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Yiiiiiiiiiikes. OK, so, this is a new advertisement for Nike, it features Tiger Woods in sadface, and the voice of his father, Earl Woods, asking him if he learned anything. P.S. Earl Woods died in 2006.
Look, I think that I am like many Americans in that I DON’T CARE ABOUT TIGER WOODS’S PANTS. As far as I am concerned, he is a multi-million dollar celebrity athlete, and I EXPECT him to be out drumming cocktail waitresses. But, I recognize the discrepancy between his squeaky clean media image and his squeaky gross sexual obsessions, and we do live in America, where the cycle of despair and redemption must constantly be renewed. So a certain amount of “soul searching” (yeah, right) and “rebranding” (more like it) are to be expected. But this? Yuck. Aligning the dissolution of one’s marriage with the world’s most recognizable sportswear brands as a tool for selling more breathable heat-tech tees is one thing (or vice versa, well played, Nike?) is one miserable thing that would be a mistake, but invoking the memory of one’s dead father as a limp-wristed attempt to turn the entire fiasco into a personal growth opportunity? But still in tandem (always in tandem) with the sportswear brand, so that hopefully you can grow together?
A rare miss, every single person involved in every step of envisioning, planning, writing, producing, directing, editing, lighting, sound-mixing, and catering this. Except for Tiger Woods. He seems to have really raised the bar on his misses these days! Congrats?
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I’ve learned that marketers will go to any length necessary to be controversial. You crazy for this one, marketing team.
i don get it? shoud’t he be golfing or somting if its a commercial!!!!! an aslo his mouth got bIIIIIIGGGG
Poor Tiger Woods looks like he’s going to cry. He needs to take a refreshing swim in his gold coins like Scrooge McDuck.
I accidently downvoted this! I feel super bad now because I love this gif forever.
Here’s the real million barf question: what sort of world are we living in where The National Enquirer is up for a Pulitzer for Investigative Journalism? Last year, that award went to a writer who spoke about retired generals being used as propoganda by the Pentagon for the Iraq War. Now they’re seriously considering giving it to a tabloid that found out about a Senator’s affair?
Oh! And don’t forget! The internet is getting a Nobel Prize.
Not getting, but people are talking, apparently.
i can haz nobel prize?
I’m still not convinced that wasn’t just dumb luck. I’m pretty sure that I could just pick a Senator at random, follow him around for a few weeks, and bust him on an affair (or some other sort of grody sex issue). I’ll start with Richard Burr (R-NC).
I go to school in North Carolina and have already started. It took me 35 minutes..case closed (it was with an FDA official, despite his opposition to their regulation of the tobacco industry!)
…that last part is actually real. Oh, tobacco…
The only way I could make it through this video without barfing was imagining it was actually Earl’s boner ghost that was talking to him.
So THAT’S Why he was running around and bonin down all those skanks…
He learned it from his daddy*
*No Joke though, Tiger’s dad was a similar asshole to his mom apparently, and Tiger used to whine and cry about it to his college “girlfriend”
initially, when responding to allegations of adultery, tiger’s only comment was “my dad’s boner ghost did it.”
I care about Tiger Woods as much as the next person who doesn’t care about Tiger Woods, BUT the Vanity Fair article is a must read. Like, for instance, he had an affair with a waitress for 18 months and the only thing he ever bought her was a Subway sandwich. AND that Tiger is a 5 dollar footlong, if you know what I mean.
He’s Cheap, Poorly Constructed, and Gives me Diarrhea?
“I have a subscription to Vanity Fair” -shellbomber
Oh snap! I deserve that.
Have you read the article in New York Magazine about Ms. Uchitel and whole VIP Host / Bottle Girl culture? Interesting counterpoint to the Tiger Woods perspective, but mostly it’s just a glimpse into the thoroughly vile world of after-hours banker/tycoon meat-packing clubs.
http://nymag.com/news/features/65238/
“I have a subscription to the internet” – ignatz
L’il ainjil.
Yup. I keep my official Intertubezzz membership card on my mantle, right next to my Starbucks GOLD card.
Cause it’s like that. And that’s the way it is.
“So Seriously, Son, How did you Bone Down all those Skanks without your wife having so much as a clue?”
I know, right? Earl is obviously wondering what Tiger learned in the skank-banging department.
you know something is considered important when it is used as the subject of a nike commercial
Also when it’s in black and white.
Its all part of the new marketing push for Nike hallucinogenic sports drinks. They inspire you to be better by reminding you of how much you’ve disappointed your parents with your sexual decisions.
This is just the beginning of a series of advertisements. The next will be Tiger’s father asking Elin if she’s learned anything since beating her husband with a golf club, followed by one where he addresses the audience to ask if we’ve learned anything by ignoring SPOUSAL ABUSE to focus instead on infidelity.
Well, Dad, I learned how to make millions of dollars with a frowny face.
I wanna meet that dad.
What’s your Dad like?
i cant stop thinking about your dad
Just Doo Dah Doo Doo It.
This is hilarious.
Adultery. Just Do it.
In all honesty, this is the only commercial Nike could make. They, along with everyone else on the planet, have spent more than a decade telling how Tiger is some sort of Jesus of sporting; the chosen one or whatever. Now that he is resurrecting his image, it only makes sense that they’d have his father fly down from heaven (b/c he’s god or whatever) and scald his son for getting his dick wet so much. Logic, sense, reason are only a few of the appropriate adjectives I could use to describe this advert.
Scold! He scolded his son. If he scalded his son, it would be more likely that the manifestation of Earl Wood’s actually flew up, from hell.
option a) make a commercial with your dad’s ghost; option b) don’t make a commercial at all. i would have gone with option b.
option c) make a commercial with lebron james? the kids still like lebron james don’t they? and i’m sure he’s got more than enough skank-banging abilities to support a nike ad campaign…
Only if he’s a puppet who hangs out with puppet-Lebron James.
Considering his penchant for shaming celebrities by invoking their dead parents, I can’t help but suspect Jay Leno was involved in this.
ugh, I had become complecent about Jay Leno. thank you for reminding me that he is seriously the worst.
also i wonder what Tiger’s dad was actually talking about since its been taken out of context.
Advertising is a form of violence and I am lying in a bloody pulp.
After watching this, now I want to attack him with a golf club.
Have we already reached capacity for Wood jokes?
Q: What did the tree wear to the pool party? A: Swimming trunks!
q: what’s brown and sticky? a: a stick!
Q: What else is brown and sticky?
Christ, I hate you for making me even WANT to go there.
I KNOW there’s a Tiger Woods/Evil Dead horrific-tree-rape joke just waiting to be made here.
“No, dad. I mean, look at this.”
Wait, I don’t get it. What about Tiger Woods?
This is meme fodder.
I’ve had a go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOtvytWFN0I
That’s inspired, Batteredgnome. I hope it snaps at the heels of this asshole ad all over interwebz.
You’re very kind. I don’t give two shits about Tiger Woods, I’m more about having a go at the TURD MERCHANTS (geddit?) who made this trash.
i hate so many commercials that i am not even going to watch this one. so little time, so many commercials to hate. right now i really hate this paint commercial where some fabulous city living ladiezzzzzzzz paint their bathroom bright pink. then one girls boyfriend doesnt call her, so she writes on her wall with lipstick! im so mad im going to vandalize my own apartment and ruin my makeup about it! ill never love again and neither will he! then he DOES call, so, you know, whoops. but dont worry, because the stupid pink paint is washable! it will withstand your insane overreactions to things! live your life, girlfriend!
LL Cool HI: Ladies Love Cool Home Improvement.
My thoughts upon watching this commercial: “Man, I need to get some Nikes. Maybe then my dead father will speak to me. I mean, we were never that close when he was alive, but if I have the right shoes, maybe his spirit will let me know that he really did love me after all and I can get some closure on these emotional wounds. Or maybe I could get those shoes that can make my butt look nice.”
Couldn’t they have just remade the classic anti-drugs ad?
Ghost Dad: Where did you learn to pick-up cocktail waitresses, son!
Tiger: I learned it from you, dad!
Full Disclosure: I did not watch the commercial.
this is your penis. this is your penis inside a cocktail waitress.
Needs more magic everywhere in this bitch.
shudder and laugh combo reaction.
Now THAT is inspired. And also proves you are paying attention. Kudos +10948
Tiger’s just sad because he hasn’t experienced the miracles of crows, ghosts, and the midnight coast.
How do you pitch to someone a commercial where they stare contritely into the camera while their dead father chides them? And how does that someone agree to do it? I don’t know if that boardroom conversation would be more awkward or cynical.
What a fucking dick. His dead father, I mean. Tiger Woods deserves the money he received.
But, on a side note, just fucking play golf.
Earl Woods is rolling over in his grave right now. In an attempt to get a grab at some of that sweet, sweet Nike money.
tiger, you are grounded for sixty-eight weeks. you can only leave your room to golf and to make nike commercials.
the next time you screw pancake house ladies, you will not be allowed to make nike commercials at all.
got that, mr. seriousface?
“I have learned that I can get women despite my froggy face.”
That commercial totally killed any desire I had to spend too much money on athletic shoes today.
Why can’t Nike just leave Tiger alone?
Wasn’t Earl Woods a notorious philanderer? I always pictured Tiger’s dad finding out what happened and then giving highfives all around.