Photos
Considering how the last BNPG was literally too easy (although it was not the stupidest BNPG we have played, that would obviously be #oppositemovies) today we’re going to take on a bigger challenge. This game is for PROFESSIONAL GAMETHELETES ONLY.
It all centers around this incredible clip from the 1999 movie She’s All That, starring Freddie Prinze Jr. as some kind of super-intense Hackey Sack Performance Artist? Honestly, this is one of the weirdest and also most hilarious things that I have ever seen:
Hahahaha. Boom goes the mindemite!
“Everyone is counting on you! Never! Let! It! Drop!”
-Freddie Prinze Jr. (1976-2012)
Now, if you have actually seen the 1999 movie She’s All That, you are automatically disqualified. Sorry! But for those of you who have not seen it, the game is this: write the plot for this movie. This scene is the climax of your movie. Please describe what happened leading up to this moment, and explain what the resolution will be for these characters. So, for example:
A young boy is found wandering without any memory of who he is. A family takes him in and begin to look for clues to help him find his way home. In the meantime, they notice that the boy seems to have certain special abilities, not usually found in kids his age, or even fully-grown adults. Now the family is counting on him to win enough money to keep away the evil land developers by winning big at the Regional Hackey Sack Performance Art Semi-Finals down at the cafe? I think it is a cafe. Then he wakes up and it had all just been a dream.
OK, that is mostly just the description for the 1985 Barret Oliver vehicle, D.A.R.Y.L., copied and pasted from IMDB with a little bit of Goonies thrown in for fun. I fold! You will not fold, though. You will play. TO THE DEATH! (Please do not die over this.) (Video via lostandmound.)
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Rachel Leigh Cook is pretty
i don get dis partay game da old ons wode jus be movie qwots. in mastur of disguys he says turtle turtle or in austin powars he says grr babay and get in my bel-lay. or in ace vetuna he says LIKE MY GLOVE
i probably missed the part where we all talked about this. but um, say waht?!
You crazy for this one, Reset Button
YAAAAAYY!!!!
Is it sad that seeing a Steve Winwood and Da Cake Eatur comment right next to each other is probably gonna be the best part of my day? Yes, it’s sad.
And Gabe, can you pleeeeaze let him stick around? We can pretend that whole nonsense never happened.
I wonder… if Gabe bans him from Videogum 2.0, will Steve will somehow mysteriously disappear too?
Don’t feed him after midnight or get him wet (twss?)
This is exactly like the end of King Lear, when Lear realizes what a fool he was to banish Cordelia, except that Gabe isn’t blind and Da Cake Eatur isn’t dead (probably).
And Cordelia wasn’t a troll.
If that’s sad, I never wanna be happy!
…what?
Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
It’s you! Is it you? Don’t play with my heart, you rascally monkey!
http://i601.photobucket.com/albums/tt91/pachecofores/welcome-back-asshole.jpg?t=1270671505
IZ U RELLY BAK?????
Since I started commenting literally right after he quit, could someone remind me exactly what incident caused the ban?
gab got mad for me i wanted NEW PICTIRES!!
Aw shucks – curse my early 90s love of high school hi-jinks movies. I’m sitting on the bench for this one, monsters. Please do not hit me with dodgeballs (I guess dodgeballs are jokes, according to this metaphor? I am confusing myself again. Time for a repeat viewing of Can’t Hardly Wait to clear the noggin).
I feel a bit singled out with this one since I referenced Rachael Leigh Cook’s makeover scene in this movie when Videogum had its recent makeover. I never even play this game, but now that I am specifically disqualified, I really want to.
I’ve seen it too. Multiple times. Sad. Can I just point out how appropriate the Bjork ad right next to the video is? I think maybe Zach actually stole his hackey sack performance art from Bjork.
Zack was faced with a very serious and utterly absurd task, if he had less than 50 or more than 60 sacks per minute everyone at his school would die
Shoot the hostage.
Now I have a reason to regret having watched this terrific movie, that reason being I don’t get to submit any …hilarious… submissions for this party game.
Freddie Prinze Jr. Goes to Camp, Saves Christmas, Goes to Jail, Gets Scared Stupid, Rides Again, Goes to School, Slam Dunks, Goes to Africa, Joins the Army, then that happens, and then he dies. (It’s a drama right?) The End.
Kevin has always been following in the footsteps of his older and more accomplished brother Brian. His brother, a national champion in hacky sack, has all the love and attention of their father, who from an early age has trained Kevin and Brian to be the best. “Hack-ee-sack!” he would yell. “NEVER LET IT DROP!” The movie begins with the father on his death bed, grabbing Kevin’s hand and whispering, “you were my only mistake.” Kevin must enter into an existentialist struggle with the rejection of his father and the invalidation of his life’s pursuit, hacky sacking. He tries to pursue other careers and outlets for his energy, but he can’t escape the crushing notion that he is desecrating the memory of his father with these non-sacking endeavors. The climax of the movie (and the final scene) is the clip above, in which Kevin resigns himself to a fatalistic approach to life and decides to randomly enter a talent show and let his talent take him where it may.
His name’s Zach! Replace every Kevin with Zach.
HA ha! You wrote the wrong name
It was the 90′s. All Kevins and Zachs were interchangeable.
Hack-ee-Zach.
Starring Justin Bieber as the hackey sack.
more like hackey SUCK. Right?
Freddie has to convince the people of Planet Coffee Shop that despite his lack of blue skin, he means them no harm. In return they train him in their ways of Ha’cky Sa’ck. During his initiation ritual–consisting of standing on their Home Stage, the most sacred space in Planet Coffee Shop–he concentrates and successfully hacks long enough to become One of Them. Little do the blue people know, though, that he only wants to get them to drop their defenses so he can steal their secret for roasting Unobtanium beans.
I’m sure I could come up with a great one of these, but every time I refresh the page, I get Joe-Rogan-Rolled and I have to go throw up.
“She’s All That” (1999): The movie’s five “parts” are as follows: The Part about the Drum Circle, the Part About Julia Stiles, the Part about Sister Hazel, the Part about the Crimes and the Part About the Hackey Sack – all linked by varying degrees of concern with the unsolved murders of upwards of 300 young, poor, mostly uneducated Mexican women in Ciudad Juárez (Santa Teresa in the movie).
The Part about the Drum Circle describes a group of four European fraternity brothers who have forged their lives around the elusive German hackey sack artist, Freddie Prinze Jr. Their search for Prinze ultimately leads them to the Mexican border town of Santa Teresa in Sonora.
The Part About Julia Stiles concentrates on Julia Stiles, a mentally unstable student of hip-hop dance at the University of Santa Teresa, who fears her bipedal cat will be caught up in the violence of the city.
The Part Sister Hazel follows easy rocking band Sister Hazel who is sent to Santa Teresa to play at an MTV Spring Break event (despite knowing very little about Spring Break). The band become interested in the murders and all contract STDs from a salad bar.
The Part about the Crimes chronicles the murders of hundreds of women in Santa Teresa from 1993 to 1997. It also depicts the police force in their fruitless attempts to solve the crimes. This portion of the movie features Matthew Lillard and Tom Greene.
The Part About the Hackey Sack reveals that the mysterious Hackey Sack Artist is in fact Hans Reiter (Prinze Jr.), born in 1920 in Prussia. This section explains how a provincial German soldier on the Eastern Front became a professionall ‘hacker’ in contention for the Nobel Prize.
marry me?
Your prize is a delicious bowl of neapolitan ice cream.
I think you’ve made Bolano proud.
You’ve made me proud anyways.
Wow.
!!! The fact that this exists!
Of course, now I want to hear about the three next parts all found while searching through Freddie Prinze Sr.’s papers posthumously, too.
aaaahahahaha this made me lol
Oh fuck. Is this 2666? Cos I really want to read that, has it just been spoilered?
the real shame here is that “she’s all that” is spoilered for me now
It has not been spoiled.
I’m counting this whole stinking thread as another vote for a Videogum Book Club (or BIBLIOGUM, if you will). WHO is going to make this happen pls? #bibliogum
Yes! I am more than willing to read books.
#bibliogum is such a friendlier trending-topic than #vforvgum ever was. I’m FOR it.
you win…my heart.
On July 2, 1937, Amelia Earhart (Rachel Leigh Cook) and her navigator, Fred Noonan (Freddie Prinze Jr), are on the last leg of an around-the-world flight. Moving in vignettes from her early years when Earhart was captivated by the sight of an aircraft flying overhead on the Kansas prairie where she grew up, her life over the preceding decade gradually unfolds. As a young woman, she is recruited by publishing tycoon and eventual husband George Putnam (Matthew Lillard) to become the first woman to cross the Atlantic Ocean, albeit as a passenger. Taking command of the flight results in a success and she is thrust into the limelight as the most famous woman pilot of her time.
Embarrassed that her fame was not earned, Earhart commences to set a myriad of aviation records, and then recreates her earlier transatlantic flight, becoming the first female pilot to fly solo across the Atlantic. Throughout a decade of notoriety, Earhart falls into an awkward love affair with pilot and future Federal aviation administrator Gene Vidal (Paul Walker), but is drawn back to her husband on the eve of her last momentous flight, a round the world circumnavigation that is fraught with perils. Earhart’s first attempt ends in a fiery crash in Hawaii, forcing her to take the repaired Lockheed Model 10 Electra “Flying Laboratory” in a reverse direction, leaving the lengthy transpacific crossing at the end of her flight.
Setting out to refuel at tiny Howland Island, radio transmissions between USCGC Itasca, a Coast Guard picket ship, and Earhart’s aircraft reveal a rising crisis, as her fuel begins to run out. Her last message is a cryptic position report that the Coast Guard radio operators realize is not of sufficient length to provide a “fix”. Earhart and Noonan continue to fly on, as the story ends.
Then, in a flash of light, Earhart and Noonan are transported into an alien mothership. Earhart is forced to wear weird makeup. The aliens force Noonan to a hackey sack competition in a holodeck. If he drops the sack, they all die.
He drops the sack. They all die.
You’re obsessed with Amelia because it is the movie you watched with your pretend girlfriend who you would later marry in your world of fantasy
yep! this is how i pictured it with my pretend girlfriend who I would later marry in my world of fantasy
Can I nominate this move for the Hunt?
Zack is in a bind. He must ruin the career of a new, up-and-coming female movie star. What methods will he stoop to to ensure she is never again seen in another movie again? One thing’s for sure, their lives will never be the same.
That disqualifies me and everyone dear to me. Better luck next BNPG.
I wanted to write a plot for a movie called “She’s All Sack”, but I soon realized that the title would be very misleading and bring the wrong audience to the theater.
Porno Switcheroo!
whoops. I sugested this as a title before reading yours. I think it’s awesome. the awesomest.
A young man named Tyler is conflicted about his mundane job and dull existence. Feeling shut-off from the rest of the world, and longing to feel alive, he meets a man that is everything he isn’t, together they form a club of men wishing to defy to social morays of society and hold hackey sack competitions in old abandoned buildings. Tyler is eventually shocked to discover that he has been the ultimate hackey sacker all along, and that the only person who could defeat him was his own alter-ego.
The first rule of sack club is you do not talk about sack club.
Adapted from William Shakespeare’s play “The Taming of the Shrew,” 10 Things I Hack About You starts off with Freddie, new student at Padua High, sitting in the office of the quirky guidance counselor Ms. Perky. He is then shown around the school by Michael, who will become his best friend. During his tour is when Freddie first sees Bianca Stratford, a beautiful sophomore with one problem: she fucking hates hacky sack. And so does her “shrew” sister, Katarina, a senior who loves indie rock and feminist prose and hates conformity. But Kat and Bianca’s father alter’s his house rule: now, Bianca can date… as long as the boy plays hacky sack. Now, in order for Freddie to date Bianca, he has to find someone to teach him how to juggle the bag. So Michael helps him enlist the help of pretty-boy/jerk/model Joey Donner, tricking him into thinking that *he* will get to take Bianca out if he pays somebody to teach freddie about hacking (sack). His choice: Patrick Verona, a bad-boy with a mysterious reputation–some say he ate a live duck once, others that he lit a state trooper on fire, and even more claim that he had a brief porn career. Will Patrick teach freddie how to play? Will Freddie win Bianca’s heart? Or will everything hit the fan…? With hacky sack. And freddie prinze jr.
jlkrekel, I’m upvoting you because I’m really impressed with your intimate knowledge of 10 Things I Hate (or Hack) About You.
Speaking of The Bard, I overheard a future award-winning playwright utter this today on campus: “…look what Tyler Perry done. William Shakespeare ain’t even did that!”
A future award-winning playwright? Which one, Dan or Vanessa?
I’m disqualified. Damn, my 14 year old self for making me watch this!
Fuck it.
Billy Frank is a shy, young mixed-race guy who is sent away by his alcoholic mother at a very early age. At an orphanage, he befriends Louise and Roxanne. Flash forward to 1983. Billie and her friends are spotted by a record producer, Timothy Walker, who wants them to sing backup for his latest pop-music discovery. But when super DJ Dice hears Billy’s incredible voice, he makes a shady deal with Timothy to get him out of that dead-end situation. Soon, Billy and Dice are making hits inside the studio, and falling in gay love outside of it. Eventually, the pressure of her newfound celebrity puts too heavy a strain on Billy, forcing him to decide what it is he really wants from Dice, and what he wants for himself.
A pretty, popular girl gets dumped by her popular boyfriend. In order to prove to her friends that she could make anyone popular, she makes a bet that she could make anybody in the school into the winner of the end-of-the-year talent show. Her friends pick the most obviously uncool and uncoordinated boy in school (he had on glasses and was the “artsy type”). After several attempts at gaining his trust and taking off his glasses, she finally learns that his inner beauty (in this case, his hackey sack skills) is more valuable than any kind of bet. He watches from the darkened corner as he wows the entire school with a thrilling performance piece highlighting his innate talent at hackey sacking. They fall in love, and there’s a choreographed dance scene.
I have seen this film and so I lose twice!
He’s a cybertimecop. From the Future. His time machine motorcycle breaks down in 1991 on a college campus and he must hide his identity from the students and blend in as best as he can. What they don’t know is that he is malfunctioning because he was en route to get his CPU replaced before he broke down. And now he can’t stop hackeysacking because it was the last thing he learned. And it is hard acting natural when all your circuits can make you do is hackeysack.
Eventually he has to tell someone his secret, and that someone is the girl with the pallor of a store mannequin. They fall in love in the process, she teaches herself time machine motorcycle repair, and they travel to the future together to get his CPU replaced.
The final shot is of a hackey sack frozen in amber on Cybertimecop’s desk.
There is also a sexytime scene, obviously. Just thrown in there.
In the future The highways of Australia are ruled by violent gangs who have turned the highways into a battleground as they loot hackey sacks and terrorize the innocent. Max Prinze Jr. is a policeman who had everything until, a murderous motorcycle gang led by the evil Toecutter burns his partner Jim Goose to death and murders his wife and son, after Max killed their leader “The Knight Kicker”. Loosing his rocker, Max decides to take the law into his own hands as he sets out to get his revenge on the motorcycle gang and become the road warrior known as “Mad Sacks”
The 90s. Bill Clinton made the presidency fun again, the third wave of feminism crested, everyone wore flannel, and all those under-30 Gen-Xers dreamed of one thing, and one thing only: to become world-famous Hackey Sack Performance Artists.
Seattle, 1994: young Freddie, under the name Piss River, hackey sacked for years in underground clubs, gaining a following of disaffected hipsters whose pain was ameliorated by Piss River’s hackey sacking, if only for a little while. Then, one night , an A & R man from Universal Hackey Sacking was in the audience and caught Piss River’s incredible set. His mind was blown, and he rushed the stage afterwards to sign Piss River. After a brief altercation (when Piss River called the A & R man a corporate asshole and punched him in the face), Freddie signed to Universal and quickly topped the Hackey Sack charts.
Success was hard on Freddie. He was never entirely stable to begin with, and all the fame and were too much for him. He became addicted to homemade ecstasy (an unholy combination of psuedoephedrine and Smarties) and soon, he alienated all those who cared about him and died alone in a Chicago hotel room, surrounded by hackey sacks and hookers.
-Fin-
How could he be alone with hookers? It’s a motherfucking mystery miracle, I tells ya.
didn’t you mean to write, “and he died alone in his guest house after shooting himself in the head with a shotgun?”
In a future devoid of hope because of Big Corporations ruining the planet with bulldozers, one scientist tries to reason with the President of the Big Corporation and asks him to stop all the destruction. When he laughs in her face, then tells her to “get with it, loser” at a news conference, she concocts a plot to go back in time to convince a younger version of the President that the world is worth saving. After arriving in 1999, she poses as a high school student hoping to find some small part of humanity in the President while engaging in wacky high school hi-jinx, such as when she has to hide in a locker to avoid being seen, then gets trapped there for the night, only to be discovered by a kindly janitor named Bubs who tells her about the secret of waxing floors. However, it is only when she finally watches the President perform at the Hacky Sack and Performance Art: Twin Snakes of the Mind Invitationals that his humanity is revealed. She travels back to her own time and, after confronting the President with her secret knowledge, is able to convince him to save the planet and marry her and make hackey sack juggling legal again (he made it illegal before to cover up his pain).
A platoon of knit & hemp hackey sacks attack the residence of a small town. Many people die. It’s not known what caused the jumping menace to attack. Some of the townspeople are able to fight back with coathangers and their own feet, They are able to find the plague’s weakness: Nickelback music. The townspeople survive the Sackdemic.
A young autistic boy can only communicate to the outside world through hackey-sack. His bookish yet beautiful classmate, who has no pigment in her skin, encourages him to enter the school talent show and open his world to the students who have been unable to accept him into their own. Lessons about life and love are learned, and the students, wowed by the boy’s amazing sack skills, finally realize that there is a little sack in all of us.
“There is a little sack in all of us.” TWSS.
Is it just me, or did they use a Hackey Sack Stunt Double to do all the awesome hacking? They only show the lower body for the most complicated hacks.
Freddie Prinze Jr. was too busy banging your sister to be bothered by little things like learning how to hack the sack.
Set in 1999, this film shows how young people resist their adulthood and seek refuge in their beloved pastimes. The mundane, childish, and titillating details of their lives are shared across a billiard table, in muscle cars, and (most poignantly of all) dance offs. But the golden moments pass, and the infantile youths shoulder their responsibilities, leaving their pastimes behind, for the future: Hacky Sacking.
Freddie’s character wasn’t raised in your typical family. You see, it is tradition in his family that if a second male is born, he must decide to become a eunuch on or before his 11th birthday or else be banished. Now Freddie loved his family dearly but he could not bring himself to fulfill their wishes. As such, he is cast out of the compound his family keeps in rural New Mexico and sets out an amazing yet difficult journey to manhood. Throughout the film, Freddie’s character, Steve, is haunted by the chants his parents and older siblings used to mock him while he was a boy. “Never let it drop, Never let it drop, Never let them drop!” (which is a reference to his testicles, btw, if you’re not following me. Geez, keep up). Finally, when he is about 19, Steve meets Winny Wood and falls in love. She is a performance artist and heiress to a hackey sack bead manufacturing empire who wears very severe make-up and eventually she teaches Steve to let exercise his demons through hackey sack performance art. In the end they are killed by a drunk driver.
In 1976, a woman in Kansas was kidnapped and killed. Her assailant forced her to stand beneath a piano and hold the rope which kept it suspended above her. This crime was repeated 17 times over the next four years. Women throughout the midwest were kidnapped and forced to hold heavy objects above their heads until they died. The eighteenth woman was forced to juggle knives, but though police think she did eventually drop them all, this (somewhat obviously) didn’t kill her, since the knives just stuck into the floor. Her assailant shot her.
The police having discovered that the assailant owns a gun proceed to investigate why he doesn’t just shoot his victims. They find nothing, and the trail goes cold. No more murders occur. In 1996, an alcoholic cop comes across the case file, and resumes the investigation. Following a trail of bizarre religious quotations left at the crime scenes, he is led to the home of a fanatically religious hermit living in Montana. The hermit died years ago, but his long-abandoned home shows clear evidence that he is the killer. This evidence is mostly composed of pianos still suspended from the ceiling. The case is published in newspapers around the midwest.
Freddie Prinze Jr’s mother sees these reports and collapses. She is sent to the hospital, having had a heart attack. During her recovery, she reveals to Freddie Prinze Jr that the hermit was his father. They met in a piano bar in St. Louis in the early 80s and slept together once before the man disappeared. Freddie Prinze Jr is a weird, disastrously unpopular high school kid who shows clear signs of autism spectrum disorder. He is obsessed with balancing things. He was that kid that balances a broom in the 2nd grade talent show. He also juggles and plays hackey sack alone obsessively. Faced with his mother’s revelation, he is consumed with self-doubt and terror that he is simply following in his father’s footsteps.
The final 30 minutes of the movie are a rather rushed collage of scenes between Freddie Prinze Jr and Rachel Leigh Cook, the only other weird and unpopular kid in his school, as Freddie struggles with his personal identity. Finally, in a dramatic moment of self-actualization, Freddie Prinze Jr embraces his obsessive love for all things juggling-and-balancing-related, and funnels his energy into a climactic work of performance art. It is received tepidly by his school’s faculty. Freddie Prinze Jr is finally comfortable in his own skin. The movie ends, and over the final black screen, it is revealed that in his 30s Freddie Prinze Jr does indeed follow in his father’s footsteps, ironically killing his first victim by forcing her to hold a crate of hackey sacks over her head. Fin.
Directed by David Fincher.
In space, no one can hear your hacky sack drop.
We follow a bunch of high school kids through a period in their puberty (gross). Their lives mainly consist of (boys!) watching girls in the shower and making life a living hell for their teachers and for each other, and (girls!) being shoppers. Two main figures emerge. Kyle and Sarah. The epiphany of what their lives could be and what there lives are not come to a head in the most poignant scene in moviedom (no spoilerso!). You’ll just have to watch it to see it.
In the future FPJr wanders into an antique store that contains all sorts of toys and gadjets from the 20th century. While one of the other patrons (played by Scott Wolf) is messing around with a “vintage” gadjet FPJr is accidentally shrunk to sub-atomic size and injected into the body of Clifford (as played by Martin Short). Clifford is then accidentally shrunk to sub-atomic size and injected into a “vintage” hacky sack from 1999. The shop owner (played by Jessica Lang) does not have insurance and so uses a “vintage” time machine to send the FPJr/Clifford/Hacky Sack back to 1999 to avoid being sued.
In a twist of fate the hacky sack falls into the hands of FPJr of the past who learns that he must hack at a speed of 88 MPH in order to restore the future to save the past and prevent Wing Commander from ever being made.
The movie is called “She’s All That and a Bucket of Vintage: Based on the novel Sack by Wilt Chamberlain”.
After finding out he only has a week to live, Freddie Prinze Jr.’s character travels across North America performing with his hackey sack in order to raise $500, 000 for a procedure that will cure his rare, and mysterious disease. After performing several times and making enough money for his operation, a mean drifter steals Prinze’s money and runs away into the distance, leaving Prinze left to die at a sleazy motel. Defeated and upset, Prinze hitchhikes back home to Wisconsin; however, on his way home, he comes across a strange millionaire and his mansion in the middle of nowhere. The strange man is holding an underground vampire rap battle contest. Prinze faces some tough competition (including an Elvis vampire singing “A Little Less Conversation, a Little More Bitiing”), but nevertheless wows the crowd with his hackey sack skills. He wins the contest, as well as a million dollars, and a brand new Corvette from the mysterious millionaire’s four car garage. On his way back home, he sees the same drifter who stole his money dead on the side of the road. “Good,” Freddie Prinze Jr.’s character says, “good;” and he drives off into the distance.
since i’m in a crabby mood, this explains my feelings towards this BNPG:
http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/04-1.gif?w=300&h=169
ugh fail
Uhh… would you like a hug?
Nick Cave has lost weight.
Zach once had a late night show, which wasn’t good at first but then really got good.
Then he had another show at an earlier timeslot and it was the best.
Then he got that show taken away by a chin.
Now this.
This summer couldn’t be more crucial for Zack, a blue-collar kid with aspirations to become a major league hacky sack player. Every summer, the hottest college foot-bag players descend upon Cape Cod to pursue their hacky sack dreams during the day and blow off steam in town at night. The first local boy in years to earn a slot in the team, Zack finally gets his shot…but the temptations off-field are getting in the way of his commitment to the sack. Soon, a beautiful young goth who summers in the town with her family distracts Zack. As the friction builds between his loyal townie friends and his cocky teammates, Ryan’s rivalry with hot-shot teammate Eric comes to a head. When a major league scout comes along, however, Zack tries to push the pangs of romance and player rivalry aside, because his hacky sack talent may be his only ticket out of the small industrial town. Will Zack’s aw-shucks demeanor win over the big league scouts? Will he ever break free from his father’s disciplined demands that he practice at all hours and stop showboating? Only time and the sack know for sure.
I was going to upvote it, but did you copy and paste? The Ryan there was like a big Dwihgt in the middle of Threat Level Midnight.
Zack’s father always wanted to be a hackey sack champion. He practiced every day and became very good. Then just a few weeks before the National Hackey Sack Tournament, he was drafted and shipped off to fight in WWII. The father raised Zack to be the best hackey sacker there is, beating him every time he let it drop.
One day Zack was walking home from high school ( he looked 30 but was actually just in high school) while hackey sacking. At this point, he hackey sacked wherever he went. So, as he was walking and hackey sacking, he saw a girl drowning in a lake. He wanted to save her but could not figure out a way to swim out to her while still not letting the hackey sack drop, so he was unable to. Zack feels crushing guilt for not saving the girl, and now whenever he goes on tour hackey sacking in Starbucks’ all around the country, he is haunted by that girl’s ghost, watching him from the audience.
Eventually, Zack finds the strength within himself to let the hackey sack drop, thus freeing himself from his abusive father’s hold and freeing the ghost to go on to the afterlife. The Starbucks crowd seems to really like it too.
From the mind of Diablo Cody.
Man. I’d like to think this post from Gabe came about in some small part because I referenced this exact scene in a comment on the Down to You WMOAT post. Nonetheless I’ll console myself with the happy, if incorrect, notion that Gabe and I are identical mind twins.
Freddy Prinze Jr. had to keep his heart rate up or he would die. He played hackey-sack. He dropped it and came to terms with his own death. Everyone clapped.
*slow-clapped
Unfortunately I am disqualified. Twice.
I have seen this movie many times, because my dad loves it and watches it every time it comes on television.
In an alternate 1985 where superheroes exist, the murder of a colleague sends active vigilante Rorschach into his own sprawling investigation. He determines that an impostor is among them, one without real super powers. Rorschach challenges Zach (AKA Sack Attack) to prove that his legendary hackey sack powers are genuine. His partner & lover, Laney (AKA the Pale Wonder) watches during the climax as he proves his skills to the world, Rorschach standing behind the curtain, ready to shoot Zack if he allows the sack to touch the ground.
Zack succeeds and helps Rorschach catch the killer, the legless avenger, by challenging to a contest he could never have won.
i was not on board until that last sentence. so funny.
Zack always hung out with the popular kids, but, despite being smart and pretty, never really was as naturally cool as his friends. He was too bookish and smart, and was shrill when he meant to be funny, and had kind of silly hair. That all changed when he joined a hackey sack team with two other kids, Lisa and Kelly. Together the three of them became insanely popular- their hackey sacking knew no bounds! They developed hackey sacking routines where they bounced on mini trampolines in leotards! Hackey sacking while singing their obsessive mantra, “NEVER LET IT DROP!” Zack had never been under so much pressure to maintain in his life. Their rigorous touring and hackeying schedule left him exhausted- too tired to keep up with his studies, too tired to make it to practice. One day, he stumbled across the answer: caffeine pills. They were totally legal! They added more pep to his step and zip to his hips! With them, he really could never let it drop. On the night when Zack and his buds were scheduled to hackey at Madison Square Gardens, Zack’s nowhere to be found. He has collapsed at his house, where the love of his life (she of the strangely no-pigmented face and the funny glasses) finds him moaning on the floor, “NEVER LET IT DROP…. NEVER… NEVER LET IT… NEVER LET ME DROP!!!!” The love of his life, through many trying days and long nights, manages to break him of his horrendous addiction, and, in the final triumphant scene in the film, he retakes the stage, clean and sober and whole.
Damn, I was all ready to play and then you told me I couldn’t play! Gabe, I had to watch She’s All That, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten half the references in Not Another Teen Movie!
Considered the greatest film ever made, our movie opens with the death of its main character, Zack Sack, as he utters the mysterious word “Suicide.” Sack, the richest man in the world — a newspaper magnate, champion of the little people, former husband of the President’s niece, and scandalized candidate for governor — has died on a reclusive note in his magnificent Florida mansion, “Dur Sackhaus,” and now reporters want to learn, what did he mean by his last word? Is it a clue to the inner life of this opaque titan? The movie is then told in a series of vignettes and flashbacks as reporters search for inner-life clues, but basically they come up empty: inner life FAIL. The penultimate scene is workmen going through Sack’s basement and throwing a cyborg woman with a fleshy body but a metal head into a furnace — and as she burns up (don’t worry, she’s not human), she remembers the one moment of truth they shared together, that night they first me (they were 19), in a guerrilla performance art space behind a Kansas City gas station, when Zack Sack was just poor Zachlemmuel P. Sakhorski, Mexican immigrant with a dream, and she had just got her model T-4000B Imogenator installed.
Clearly this is the most recent remake of ‘Marat/Sade.’
Celebrating the success of his first play, Richard Collier (Freddie Prinze Jr) is approached by an elderly woman who presses an antique hacky sack into his hand and whispers, “Come back to me.” A few years later, during a period of writer’s block, he sees a photograph in a hotel museum, and learns that this elderly woman was once the talented and lovely hacky actress, Elise McKenna (Rachel Leigh Cook). Becoming more and more obsessed with her, he manages, by self hypnosis and removing all reminders of the present, to travel back in time where he meets her the night before Elise’s August 1992 performance at the Grand Hotel.
Despite the attempts by Elise’s manager William Robinson (Dane Cook) to separate the couple, they fall head over heels in love and with the encouragement of the love of his life, Richard’s writers block is lifted. Inspired, he performs a new one act, one man hacky sack play which he writes and performs himself. All goes well until the hacky sack drops and he realises it was a hacky sack from 2010 and he is transported back to the present where he is overwhelmed by love-torn grief and dies.
Perfection. Also, it reminds me to nominate “Somewhere in Time” for WMOAT.
Everyone is disqualified. This is just a deleted scene from Mulholland Dr.
“Don’t Let it Drop” was too obtuse, so David Lynch just went with the more to-the-point, “Silencio.”
umm… not to be a tattle-tail or anything, but i think all the other kids are LYING, gabe. EVERYONE has seen she’s all that.
Freddie is a brilliant prog musician who has been working on his latest album for the last five years. His perfectionism won’t let him finish the album and “let go.” It has also destroyed every relationship he has ever been in. One day he falls in love with a beautiful goth and is led into a feverishly obsessive relationship in which she sets a series of elaborate obstacles for him. One of these obstacles is designing a performance art piece involving a hackey sack and performing it in front of her hiply derisive friends. As he works on his performance, the hackey sack begins to symbolize his unfinished album….over the next few days he masters the hackey sack as he masters his album, finally deeming the project finished. Cut to the night of the performance. Freddie gets on stage, cues the music (HIS music) and times his hackey sack maneuvers so that the hackey sack drops at the stroke of midnight, the exact moment that his album “drops” on iTunes.
You had me at “brilliant prog musician.”
Freddie Prinze Jr. = Panda Bear
How the hell does that guy get to fuck Buffy?
Fun personal fact: I’m currently watching the complete series of Buffy via Netflix and I’ve discovered that every time Buffy has sex, something terrible happens. Its as if some pro-abstinence group got final cut on every episode and wanted to teach girls not to fool around or your dude will turn evil/get jealous of your super powers and die/never speak to you again. Its really odd to watch in retrospect.
i just spent twenty minutes looking for the damn “because it’s wrong” buffy gif. just imagine it here instead of this comment. also, yes, the weird sexual subtexts are, well, weird in that show, but fuck it, i’m-a gonna love buffy no matter what, and no matter how hard my boyfriend makes fun of me for watching it over and over again. it’s a sad life, but i’ve chosen it.
I am a straight man, and Buffy is my favorite tv show of all time. There is nothing embarrassing about loving a show with such great writing and dynamic character arcs.
As for the sex parables, Buffy was a show about what it means to be a strong woman (or person, really), and one of the major lessons there is learning to stand up to the bad boyfriend/girlfriend. So yeah [spoiler], Angel becomes evil after Buffy puts out, but you’d be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t experienced a similar phenomenon after ill-advised coitus.
As for the time when she and Riley bang so hard and so long that they awaken some kind of repressed sex ghost storm in the frat house, that episode is best left unremembered…
Ill-Advised Coitus is my new favorite phrase. I prefer all of my poor life choices to be splashed with a bit of Lebowski.
riley in general is best left unremembered.
But how ill-advised was it really? Far as I remember it was all True Love and Meant To Be until the exact moment of coitus, which I guess is evil. And the lesson… No man can endure a strong woman? Every boyfriend will turn evil / leave you at the altar / get a sex slave robot / abandon your mom and you / feel inferior and get involved with vampires / can’t control his inner animal (werewolf) / go to England / cheat / etcetera? Wow that’s a long list.
And thanks for not reminding me. I am certainly not thinking of it right now!
@Lakonislate, fair point, but I guess the point is that it never SEEMS ill-advised, even when it is. That’s not to say it’s ALWAYS ill-advised, but the point of the Angel plotline (and many of the others you mention) was to speak to people who have had their heart ripped out and stomped on by someone who they were SURE would love them forever. I think the sex is only a small part of that.
The funniest thing is about that episode is it was condemned by some parents’ group because BUFFY IS A TEENAGER WHO HAD SEX!!! I am guessing they tuned out before they saw the reprecussions.
That also happened on the confusing and horrible show Secret Life of the American Teenager, which is in theory a pro-abstinence show where nothing is ever done or discussed but sex. The class Christian virgin had sex and her dad died at like exactly the same time.
I too am watching (for the first time) all of Buffy, and I tell ya, that Whedon guy has something against relationships, or happiness, or something. (Or men? Maybe men.) EVERY TIME a relationship seems to be going OK, boom! Death out of nowhere, or they really have to go far away now, or they get a soul or lose a soul or go to hell or WHAT. Not just Buffy, but everyone and their parents. Sheesh. I like it though, just started season seven. What the hell is UP with Spike? (No spoilers please…)
I get so excited when people watch Buffy for the first time!!! And nothing bad has happened to them afterwards…so don’t worry!
Joss Whedon is anti-happiness.
I don’t think it’s so much that every time she has sex, something bad happens, but that every time she, or anyone, is even remotely happy, something bad happens. Because there is no happiness in the Jossverse.
I liked the first two seasons of Buffy a lot then lost interest with season three
Going for the lowest comment again, Winwood? My favorite season as a teenager was Seaon 2, but as an adult, it’s Season 6. I guess that is proof that I love dark fucked up plotlines about miserable people about as much as Joss does.
Because DRAMA!
All these long comments are bringing back painful memories of the whole Four Lions/Monsters Ball debacle.
Too soon? [glee cookie gif]
J/K! It wasn’t all that painful! These guys know what I’m talking about. [starving children]
Zack went to a hippie boarding school in the 1980s where the greatest achievement of an aspiring wealthy Deadhead was Top Hacker. That is what they called it in those days before computers gave the word an ugly connotation. He got out of his time machine after visiting the 21st century and watching a One Tree Hill marathon with an appreciation of how repeating the same phrase over and over again gave it a new and deeper meaning every time, only instead of stretching it out over an entire season of programming, he crammed it into three minutes in a desperate attempt to impress the girl from his sister dorm who looked like a prettier version of the girls in the movies in health class about what happens when you get your period. Unfortunately the lights moving around the stage triggered an LSD flashback and he was left staring into space. And then his lips fell off.
Zach was a jewish youth in a small working class 1950s town. He was an excellent hacky-sack player and knew that was his only ticket out. He was such a good hacky sack player that he was given a scholarship to a prestigious New England Prep School populated mostly by WASPY Jerks. After he beats out big time hacky sack jock whose father and brother were both stars of the hacky sack team at prestigious New England Prep School and steals big time hacky sack jock’s girl (Rachel Leigh Cook), hacky sack jock finds out Zach is jewish and stars to harass him with lots of anti-semite behavior. Causing all of the other WASPY Jerks to turn on Zach.
Eventually, all of WASPY Jerks, led by former big time hacky sack jock, concoct a plan using the schools old-time honor system involving class voting and prefects running the honor system to get rid of Zach. He is framed by former big time hacky sack jock for cheating and after lots of meetings with all of the WASPY Jerks he agrees to admit to cheating even though it was really big time hacky sack jock. Why? Because he is the protagonist and must be good.
Then, one of the WASPY Jerks comes forward and says that it wasn’t Zach that cheated and he says to the headmaster, that he knows the headmaster is using him for hacky sack, and he’s going to use the headmaster for Harvard (or something) and dramatically walks away in the snow.
BONUS Scene: He hacky sacks with Rachel Leigh Cook and its shown above. Never! Let! It! Drop!
It’s 2258 and the world is controlled by psychic alien red-headed vampires. In the midst of a thousand wars Earth is gripped by a new craze… the ultimate game of life and death…. hackysack!! Aaron Zardox (Freddie Prinze) is a young magic private eye, who is also an orphan, working in New Vampire City (New York). Soon a series of disappearances leads him down a new and dangerous road. When his mentor, Rodric Scarton (Nicholas Cage) is found dead and the mysterious and beautiful stripper/secret agent Jazzy McDonald (Gwenyth Paltrow) is framed for the crime, Aaron no longer knows who to trust. When he stumbles onto the dark truth he finds himself suddenly a slave in the hackysack death-rings of the vampire overlord Marissath Chankna’ark (red-headed girl) and he must fight for his honor, his freedom, and justice! In the ultimate battle, who will prevail?!
From the mind of L. Ron Hubbard.
Having said that…I would definitely go see this.
this is definitely the best best new party game ever. that’ll do, gabe, that’ll do.
this guy, he played hackey-sack, and then this girl saw him, and then they went out for a couple of months, and they then realized his hackey-sacking (lol) was too much for their relationship so they decided to break-up but they still remain good friends. END
The Devil was a no show at the Crosshack Showdown for the return of Freddie Prinze Jr.’s soul.
A teenage girl named Laney is the prettiest, most popular girl at school. She plans to win the school’s Miss Liberty pageant, but when she is disqualified for being if anything TOO pretty and TOO popular, she consoles herself by saying she could still turn any other student into the pageant winner in six weeks. Her best friend, Sandra (played by Matthew Lilliard) disagrees, and bets her that Laney can’t turn a student of Sandra’s choosing into the winner. While walking through the school, Sandra picks a homely, poorly-dressed, awkward and racially confused boy named Simple Jack.
Musical interlude: Right about now, funk soul brother check it out now funk soul brother.
Blah blah blah, then Sandra enters the contest to make it more difficult for Simple Jack to win, and so does AC Slater, and also Jessie is in the contest because she wants to protest pageants (?) and wears a rain coat instead of a bathing suit, but Zack wins when it is revealed at the very end that he’s not awkward at all…. so long as he’s hackin’! And not wearing glasses.
The end.
Er, and sometimes he’s known as Zack, such as on the pageant circuit.
(Saved it!)
I am disqualified from writing plot-lines (big admission), but may I suggest a title? “Down to Hack: She’s All Sack.” Get it? GET IT?
In the fires of Mount Lame was forged the One Sack. The Fellowship of the Sack was formed, and they all pretended not to hear his cries of “bad pun!” when they ultimately decided to just toss Zack into the fire. It’s a feelgood movie.
In a small, Footloose-esque town, one evil beatnik wizard, Jagles McGuillicutty (played by himself), controls everything. After they meet and fall in love, Zach (Freddie Prinze Jr.) and Julia (Rachel Leigh Cook, in her final film role…seemingly), decide to flea the oppressive town for good. But after a lengthy and sexual tension filled escape attempt, Jagles corners them in a cleverly planned switcheroo-type manuever. Their only chance at escape and a life on the outside, is to participate in Jagles’ annual “Create Metaphors for My Various Sexual Dysfunctions” Performance Art Contest. The top prize being a one way train ticket to the nearest big city. Jagles, knowing props are key, sadistically provides Zach and Julia with nothing but a hacky sack and silver face make-up. The rest has to be seen to be believed…
Freddie is retarded and also he has practiced hackey sack for 10,000 hours. One day he gets on stange and BLOWS OUR FREAKIN MINDS with his hackey sack. A scientist decides to perform an experiment on Freddie to see if she can make him smarter. He becomes so smart. Too smart. He hates that he used to play hackey sack and now that he is so smart he vows to never play hackey sack again. He goes inside the internet and tells her that we will know he has returned when all the phones in the world ring at once. Immediately all the phones start ringing all over the world so we know that he has returned and it is much quicker than we thought it would be. He basically came back right away. Roll Credits.
Tina (Cook) is a rising executive who “succeeds” in finding the perfect guest, IRS employee Barry (Prince Jr.), for his boss’s monthly event, a so-called “beat poetry for idiots,” which offers certain advantages to the exec who shows up with the biggest buffoon.
Zach was always very awkward and shy. He also had a habit of talking to himself out loud constantly. He would say things like “Everyone’s counting on you Zach!” or “Nobody wants to hear you talk to yourself Zach!”. He grew up in a town in the Southeast that never socially evolved past 1960, a wildly racist and sexist place that looked down on minorities and people with disabilities. His mother and father pushed him towards a life of intellectual pursuits, in the hopes that one day he would make it to the big city and start bringing in the big bucks. Then they could finally afford to buy quality linens for their makeshift KKK outfits they like to wear for recreation. All he ever wanted to do was play hacky sack professionally. He spent the better part of his high school years trying to organize a petition to make hacky sack a competitive sport in the Olympics, but it was a failed mission as nobody could figure out exactly what you would DO in a “game” of hacky sack. This failure deeply affected him made him go even further into his shell of poor self esteem, fear, and resentment. But ultimately his painstaking efforts got the attention of several activist groups and non profit organizations looking for headstrong types just like him who could lead the way. He eventually serves as organizational director of Guns For Peace, a group dedicated to the notion that if America could simply produce MORE GUNS, then nobody would want to mess with us. This brings him to New York, where he meets a young girl who waits tables at the coffeeshop on the corner in his neighborhood. The girl is initially put off by him, but is eventually won over by his utter inability to convey even the most basic of human emotions with his face. They start a passionate relationship that is put to the test when out of nowhere, his entire family and several people from his hometown arrive at his doorstep demanding that he “cough up some money” now that he’s “made it to the big city”. When they find him living in what is essentially a closet and working for a non profit group, they lose it and demand a change in his lifestyle. They say, “If you can’t make money for yourself, we’re gonna make you make money for us”. They see that at the coffeeshop on the corner they have an “Open Mic Night” where performers can come on stage and do a piece. Based on their logic that “This town is crawling with movers and shakers with deep pockets”, they figure all he has to do is go up on stage and show his “talent” and they’ll be rolling in cash instantly. This leads to the scene we see above, where he finally gets to show “the world” his true love, the hacky sack in all its glory. At first he’s doing so well, but his nerves and his awkward habit of talking to himself get the better of him, and he drops the sack. This has a profound effect on him. The failure he feels is compounded by the monumental failure he’s already felt in the past, not to mention the anger and resentment he feels towards his family, who is just using him to buy nicer KKK threads. Shortly after the clip we see, he kills himself on stage in front of his girlfriend and family by choking on his hacky sack. The film ends with this message: “To this day, Hacky Sack is still not a recognized sport at the Olympics. To find out how you can help fix that, visit http://www.legitsack.com“
Gabe, did you find this by watching she’s all that on netflix because you realized it was about to expire from ‘starz play’ in a couple of days? because it’s possible that’s what i’m about to do. seems like too much of a coincidence to have so much she’s all that going on in the same week! i need patterns.
young Michael has a knack for mischief. One day while he and his friends are skipping class and smoking cigarettes behind the school gym (Like that still happens) he finds a hackey (fucking shoot me already) sack. It turns out this young and rebellious Michael is actually an amazing hackey sacker (not at all) and ends up going to the league championship. Right before he is about to face the upper class prepster-sacker Jean Paul (played by Adam Goldberg) MICHAEL and the HACKEY SACK DISAPPEAR.
WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!!!!
dont ask where michael and the hackey sack are, but WHEN IS MICHAEL AND THE HACKEY SACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really want to play this game, but sadly I was a 13-year-old girl in 1999, so I’ve seen this movie multiple times. I don’t want to say how many multiples because I am new and I want you guys to like me.