When you first met your girlfriend, before she was your girlfriend, she was busy sleeping her way through the Young Money Crew. But if anything, this only attracted you to her more. What a wonderful and mysterious woman with interesting goals and priorities! Oh, she was definitely sleeping with plenty of other hip hop artists who weren’t in the Young Money Crew. Obviously. Of course. The point is, she slept with everyone. Neat! But it wasn’t until she took to YouTube with a series of explosive vlogs in which she gave out rappers phone numbers and threatened to expose everyone in a tell-all book that you guys really started getting serious with each other. The thing is, you are definitely flexible in your relationships and recognize that every lover has different qualities that you like, and different characteristics that you find frustrating, that is just the nature of human compatibility, but there is one thing that you require from every relationship, and that is for your partner to have an aggressive, but also kind of hilarious, plan to destroy the lives of others after having sad groupie sex with them on the floor of a recording studio. Anyone who doesn’t have that, well, that’s a dealbreaker, ladies. Personally, no offense, but your girlfriend has kind of a filthy vocabulary. So, headphones UP? I don’t know, you’re the one who dates her.

Awwww. You love her! You love her so much that you carry a copy of this video in your wallet:

“XOXOXOXOOX, Kat Stacks. Let’s get married!” — you

(Thanks for the tip, aftershock.)

Comments (61)
  1. Say what you will about herVlog, but you can’t deny that she is a GREAT saleswoman.

  2. There is clearly a giant part of the world that I am not only unaware of, but disappointingly not invited to. Kat Stacks, I wish you would share the trumpet with me.

  3. Did not fully realize until now that ass, attached to the end of a word becomes a superlativ-izing (degrading?) suffix, transforming a word into the comparative degree. e.g. “Grown-ass man,” “Bad-ass apartment,” etc. ad absurdum.

  4. y’all in love

  5. I wunder if ke$ha’s gunna be able 2 play at owr weddin.

  6. There seems to be a lot of emphasis on connection between dirty carpets and shitty music — in which case Fred Durst must live in the trash chute from Star Wars.

  7. If you guys are going to continue to make fun of Venezuelan Trinidadian paraplegics, then I’m outta here. Not cool!

  8. Joey Ramone Lives!

  9. Another reason I love her is her ability to make sexy tops out of tinfoil.

  10. “Child services”?

    Oh, no. That’s not my girlfriend. That’s my mom. :(

  11. Our generation’s Copper Cab, amirite?

  12. She has a lovely voice.

  13. I’ve been in love with Cat Stack for two years now. I’m going to propose to her tonight at Per Se!

  14. You call THAT Kat Stacks?
    I’ll show you Kat Stacks!

  15. I never dreamed (had a nightmare) that a women (tranny) as incredible (worst) as my girlfriend even existed (floated through life trying to get pregnant by Lil Wayne).

    • i never had a nightmare that a tranny as worst as my girlfriend even floated through my life trying to get pregnant by lil wayne.

      “floated through my life trying to get pregnant by lil wayne” is my next verb if i should ever play mad libs again.

  16. She reads my fan mail!!!

  17. Any other roommates particularly offended by the second video?

  18. is a kat stack like a fuck shit stack at all?

  19. Captions are not available. :(

  20. Sometimes I wish my girlfriend had eyes, but she already gives so much (rappers’ alleged phone numbers out on YouTube) that I’m ashamed to ask.

  21. I think I would care more about this if I knew who Young Money is/are? I do know who Lil Wayne is, but I do not believe that my girlfriend got fucked up at his place, Lil Wayne doesn’t seem like he would be into that.

  22. Despite their tumultuous mother-fucking history, your mother-fucking roommate Drake approves of the relationship.

  23. What am I supposed to do with all these fake Kat Stacks Twitter accounts now?

  24. I can make your bunk bed rock.

  25. What a fine and dignified lady.

  26. I wasn’t able to watch the first video, but the second was very informative. Things I’ve learned from Kat Stacks:

    1. You can get book deals and movie deals simply by being a megaslut.
    2. You can forgive Lil Bow Wow for threatening you as long as he apologizes.
    3. It’s OK to get kicked out of a club after cursing out a dude you had sex with there, as long as it was because you were drunk on Grey Goose.

  27. She’s been sharing the trumpet.

  28. Yay! Congratulations, Tony! We told you to hang in there and JUST LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.

  29. Wait she spent the whole (second) video saying we were mothafuckas who didn’t know anything & ends it with love y’all.
    God, I just can’t quit her.

  30. She is a really eloquent young lady! I wonder where she went to finishing school?

    Apparently I’m your mom.

  31. wait, no stop. everyone needs to see this, re: kat stacks-


  32. The first video has been taken down?!?! Wuuuut? Oh, right. Because of her yet-to-come book deal. Would NOT want to compromise that situation. But that second video? Ohhh man. I was JUST saying all that to a girlfriend of mine the other night.

  33. “Dr. Teeth has a little mothafuggin’ dick.”

  34. Man i love chicks with grills.

  35. Lil Wayne sucks and I hate him and I hope he dies in prison

  36. There she goes again about the carpets. I told her I would vacuum that shit, but noooooooooo, she just won’t let it go. I even got a motherfuckin Rug Doctor, but an animal cracker must have fallen out the cushions of the peach couch and it started all over again. Do you know how hard it is to keep a carpet clean when you have like 8 roommates and bangin-ass parties erry night? I could say some shit about her carpet bein all dirty with army ants and a family of Boll Weevils but I keep that shit to myself because I am a gentleman. DAMN!

  37. She sounds like Riley from the Boondocks.

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