It’s bad news for talentless attention vacuums today. First Heidi Montag accidentally releases a 10 minute unsynched video of herself doing slow motion AIRHEADrobics (am I right, guys?) to a song that sounds like it was recorded on a toaster oven, and now Denise Richards, ex-wife to Charlie Sheen and all around human disaster has had her child endangering reality show canceled! From the New York Post:

Richards, who went to court last year to fight ex-husband Charlie Sheen for rights to have their children appear on the show “It’s Complicated,” turned out to be a less-than-stellar reality star.

A show low-light was her confrontation with an editor for a magazine over how she has been portrayed in the tabloid press.

“The numbers started out pretty good – just over 1.5 million tuned in for the premiere episode,” a source told “The Insider” yesterday. “But the audience has dropped off. ”

Looks like it’s no longer complicated, huh Denise?

Man, if you have to take the father of your children to court to allow those children to appear on a self-serving reality TV show, it might be time to take a good long look in the mirror. The mirror that fits in your mouth and is made out of a gun.

Anyway, when God closes a reality TV show, he makes lemonade, Denise. Here are a few suggestions for what you might do with your new found spare time.

  • Polish your barren awards mantle
  • Confront your own mortality
  • Have your vagina sewn shut
  • Write your children letters of apology
  • Write America a letter of apology
  • Have your vagina double-sewn shut

I was going to put “raise your children in a non-despicable manner” on there, but that would be like writing a list to a brick wall. Where the bricks are made of narcissism and the mortar is the lonely desperation of impossible selfishness.

Comments (1)
  1. Re:>>The mirror that fits in your mouth and is made out of a gun.”

    Oh wow this was too awesome Hilarious!!

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