You know, cool dudes who think that being in touch with their emotions is actually awesome and young women who tell everyone they aren’t sure if they could bring a child into this world but will probably end up doing so eventually anyway and that’s great, I think we can all agree that celebrity culture has gotten out of hand. It’s wack! It’s a wack attack! How are young people like you supposed to discover what makes you a special snowflake, when you’re being bombarded 25/9 with celebrity culture reminding you that you’re not a beautiful enough or famous enough of a snowflake, or that you don’t have the cool kind of smartphone. Motorola ROKR! It can be hard to iTunes that stuff out, but you should try, dawgs.
Of course, on the other hand, since we are bombarded with it 26/5, sometimes it is cool to see how celebrities are just like you and me. They get sick and die, too! And sometimes they get mad at each other, just like your mom and dad who don’t understand ANYTHING. And sometimes, although we almost never get to see this, they spend way too much time trying to make themselves look good, because they too suffer from the quiet despair of a solitary, meaningless existence. What I’m trying to say is check out this video of Justin Bieber blow drying his hair, homies!
Guys, if you’ll let me rap at your parents for just one sec (I’m sorry, I promise I’m not NARCING you out): this is seriously a piece of art. You know what else is a piece of art? #bieberbloopers, and I don’t understand why that was never a trending topic.
Hey kids, don’t worry, I was just telling your parents to get off your back. And while I was at it, I called up your teachers and said, NO MORE HOMEWORK, DUDE. Now hit me up on my pager and let me know how to make a trending topic! (Thanks for the tip, Liz.)