This clip from Anderson Cooper Is Mr. 360 in which an optometrist buggggs the ffffff ooouuuut is a couple weeks old, but I never saw it before (no myopo) and it doesn’t matter how old it is because it was an instant classic the day it was born.

Hahahahaha. This guy seriously should have rested his case. Obviously, when you are being accused of fraud, there is no better way to prove that you are an innocent, respectable, and, most importantly, VERY SANE business man than beating up an old man in front of a camera crew, leaving voicemails about witnessing the power of God, and screaming “STOP LOOKING AT MY STORE” while throwing snowballs in everyone’s face. It’s an air tight legal strategy, which is why you see it in most episodes of Law & Order (watch yourself, McCoy!). But as everyone knows, it doesn’t count in a court of law until you say “Your honor, I rest my case,” which is where this guy got into trouble. Total loophole. SUSTAINED! (Via Joe Mande.)

Comments (48)
  1. Clearly, not everything was honkey dorey.

  2. I’ll take that advice into cooperation, alright? Now what say you and I go toe-to-toe on bird-law and see how comes out the victor?

  3. These are all characters from a Christopher Guest movie, right? There is simply no way any of these people are actual, real-life human beings.

  4. man it is so rare nowadays to watch a video that just gets better and better and better.

  5. To be absolutely fair, that is a really sharp suit.

  6. Even the optometry field has a seedy underbelly!

  7. WTF is Brooks Hatlin doing picking fights with people?? He just got outta jail. And where’s his pet crow, Jake?

  8. Proud of the septuagenarian putting the ol dukes up. The greatest generation isn’t scared of a little fisticuffs.

  9. YIKES. Shit like this makes me sad.
    I know we need crazy people to contrast with normal people so we may gauge our own sanity, but… YIKES.

    He checked an old man with a door.
    In the face.

    What a dick.

  10. He’s not worth it man! Just walk away. Be the bigger man.

  11. When reached for comment, David Caruso said, “Looks like your sister’s Canadian boyfriend (puts on glasses) just filled out a prescription for trouble.”

  12. not to get too serious, especially with my first post, but there’s a difference between an optician (which the report states this guy is) and an optometrist.

  13. mydaughter'sname69  |   Posted on Mar 12th, 2010 +8
  14. “No myopo”

    Gabe, that phrase has solidified my love for you and this website.

  15. C’mon. this is obviously fake. If this supposed situation actually occurred in Canada, there would be no “cops,” there would be Mounties. They would have been dressed in their terrible red jackets with their terrible hats and the “SWAT” team would have consisted of a guy with a hockey mask and guy with a log trying to break down the door.

  16. In his defense, the first words out of his mouth were “I’m sorry.”

  17. y’all, i got totally distracted by the ticker crawly news lede thing on the bottom. mike huckabee gives me the heebies. that is all.

  18. This guy NEEDS to be at the 11th annual Gathering of the Juggalos.

    “Optometrists up in this bitch!”

  19. Which qualifies as the weapon for the assault charges, the doormat or the snowballs? I can’t decide which would be funnier.

  20. This man is clearly, literally violently ill. I mean… if he’s not, no one is.

    • Yeah. Very little in that video qualified as funny. It just felt horrible seeing him beat up on an elderly reporter who in turn had to put his dukes up. C’mon!

  21. Oh man, I love Silverman Helps!
    Also, lol is that guy throwing snow at a transit operator? This bus goes right to the jail!

  22. I think that the last time I got this much joy out of watching an internet video was that one with the rapping British thugs who rollerskated away at the end. The world is a magical place, truly.

  23. I hope he gets one of the many disbarrable attorneys who will take their $1,500 fee up front and then never return his calls.

  24. This is hilarious. I’m speechless.

    Who the hell hits an old man that runs back inside and locks the door? Like that?! Here’s a snowball!

    STOP LOOKING AT MY STORE!!! *snowball at the camera*

  25. love that “rough encounter” graphic with the fist punching up through a sea of floating eye chart letters

  26. Nice, I remember seeing this on the news in Toronto… when it happened… like three years ago.–silverman-helps-the-story-behind-the-attack

    Still, hilarious

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