Also, I am really impressed with myself for getting that acronym!

  30. i cant wait for when justin beiber gives this ring to your sister, shes going to love it

  31. I am seriously sad that anyone old enough to even consider getting married would want this hideous-ass ring. I could see someone giving/receiving this as a “promise” ring since that seems right in line with the sexual mores of Twilight fans, but as an actual engagement ring? Seriously?

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