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Wasssssssup!
Listen up, dudes who recognize that there is no single definition of masculinity but rather an infinite variation based on each man’s personal definition of what it means to him, and young women who would rather put pictures up of iconic heroes than teen idols in their locker, today I want to rap at you about the dangers of drug use. Whopper Jr! By now you have probably noticed that all of your peers are doing drugs, and you’re probably pretty scared and confused. Well, you should be! Doing drugs in high school is the number one cause of permanent homelessness.
Of course, you don’t have to take my word for it, and I know that you won’t, because you are your own person, and you don’t let anyone tell you what to do. You make up your own mind! GIRL POWER! But if you don’t want to listen to me, maybe you will listen to the story of a little someone I like to call Chace Crawford, in the trailer for his new movie, Twelve? I thought so.
Da most bomb illness part of it is that the movie is directed by Joel Schumacher. He is one of the best filmers there is, and kids love him. But as you can see, you should not do drugs? Because if you do, then you will fall down on a pile of stuffed animals and the next thing you know, you’re 50 Cent’s girlfriend. I think? But you also shouldn’t NOT do drugs, because if you don’t do drugs then you will become a drug dealer. And you will spend so much time walking through the park or standing up on a roof looking out at something, who knows what, and then you’ll never finish your college application personal essay and you’ll die stupid and unshaven. Careful! XBOX!
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This movie looks
abominable!!!
This is really freaking me out.
Nice werttrew! My girlfriend and I bet on who would have the first comment for this post. I bet on you, she bet on Notsewfast. My life is Videogum. But also, my life is free lunch!
Lucky, but your girlfriend had the better odds!
Usually on Mondays I hardly comment at all because I don’t have office hours and so I do errands (okay I play Mass Effect 2 for hours). But I’m way behind on grading essays so I am in my office, which means I procrastinate every 2.5 minutes by checking on Videogum.
I wish MY professors read Videogum!
That’s it. I’m transferring.
I’m embarrassed to admit I read the book.
Nick McDonell was supposed to be a prodigy. Turns out he was just well-connected:
http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/people/features/12464/
If you do drugs, you get to sleep on a bed of stuffed animals AND have sex with 50 cent?
Teenage girls are going to be freebasing in the science lab by lunch time!
I don’t think the trailer was long enough. It probably needed another minute to get across its subtle, overlapping themes of cyclical addiction and the desperation it leads to. This guy knows what I’m talking about:
So do these guys:
I wonder what size Codpiece Chance Crawford wears in this movie.
more like Breaking Bad
Look how pretty all the people on drugs are, do I need to drugs to look like that?
She’s all that Blows The Wackness
They hated this movie. Also, is that Kiefer Sutherland narrating?
24 got canned. So Yeah, thats Cheefer Sutherland
(Co-incidentally, the name of my Bong)
Mine’s Hannah Bong-tana
Hockey’s the best, and Kiefer narrates those commercials, so therefore this movie will be the best. That’s science!
This is actually Kiefer’s autobiography. His father, Donald is meticulously played by the method actor, 50 Cent. I read all this in Kiefer’s tell-all make-believe book, “24 Lost Boys Stand By Me”.
This is a test comment. Please disregard it.
This is actually Kiefer’s autobiography. His father, Donald is meticulously played by the method actor, 50 Cent. I read all this in Kiefer’s tell-all make-believe book, “24 Lost Boys Stand By Me”.
Yup. Just as bizarre the second time around.
Havoc meets Gossip Girl meets Get Rich or Die Trying meets Batman & Robin meets The Number 23 meets Hotel for Dogs meets that MGMT song?
Peace guys. I have to go get in line for this RIGHT NOW.
My mom will only let me watch that dog movie, looks like I’ll be watching Drake and Josh that night
You mentioned Havoc, starring Anne Hathaway. Can you think of the two reasons why I think that movie is good?
I think Steve Winwood is talking about boobies.
That’s twice today! Dear Mr. Fantasy stop being so dirty
I didn’t know what you were talking about, so I went to his user page, and then to his website, where I came across this nightmare fuel:
Doubly sure, bro!
I think you forgot Requiem for a Dream and that sad little rich bitch chunk of Traffic.
Yay for mentions of Requiem for a Dream!
(no one has ever had such a happy reaction with anything to do with that movie)
MMmmmmm Jennifer Connelly (Home Simpson drooling sound…)
Videogum madlibs!
I need 1 “description of post-feminist masculinity”
2 “idealistic stab at asserting individuality”
3 “hot topic”
4 “product placement”
Wait. So does this mean that my rag soaked in ether is no longer “cool?”
I think you’re looking for Old Folks Korner (what Gabe reads):
Good ‘morrow!!!!
Turn up your hearing aides, old WWI vets who know it’s ok to cry and occasionally wave around a shotgun while shouting racist remarks and then blame it on your PTSD, and golden girls who can still be poised while wearing Poise! ARGYLE SOCKS! Today I would like to converse with you about how we used to walk 15 miles uphill in the snow to get anywhere and also how kids these days have no respect! HOMETOWN BUFFET!
i very much like this.
I want this to exist so much.
When your movie is basically ripping off Family Guy, you know you’re Joel Schumacher.
what this trailer taught me:
1) if you take drugs, you cum in your pants…?
2) everything preview for anything chace crawford does is contractually required to use the same bedazzled font.
the world makes so much more sense now.
Hannover house? That first scene is more like Hangover House.
You were a child,
crawlin’ on your knees toward it.
Makin’ mama so proud,
but your voice was too loud.
We like to watch you laughing.
You pick the insects off plants.
No time to think of consequences.
Control yourself!
But I thought,
this wouldn’t hurt a lot.
I guess not.
Ergo,
This script is based on Kids.
Hey it’s like my high school experience, but instead of 50 cent being the local dealer it was some dude’s older brother living at his parents house, and instead of cokecstasy ( am I right?) it was weed, and instead of NYC it was the suburbs of Maryland, and instead ritzy glamerous drug parties it was byob fridays at whoevers unfinished basement. But thats only a few minor expceptions
Gossip Girl: The Film is just like Gossip Girl: the television series, but with more black people and less Kristen Bell. I call it a wash.
black person. Singular.
Oh wait nevermind. Two black people. You’re right.
You’re also forgetting the naked picture of Tyrese that Chase Crawford keeps stuffed between the hundred dollar bills in his wallet.
Naked pictures. Chase Crawford really loves (naked) black people (Tyrese).
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Kristen Bell is the voice of Gossip Girl, so you’re right that she’s not on screen but she’s the one always xoxoing us
I wouldn’t mind Kristen Bell xoxoing me. (sorry)
Apology accepted, Captain Needa
Also I’m not making fun of Kristen Bell, just teasing you. I’m a huge Veronica Mars fan
Please, no, Darth Winwood!
#nerdgum
#fellownerdgum
wow, Gangy, you win.
“Last night I did this thing. It’s like scotch and then its like vodka”
“Yeah. It’s called Scotchka”
Needless to say, Scotchka is the name of my new band.
You’re tearing me apaaaaart, Napoleon Complex!
Keep your stupid comments in your pocket, hostpur!!!
[Just joking. You can keep your stupid comments wherever you want. {Also kidding, your comment wasn't stupid I was joking lesss be fwends}]
No, you are absolutely right. I got the results of my test back — my comments are definitely stupid.
scotchka will be the name of your band when youre old enough, young lady. until then itll have to be sunnytang.
Coincidentally, “Sunnytang” is my porn star name.
I wrote a short film screenplay one for college (COLLEGE!) that had a band named Scotchka. I decided then and there if I were ever to write more scripts to anything it would involve references to The Room.
Um, I believe the guy who cums in his pants is PC from NYC Prep.
PC = premature cum(m?)ing
You monsters always inspire me to make language-based puns :\
That is the politically correct term. As opposed to polack conduct.
Something about kielbasas.
They had me at
Equation for a very original movie:
The Upper East Side
+
Chace Crawford
+
A party-hard blonde
+
A pouty brunette
This is definitely something I would never see if I turned on the CW…
well, at least it looks like everyone gets shot in the end.
I had no idea this movie existed until my friend Jackie showed me the trailer, and now I’m pissed.
Well, looks like the winner of WMOAT is just a few months shy of being released.
This, from the guy who gave us Falling Down? Say it ain’t so.
Yes, Joel has finally betrayed us.
Twelvelight
cus the drugs make them sparkle!
I can’t be the only one that noticed that PC is the one that came his pants.
“Sorry”
-PC
There was supposed to be a picture in that. Oh, new videogum, you trickster.
Oh good! I wasn’t. My triumphant return to Videogum has left me with egg on my face! (pun not intended)
Now you have to just put the direct url of the picture without any html. I’ve messed this up sooo many times
I knew it was PC that came in his pants! PC IS ALWAYS COMING IN HIS PANTS.
wait, there are drugs you can do that send you immediately to the set of Gossip Girl? brb monsters, callin’ my dealer.
I’m waiting for the PSA series “This is your rectum, and this is your rectum after Curtis 50 Cent Jackson pounds you out for two hours because you can’t pay for drugs.”
“Chace Crawford is MY Anti-Drug.” -America’s youth
Wait, wasn’t this film called ‘The Wackness’ and wasn’t 50 Cent played by Method Man? I
What’s with them using the score for Up at the end? When did this go from a teen drug movie to a heartwarming tale of an unlikely friendship?
Right when Emily Meade and Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson made good friends.
Twelve is definitely the wrong name for the drug. It should obviously be called “Cokestacy.”
since when are numbers drug names, it should have been called “liquid awesome”
Sooooooooooooooooooooooo FAKE.
What they are talking about seems to be Mephadrone (terrible name but better than Miaow Miaow as the press likes to call it) which is currently available in Europe legally, for the time being. It totes is like a coke/ecstasy mix.
This isn’t a film, its more of that viral marketing which seems so popular with the kids these days.
this is so frustratingly terrible looking! doesn’t GLORIFY drugs AT ALL.
they sure changed a lot in this remake of footloose starring chace crawford.
I was just cringing the whole time, waiting for Keifer Sutherland to gravel-voice my ears with ‘You know you love me…’ at the end there. Ewww.
Just another episode of Gossip Girl guest starring a black celebrity as the only black person Gossip Girl?