YO, WASSSUP, I’M TYPING THIS AS FAST AS I CAN BECAUSE MY HEAD IS ABOUT TO FALL OUT AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT MY DYING WORDS ARE TRUE AND SINCERE, BECAUSE EDWARD WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THAT WAY. HE HAS A REAL LOVE OF POETRY (PROBABLY?). ANYWAY, I’M NOT GOING TO WASTE YOUR TIME TODAY TALKING ABOUT WHAT IT’S GOING TO BE LIKE WHEN YOU ARE THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF BARQ’S ROOT BEER. IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT WE SHARE AS TEENAGERS AND AS A 57-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO JUST REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT TEENAGERS ARE GOING THROUGH, IT’S THAT THIS WHOLE THING RELIES ON MUTUAL RESPECT AND NOT BEING A PHONY POSEUR LIKE YOU SEE AT THE SKATEPARKS. WE ALL KNOW WHY WE ARE HERE, AND SO ENOUGH TALKING ALREADY. SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE THAT’S ALL ADULTS EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO. ADULTS SUCK! (NO VAMPIRO!)
AFTER THE JUMP, I HAVE POSTED THE FULL LENGTH TRAILER FOR TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE. YOU PROBABLY WANT TO WATCH THIS WITH A LOVED ONE, PREFERABLY SOMEONE WITH A DRIVER’S LICENSE WHO CAN RUSH YOU IMMEDIATELY TO THE HOSPITAL. “DOCTOR, MY CHILD IS HAVING CONVULSIONS OF ABSOLUTE PLEASURE.” “I’M SORRY, MA’AM, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE AMPUTATE…YOUR CHILD’S HEART!” OMGGGGGGGGG.
Haha. “Edward, she found us.” Really? I wonder how she found you. Oh wait, are you still both living in the same small town in the same houses you used to live in? No, just curious, I’m sure that’s not how she found you. She is so tricky! Also, um, I know that Jacob was supposedly being heroic, or whatever, but “I will fight for you until your heart stops beating” is the creepiest.
JUST KIDDING YOU GUYS, THAT WAS ME DOING AN IMPERSONATION OF AN ADULT WHO DIDN’T GET IT. AS IF THERE’S ANOTHER KIND OF ADULT! AREN’T ADULTS THE WORST? IT’S GOING TO BE SO AWESOME WHEN THEY’RE ALL DEAD AND WE ARE IN CHARGE. OH MY GUHD I LUV THIS MOVIEEEEEEEEEEEEE. MARRY ME, EDWARD AND/OR JACOB I REALLY DON’T CARE AT THIS POINT!