Date: April 5, 2010
Time: Unknown
Location: CNN Headline News
Source: FAILblog
Description: Disgraced professional athlete used TWSS during first press conference after highly-anticipated return to sport-of-choice. Even under normal circumstances, TWSS would be notable for its classic structure and trademark lack of self-awareness. In this particular instance, TWSS is particularly potent due to the explicit sexual nature of said athlete’s scandals. It is the verbal equivalent of someone with an eating disorder tripping on an uprooted piece of cement and falling into a pile of donuts. (For the Best Metaphor Archives.) FILE UNDER: Extra-Strength TWSS.

Comments (18)
  1. i’m over this.

  2. He seems to be, what we in the psychiatric field would term, “adjusting” to his new sex-free life well. A Freudian slip here, and Jungian longing there…. self-potato, self-patatoe. I wonder what TWSS moment he will roll out with next.

  3. maybe TWSSing is what fuels his sex addiction now that he’s not allowed to have sex anymore.

  4. It must be hard for him, considering how sexually charged a sport golf is.

  5. “Even under normal circumstances, (…) would be notable for its classic structure and trademark lack of self-awareness” – That’s what she said! She being a literatry critic, referring to the latest ‘novel’ by Nicolas Sparks. That’s why she’s my girlfriend, too bad she is a person I made up for the sake of this joke. I love you, imaginary Nicolas Sparks hating literary critic!

    Also, we need a TWSS tag! “Sex” or “Sports” do not quite cover the glorious yet disturbing dethps of the human mind that is TWSS

  6. Said Tiger: “Its going to get harder… This will be long and unpleasant and i will have to repay those who have done so much for me, but with patience I know I can finish strong and come to a place that is better than where i was before.”

  7. “The long, hard drives were satisfying, don’t get me wrong. But I haven’t had this much fun with my putter since my last lunch at Hooters.” – Tiger Woods

  8. I just hope they don’t try to bait him at the Masters.

  9. I stopped reading after you brought up falling into a pile of donuts. Talk about a delicious tragedy!

  10. Real quote from Tiger was he was “blown away by the fans” or something to that extent. Tigers treading on thin water with that one. Careful tiger, careful. Baby steps.

  11. Awesome, this was obviously no mistake.

  12. the CNN headline machine was bored.

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