In this feature, we will periodically check in to see what is up with Topher Grace.

I don’t know if any of you have ever raised a mascot before, but it is incredibly time consuming! They’re always struggling to learn their routines and getting poop all over their costumes. I grew up with mascots, but I’ve never raised a mascot of my own, so this is a real learning experience for us both. But mostly for her, let’s be honest. I mean, I’ve been to college, OK? That’s right, college. What has she been to? Her mom’s belly. That’s about it. If you asked her to submit a resume for your job opening, at the top it would say Objectives: To not die. And under experience it says: “Being Born. Representing a mid-sized pop-culture website at all major blogging events.” She doesn’t even know Excel! It’s ridiculous. I doubt if she could even get a job working at McDonald’s, and McDonald’s IS NOT THAT HARD OF A PLACE TO GET A JOB AT, NO OFFENSE. Of course, that’s beside the point, because she was born to be a mascot. A mascot and a TRUE WONDERFUL FRIEND.

Speaking of living things that require a fair amount of time and attention, what is up with Topher Grace?

This week, we go deep into T-Doz’s love life, although not so far that we invade his privacy!

The website “Who Should Date?” asks the question: “Who Should Topher Grace Date?” Leighton Meester currently holds 80 percent of the vote, with Jinnifer Goodwin coming in a far second at 20 percent, although there are literally dozens of potential women for us to choose for Topher to choose, including Snooki, Holly Madison, and Kristin Davis. Personally, I would like Topher to date someone based on personal compatibility, not some Internet poll!!!!!

Similarly, the website “Who’s Dated Who” proves with scientific reliability that Topher Grace and Lauren Conrad are sexually separated by only four degrees!

Whoa, you cannot argue with science! Way to go, Topher Grace! (Thanks for the tip, gumlover42.)

Of course, Topher Grace is still playing the field, as many young men and women in Hollywood and even other cities enjoy doing before settling down, and so this blog post titled “Topher Grace Married” seems like a desperate attempt to snag some web traffic from Topher fans. That being said, it is definitely worth a look, because I think it was written by a space alien!

But perhaps the most important news this week: the Valentine’s Day DVD, which will be released on May 18, is now available for pre-order here!

Not sure what the special features are yet, but I’m sure they will be very special.

And, of course, That ’70s Show remains popular in syndication.

There you go. That is what is up with Topher Grace. Send your Topher tips See you next time!

Comments (48)
  1. Sorry Topher, but you’ve been replaced. Regular updates on Birdie please.

  2. I couldn’t look at “Topher Grace Married” because my antivirus wouldn’t let me. That’s gotta be some good internet!

  3. Dude our high school mascot was the same way. That Sun Devil costume was DISGUSTING. What a weird kid. (Just kidding Wes!)

  4. I think if Topher is going to date anyone, it should be, collectively, myself and my fellow Monsters.

    Or Gabe at the very least. Why not reciprocate the love, Toph?

  5. GABE BE CAREFUL WITH THE ALIEN ARTICLES! It tried to give my phone a virus!

  6. woozefa  |   Posted on Apr 21st, 2010 +6

    you keep on saying this name. i do not think it means what you think it means.

  7. Went to a party this weekend that had Danny Masterson “dj-ing.” I kept asking my friends if they’d seen Tgrace around. They wondered why in god’s name I kept asking. I said: “just curious.”

    • That’s weird, I consistently ask my friends if they’ve seen Topher Grace around every time we go out. Also, every time we stay in. I don’t have as many friends as I used to, but one day my persistence will pay off.

    • You should have said hey this is Whoa! from Videogum and we have a recurring segment called What’s Up With Topher Grace? and we would value your insight Mr. Masterson

  8. Look who’s being mentioned in the major magazines next to Morpheus

  9. I’d like to think that the “Who Should Topher Grace Date?” site was set up by Topher Grace. Leighton Meester (whoever that is) will soon be getting an email with a link and the subject heading “See? Can’t Argue With Science!”

    • As the star of Gossip Girl, Leighton Meester hooking up with TGrace would mean Gabe would have to continue watching next season and recapping. The last guy she dated had a recurring guest spot on the show, so maybe we can be “graced” with a Toph appearance too and he can finally drive the bus that wipes out the terrible characters (aka ALL OF THEM).

  10. oh my god topher is so hot jssfuuuuuuck. pretty cool on that seventies show too.

    • This owns and I get that it’s a meme (is it a meme? I think it’s a meme) but I don’t know where it came from so if somebody could reply to this and let me know that would be cool. Also, off-topic, but if somebody could kiss my mouth that would be great too.

  11. I’ll learn Google Analytics right after I nail chewing my own foot.

  12. Hey, What’s Up With Betty White?

  13. Neither do we! Not that I’m the spokesperson for Not Weird, but, you know, monsters are as monsters do.

  14. True story. One time, my old roommate had a puppy and I was watching her. I left said roommate a note saying how good the puppy had been and that she hadn’t even pooped inside the whole time I watched her. I gated the puppy in the kitchen and went to class. Apparently, the puppy was able to hop over the gate and chose to poop on top of the note. :/ Thanks, puppy, thanks.

  15. My coworker was trying to convince my other coworker to watch the the Predator trailer, and he was saying “It was directed by Robert Rodriguez and Christian Bale is in it” and so I said “OH and TOPHER GRACE!” and he was like “oh……………………OK…..i guess it does……” I’m just over here doing my part TOPH!

  16. puppies are great! i have a dog who was once a puppy! he chewed a hole in the drywall of my kitchen! puppy stuff!

  17. Birdie’s buzzing on buzzfeed! Yay!
    (I don’t know how to write this comment without it sounding like an alliteration. Sorry!)

  18. Wait, wasn’t Valentine’s Day just in the theaters like 5 weeks ago? That is about as close as you can get to “straight to DVD.” It might as well have had the Toxic Avenger and Steven Seagal in it.

  19. Who should date Birdie?


    (as calculated by scientists)

  20. Raindrops on roses and T-grace and puppies!
    Steven Seagal and a sex slave and money!
    Stupid Scott Baio ruins everything!
    These are a few of my favorite things!

    Betty White’s hot dog and Charlie Sheen’s disguise!
    The faux-British emptiness of G. Paltrow’s eyes!
    2012 will come, and the end it will bring!
    These are a few of my favorite things!

  21. Raising a pup is a mans greatest achievement, someday when Birdie leaves the nest (AHHH!!!, also get it?), you’ll look back on all this and be proud.

  22. I haven’t commented on her yet, but Birdie is THE BEST and SO CUTE and I WANT ONE TOO

    I missed the original post because at a quick glance I thought it was just a “this is our mascot” like “this is your boyfriend” thing… You should have some kind of label on posts to indicate which ones are not ironic but really important to keep up with what’s going on. When Lindsay left it also took me a day or two to realize I shouldn’t have skipped that particular post.

    • Clearly the problem is that your not reading every post the second it comes into being.

      And then twenty times after that, in between constantly refreshing your profile page to see your upvotes in real time.

      What I’m saying is, you dropped the crazy ball.

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