First, an apology. This is not a celebrity gossip blog. Oh, sure, we cover the occasional White Slavery Scandal, and if Hugh Jackman urinates while wearing his pants in the name of ART, you will hear it here first, or at the very least, you will hear it here eventually. I know that lately there has been a little more coverage of the over-paid personalities who make up the horrorscape of modern entertainment culture, because they have been doing funny stuff. But we are still not in the habit of posting photographs of Ellen Pompeo making a mid-afternoon Starbucks run, because we believe that those photographs hurt our SOULS, and we are certainly not in the habit of posting In Touch Weekly magazine covers, because COME ON FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. This is a fun place to watch videos and talk about last night’s episode of Guy Fieri’s Whose Fart Is That?, not some GROCERY STORE CHECK OUT LANE.

That being said, LOOK AT CHARLIE SHEEN’S AWESOME DISGUISE! What a good disguise. I love his disguise so much. It’s literally the only thing that Charlie Sheen has done in the past 17 years that I have enjoyed. Well, no, that’s not true. It is the second thing he has done that I have enjoyed, because I REALLY enjoyed this. But seriously, the highest paid actor on television, when faced with how to disguise his appearance, because that was a thing he DEFINITELY needed to do, asked a child to go down to the costume shop and spend two weeks allowance on the cheapest fake mustache he could find. I’m surprised he didn’t sit on Emilio Estevez’s shoulders under a giant trenchcoat. (Classic!) “One adult for sex, please.” Amazing. No wonder America loves this guy. I get it now. Two and a half THUMBS UP! (Magazine cover via celebrity gossip blog: HuffingtonPost. Click through to enlarge.)

Comments (51)
  1. I think Gabe will likely mention this later today, but for those of you guys who aren’t on Twitter may not know that Gabe was interviewed by some Juggalos (Upchuck and Sugar Slam) for a Juggalo radio show. Scott recorded some of it here:

  2. If I’m not mistaken, that’s Bombshell McGhee’s Hitler stache

  3. The highest paid actor on television.

    This depresses me so much…

  4. I’m distracted by the fact that Heidi Montag’s breasts now appear to sprout directly from her chin.

  5. Come on people, thats his disguise for when he drops off the TRUTH about 9/11 to the President. The NSA will assassinate the only man with the TRUTH if goes out in his celebrity disguise.

  6. Not to be outdone, Jesse James donned this clever disguise in order to help quell the coverage of his antics:

  7. Should’ve gone with Mr. Cool Ice disguise instead.

  8. I’m more interested by Heidi’s D-Cup disaster. WHAT HAPPENED!?

  9. I’m sorry, I’m more interested in Heidi’s “D-Cup Disaster.” I hope one of her large fake breasts hit her in the face, and smacked some sense into her. Here’s hoping!

  10. Well, now I am just embarrassed. I am literally (literally!) wearing that exact same disguise as I type. How gauche!

  11. I love that In Touch even calls it the dumbest disguise ever. They pull no punches.

  12. If he really didn’t want to be recognized he should have just disguised himself as Jon Cryer.

  13. Ke$ha did it better!

    Or equally terrible. Whatever!

  14. INSIDE SCOOP: The picture without the mustache was taken seconds later after Charlie Sheen received a phone call. “Oh dear, my agent!” Charlie Sheen said aloud. “I must remove this felt from my face, or he will not know that it is I, Charlie Sheen!”

    He double-clicked “Send” on the phone because he thought it was Windows.

    “Charlie Sheen residence,” he said.

    “Hi Charlie Sheen, this is your agent, Martin Tumblarity, and boy do I have a job for you.”

    “How did you know it was me?!” Charlie Sheen screamed, vomiting money.

    What job, you ask?! Well, that is a story for another day.

  15. Resisting… the… make… new avatar….

  16. Gabe, you have no idea how happy it makes me that the 17 years link was to Hot Shots! Part Deux. As I clicked on it, I closed my eyes and whispered to myself, Please let it me Hot Shots! Part Deux. Now I’m off to find out if it is on Netflix watch now. If it is, I hope I don’t forget this by the time I get off of work.

  17. I think the real story here is that, IN THIS ECONOMY, In Touch continues to provide accurate and relevant news coverage for ONLY 2.99.

    And we all know there was no life before Glee. For shame, In Touch. For shame.

  18. Or maybe he was born with the superpower to grow and retract his actual mustache at will.

  19. *someone’s* been watching modern family. #soupstrainer

  20. Charlie takes his ladies to his shack in the woods where he bores them with anti-technology rants…

  21. Gabe, I thought you would NEVER FORGET. This is actually the third thing from Charlie Sheen in the past 17 years that you’ve enjoyed.

  22. What, did he spend two and a half minutes on that disguise? (I’m sorry)

  23. I don’t know about you guys but I want to know more about

  24. No guys, you’ve got him all wrong. That mustache is just part of the cigarette. He’s smoking a Brimley and Hedges.

  25. That mustache is more realistic than most of the plots of Two and a Half Men. And more enjoyable.

  26. Nice look there, young man.

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