Look, just because this website has a mascot now doesn’t mean that all we’re going to talk about is mascots and how cute mascots are and the smells emanating from mascots and how nervous we all get when the mascots were barfing this morning for some reason although the mascots seem fine now and are actually resting against our ankle as we type this. But, at least for this week, mascots, you guys, am I right? Having a living thing in your house that is so small and so easy to not keep alive if you do it wrong is very stressful in some ways! In other ways it is not stressful at all, it is just string. You just really get a new perspective on the fragility of things, you know? Because life is precious, and God, and the Bible, and pupppppiiiiiiiiiiies.
What I’m trying to say is that we should all be so lucky as to find something in this world that makes us happy, whether that thing is the cutest little Beanie Baby that has ever lived, or is a seven-foot-tall balloon sculpture of Optimus Prime (1984-version) in your dining room.
To be fair to this guy, while some of us might prefer the warmth and comfort of puppies, I bet you his Transformers balloon sculpture isn’t nearly as frustrating when you’re standing outside at 5:30 in the morning wondering why it won’t poop. It poops right away and then back to bed!