In light of this morning’s Stephen Baldwin Charity Mission news, a tipster (thanks, Sam!) sent in this INSANE fun fact from the Official Stephen Baldwin Wikipedia Page:

Baldwin has a tattoo on his left shoulder of the initials “HM” for Hannah Montana. He got the tattoo after making a pact with Miley Cyrus that he would be allowed to cameo on the show if he had the initials tattooed on him. He revealed the tattoo to Cyrus at a book signing in Nashville, on November 10, 2008.[17] To date he has never appeared on the show. He has since gone on record as saying that he regrets getting the tattoo[18]

I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE BLUE PILL! The blue pill is the one that makes you not hear the saddest thing you’ve ever heard, right?

I know that the readers of this site are 12-year-old girls, and as such this is the oldest news ever, and they are like, “Get out of my room, Grandpa, you smell like a death sandwich,” but actually it’s the “to date” addendum that really hurts. “Hi Miley, this is Stephen. Just wanted to follow up with you about the whole tattoo of your initials that I got thing. I would still definitely love to be on the show that I’m not even sure is still on the air. Just, uh, you know, give me a call one of these days. It feels kind of weird to have been hoodwinked and lied to by a child, but I’m sure it was just a mix up and that you definitely want me on your show, so let’s make it happen!” You kids don’t understand anything about the ravages of time.

And for anyone who has not heard this story at all before, I’M SORRY THAT YOU KNOW THE DEPTHS OF HUMAN DESPAIR NOW IN A WAY YOU NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. Literally my bad. Well, my and tipster Sam’s bad. Shame on you, Sam.

Comments (67)
  1. Ok, now he’s EXACTLY like Job.

  2. He can just lie and say he’s a huge fan of the British actress Helen Mirren

  3. Fun fact: Nancy Reagan got her cameo on Diff’rent Strokes by having “G.C.” tattooed on her inner thigh.

  4. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  5. OH Well Holy Shit, I was SOOOO Wrong, send this guy all the moneys!
    TEXT BALDWIN TO 90999…

  6. I feel for Stephen, I got a tattoo of Scott Baio in full KKK regalia on the promise that I’d get to cameo on Charles in Charge (CIC for those in the know).

  7. I’ma get “JK” on my forehead to see if I can get on Jimmy Kimmel’s show. If he says no, I can totally save face by saying it stands for “Just Kidding.”

    (save face — did you guys get that? it was subtle, but you got it.)

  8. His next tattoo will be a tramp stamp that says, “Never trust 14-year-old television personalities.”

  9. And don’t even ask where his “Wizards of Waverly Place” tattoo is.

  10. No pity, Baldwin. Try being sixteen and getting a tattoo in your friend’s apartment from some dude who just got out of prison because you think it would be cool, then having to live with an ugly, scarred-up tramp stamp the size of a lumberjack’s open hand for the rest of your life because no one told you how to properly care for a fresh tattoo, such as “don’t scratch when it itches” and “try not to wear clothing with waistbands that rub against it all day.”

    That thing is tiny and easily lasered off or covered up by something less shameful, and you can wear jeans without anyone thinking you’re more of an idiot than they already do.

    • +1 sad cherry on top of the sad sundae that is Stephen Baldwin.

      Anyone got some really, really sad hot fudge or miserable whipped cream?

      • i knew a berkeley gutter punk skinhead dude who intended to get a homemade tattoo that read “scarred for life.” unfortunately his friend/amateur-tattoo-artist/spelling-expert forgot one of the Rs. i guess that was more funny than sad for everybody that wasn’t the dude with a “scared for life” tattoo.

        • I have a friend who has a “Virgina is for Lovers” tattoo.

        • My STBX husband has a really fucked up Klingon Empire symbol on his shoulder. He was drunk, and asked my opinion, and I am a Star Trek fan, so I gave it a thumbs’ up.

          Unfortunately, in the middle of the tatoo, the artist got a call that his wife was leaving him and taking their daughter with her. Hence, the incredibly bad drawing of a really bad design idea.

          But yay me for having a story to post on Videogum!

    • A boy in my 8th grade class used hot glue to burn his initial into his right hand. But he had a heart attack when he was 22 so he really didn’t even get to live to regret it.

  11. I tattoo SB on my forehead, if Stephen can make an Optimus Prime Balloon.

  12. Yet another article that makes Miley Cyrus look like the benchmark for sanity by comparison. I DON’T LIKE THIS FEELING.

  13. It’s just as well – he would have had to turn down the role anyway, due to all the gratuitous sex and violence on Hannah Montanna.

  14. Is this posting? Let me know if this comment actually posts, you guys. I need to make sure my keyboard still works after being drenched in a torrential deluge of tears.

  15. I always wondered why every photo of Stephen Baldwin looks as if he has been crying all day. Now I know why.

  16. Stephen Baldwin’s Wikipedia page once said he had an internet cult hit song called “My 18-Inch Biceps.” I spent a long time looking for it, and was heartbroken. I’d give money for him to record that song.

  17. I think he’s trying to get some extra mileage off an old DIY Whitney Houston tattoo.

  18. That HM is downright classy and artistic compared to the other monstrosities he’s sporting. Is that a Xena tattoo on his other arm?

  19. at least he can find some solace in the fact that he doesn’t need a “VG” tattoo to be featured twice in one day on videogum.

  20. I fixed it for him:

  21. i’ll revive his career as soon as he gets that “jesus doesn’t exist” tattoo we talked about.

  22. I bet if he got a tiny ampersand added to that tattoo, it would be worth at least a 10% discount at H&M? It would be 10% less embarrassing, anyway.

  23. In the bizarro sideways universe Miley Cyrus got a SB tattoo on her arm, but her dream to appear in Biodome went unfulfilled. Pauly Shore was not a fan.

  24. so in other words, the $4.21 I just donated to him is going towards tattoo removal, not restoring him to preach the good word as only someone of his stature can do. or something. what a gyp

  25. Gabe, just take two Forget Me Nows and call me in the morning. You’ll be fine.

  26. Did anyone mention how incredibly sad it is that Steven Baldwin had to go to a book signing to show her the tattoo? Like, he couldn’t do it on TV or something??? Find that news station that loves him? Maybe when he was on “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!”? Was that him? I bet he had to stand in line too. ;__;

    • Oh, that post is so wonderful!

      “…but the truth is that from a values standpoint she is much closer to the Black Eyed Peas than she is Alan Jackson. ”

      Are these really our only choices, morally speaking?

    • wow. just… wow. some people scare me. to think some people actually agree with this guy….

    • I got excited because it was a conspiracy theory. But then I read it, and that guy is just bananacrackers stupid.
      Like the liberals give a shit about country music?

      • I sent my husband a video of the Victoria Jackson crazy fest on Hannity, and his favorite part was the promise of a “Larry the Cable Guy” appearance after the commercial break. So, yeah, a whole blog post about how lefties are losing the culture war is pretty much hilarious. Hang your “NOBAMA” hats on something else, guys!

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