As you know, because you watched them at your slumber party, the 2010 Kids’ Choice Awards were this past Saturday. It was a wonderful night (probably) full of glamourous celebrities (hi, George Lopez!) and exciting drama (Katy Perry, u got slimed). But the most important aspect, of course, was the awarding of the famous Moonman, or whatever they give away at this thing. The golden Slinky? (Because you know how much kids in 2010 love Slinkies. WiFi-enabled Hannah Montana Slinkies.) Who went home with the “Favorite Voice from an Animated Film” award? And even more importantly, who won the coveted “Cutest Couple” award?! What a magical night!
But what did America’s elderly think? After the jump, a full list of this year’s Kids’ Choice Awards winners, with reactions from old people who are so old:
Cutest Couple: Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart
I’m cold. Is anyone else cold? I should have worn a sweater. God damn it.
Favorite TV Show: iCarly
Sometimes I still wake up at night drenched in sweat. Because of the war.
Favorite TV Actor: Dylan Sprouse
The Jews have made a deal with the aliens and Barack Obama is a Transformers.
Favorite TV Actress: Selena Gomez
WHO IS THAT? SPEAK UP!
Favorite Music Group: Black Eyed Peas
Black Eyed What? Oh leave me alone. I wish it had been you in that boat, instead of your brother.
Favorite Female Singer: Taylor Swift
I was robbed!
Favorite Male Singer: Jay-Z
A black singer? Honey, did you hear that? A black singer! Well, I’ll be. Times change, I guess.
Favorite Song: “You Belong With Me,” by Taylor Swift
A girl that age doesn’t belong with anyone if she knows what is decent.
Favorite Movie: Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
Things sure have changed since I won the “Best Hurdy Gurdy Player” Moonman at the KCAs in 1802.
Favorite Movie Actor: Taylor Lautner
Speaking of Taylor Lautner, I miss my Bob.
Favorite Movie Actress: Miley Cyrus
You can’t just hang around here. And turn that music off. I’m going to call the police.
Favorite Cartoon: Sponge Bob Square Pants
Sponge Bob Square Pants is still the best cartoon? In 2004? WAIT, IT’S 2000 AND WHAT?!
Favorite Reality Show: American Idol
We like to joke that we should be on the Antiques Road Show as items to be appraised. You have to keep your spirits up in this world.
Favorite Female Athlete: Misty May Treanor
I just had the right knee replaced, but now the left knee is starting to go. And I have it better than most.
Favorite Male Athlete: Ryan Sheckler
Get him out on the Shuffleboard Pitch and we’ll see what kind of man he is.
Favorite Book: Diary of a Wimpy Kid
You know what book I loved as a kid? Br’er Rabbit.
Favorite Animated Movie: Up
Animation has the devil’s fingerprints all over it.
Favorite Voice from an Animated Movie: Jim Carrey, A Christmas Carol
My grandson showed me how to do this when he came to visit last year. It means “Danny Rules!”
Favorite Video Game: Mario Kart
That’s nice, dear.