We now live in a world where information is free, easily available, and exhaustive in a way that is unlike anything in human experience. This change happened only very recently, and yet its effects were immediate and widespread. And this transformation of our relationship to information will only continue, to the point where an expectation for immediate access to complete world knowledge from any geographic location imaginable will be considered an inalienable human right. At a certain point in the not too distant future, what will be weird is the idea of a world in which there WASN’T a video compiling every digital screen-wipe from season 3 of Home Improvement set to a Wavves song at our fingertips.

Your futuregrandkids out on the hover-porch will look out over the waterworld of our destroyed planet and wonder when you will shut up already about how when you were a kid we didn’t all have microchips behind our eyes playing this video in a neverending loop. And then, to their delight, a robot slave will call you all into a dinner of one ration of beans (there’s a war with the computers going on, you know) and no one will have to listen to your stupid story anymore. (Thanks for the tip, Ninian.)

Comments (55)
  1. Happy birthday YouTube! We made you a cake!

    As I am sure you are aware, YouTube, the Candle Famine of ’09 is still hurting us, so we’re four short. You understand, right?

  2. Hey, what’s up with Jonathan Taylor Thomas?

    • My best guess is meth. I think meth is up with JTT.

    • Oddly, I looked this up yesterday and found nothing after 2006. Operation Restore JTT COMMENCE!

      • For the glory of God!

      • When I was younger and deeply in love with JTT, I used to watch that scene from Tom and Huck where Tom (JTT) emerged from the Mississippi all muddy and wet. (you guys remember that scene, rite?)

        Only I watched the scene again recently and its literally the most unattractive JTT (do you mind if I call you JTT?) has ever been. Even more so than when he was in that episode of Veronica Mars with a mullet. He looks like he’s been dunked in shit and that his still pre-prepubescent body is made of rising dough.

        It does explain a lot about my fat guys in melted chocolate fetish though.

  3. For me, this was set to Mary J. Blige, and it didn’t really make much sense.

  4. This video just reminds me how much I miss having JTT in my life/on my tv screen. JTT 4 EVAH!

  5. Reminds me of the wipes in Battlefield Earth. In other words, Home Improvement was very award worthy. I hope they were given all the Emmys.

    • Reminds me of when i first learned how to do power point in middle school You could add sound effects and make some pretty fancy swipes. Though Home Improvement def. took it to the next level.

  6. That video was severely lacking in Summer/Beach/Surf/California/Girl Goths, although I appreciated the falling produce.

  7. Actually, I gotta commend Home Improvement. They figured out some Pretty cool ways to go from one Boring Slice of American Life to another, over and over.

  8. And yet, the best wipe in the whole video was Wavves making the hairswoosh, J-Bieber style!

  9. Somewhere in a modest ranch house in Minnesota Richard Karn is watching this and smiling, and wondering why everyone at Urban Outfitters dresses like him now

    • it’s so true though! i can’t go anywhere without seeing tons of people [hipsters] dressed in flannel like it was 1993. i once saw a girl on the subway who was wearing a flannel jumpsuit. it was like haute lumberjack. i really wish i had taken a picture.

  10. so, summer goth was written about Mark Taylor season 7?

  11. Needs more star wipe

  12. i can’t wait until someone makes a montage of fun stuff that happens in ‘according to jim’ and ‘yes dear’

  13. i’ll file this under “things i didn’t know that i didn’t want or need”.

  14. “And this transformation of our relationship to information will only continue, to the point where an expectation for immediate access to complete world knowledge from any geographic location imaginable will be considered an inalienable human right. At a certain point in the not too distant future, what will be weird is the idea of a world in which there WASN’T a video compiling every digital screen-wipe from season 3 of Home Improvement set to a Wavves song at our fingertips.” – Gabe Mcluhan

  15. Not even a million Home Improvement wipes can make me enjoy Wavves.

  16. Gabe, if we are at war with the computers, WHY do we have a robot in our house?? His loyalty is with his mother-boarded overlords, no matter how much Home Improvement we let him watch.

  17. I remember like 10 years ago someone asked me what I liked to watch on TV and I said “Home improvement shows,” which elicited a dismissive look and a response like, “I guess there’s something comforting about a show like that where every episode is basically the same.”
    And I was embarrassed and insulted and then realized he thought I meant “Home Improvement,” when in actuality I meant shows like “This Old House” and “Hometime” with Dean Johnson and Joanne Liebeler. Which I guess doesn’t make it any better, but it always made me laugh when Joanne said, “Just put a little caulk in it.”

    • You pretty much described my elementary school days. I used to watch those same shows on PBS all time. It was hard to explain to a bunch of fellow 9 yr old when it was so much cooler to watch some retile a bathroom instead of gluing the hand to hammer.

      • What kind of sentence was that? I mean:

        It was hard to explain to a bunch of fellow 9 yr olds why it was so much cooler to watch someone retile a bathroom instead of gluing their hand to a hammer.

        • Right on. There’s something fascinating about those shows. Not so much the new HGTV ones where they do hideous redecorations on the cheap, but the old-school ones where they do real, skilled construction. I’m a sucker for earnest, hard work, apparently.

          • I’m with you guys! They can be genuinely compelling viewing. My father watches nothing else. There’s simple satisfaction and documentary value in seeing a real task completed well.
            And the presenters are often cool, shy craftsmen. Not design bullies having a fucking kneewobbling meltdown over scatter cushions because we have to transform this entire house IN FIFTEEN MINUTES to surprise the bashful owners.
            DIYgum.

  18. Wavves suck. (I know that this is not the most incisive or well-thought out comment, but it’s Friday, so fuck it.)

    • wavves totally seems like the kind of band that i would pretend to like/endure for some really cute boy who was all like “wavves is the best!” and i’m like, “so true! let’s make-out!”

    • At the end of his rope, a fed up Wilson emerged from behind the fence to pour a beer over Tim’s head before storming off the set.

      • Wilson being drunk, is that a thing?

        • no but wavves did that at some big festival in spain [?] last year. one of the dudes was drunk or tripping balls or something and the crowd was booing them. and so the dude pours a beer over the other dude’s head and was all, “fuck this!” and stormed off the stage. stereogum and pitchfork were all abuzz for days with the did-they-or-didn’t-they-just-break-up-in-public gossip.

  19. this is all unnecessary. 5 Second Films made the best home improvement wipe ever.

    4real watch it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UuBAEBYcTk

  20. A lot of you have mentioned JTT, but no love for ZTB (Zachary Ty Bryan)?!
    Me neither.

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