lohan_baby

Lindsay Lohan is suing the E-Trade baby, you guys. We live in a fantastical 3D world where almost anything can happen! From the New York Post:

Lindsay Lohan is suing the financial company E-Trade, insisting that a boyfriend-stealing, “milkaholic” baby in its latest commercial — who happens to be named Lindsay — was modeled after her. And she wants $100 million for her pain and suffering, The Post has learned.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.

DOUBLE HAAAAAAAAAAA.

“Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,” Ovadia said.

“They used the name Lindsay,” Ovadia said. “They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”

OK, well she has a point there. Sustained! I haven’t been able to have a normal human conversation with another adult since the Super Bowl without eventually talking and then being unable to stop talking about the E-Trade baby commercials. It doesn’t matter where I am or who I am with. I could be in line at the bank (where I often am, normal place to be) or talking on the phone with my mom, or on a romantic wine date, and BOOM: “Enough small talk, what do you think of the latest round of E-Trade baby commercials that everyone is talking about?” Classic conversation that happens constantly. Followed by, “That baby is Lindsay Lohan, or as I call her, Lindsay. Everyone is talking about it.” And then, “Uh, I know. Jeez.”

Now look.

I understand that being a celebrity can lead one down a dark and dangerous path of sociopathic self-obsession. It’s not surprising that Lindsay Lohan would see herself in a television commercial featuring a CGI baby talking about an on-line stock trading services company. “Hey, wait a second, I’m an alcoholic, I shit my pants, and my name is Lindsay.” The human mind is designed to find patterns in nature, and the broken human mind is designed to find self-absorbed patterns in Super Bowl commercials. But she actually undermines her own lawsuit by asking for 100 million dollars. Girl, we know you broke! And we know that your full-blown addiction to milk doesn’t allow you to feel any pain or suffering. This part is also great:

Ovadia wants an injunction to force the spot off the air, and the Lindsay camp wants every last copy of the commercial.

She says Lohan is owed $50 million in exemplary damages, plus another $50 million in compensatory damages.

Every last copy of the commercial! What do they think this is, Lyndon Johnson’s yearbook? (When Lyndon Johnson became president, he had every copy of his high school yearbook either destroyed or his photo removed so as to erase any remnant of a past he found embarrassing. Total baller.) Good luck, clowns! You will have better luck all fitting into that one tiny car!

Anyway, here is the actual commercial. Get it before they are all gone:

Sure, Lindsay Lohan. This guy definitely knows what you are talking about:


“I WILL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!”

Comments (56)
  1. No way does that baby resemble Lindsay Lohan, that baby has been in something relevant in the last 5 years.


  2. Not original, but still appropriate

  3. that baby also dj’s halfheartedly.

  4. C’mon guys, milkaholism runs in my family, it is no laughing matter!

  5. “Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna. ” Why is this guy reaching so low? If I were her lawyer, I would have gone with Gandhi or Jesus and tried for 500 mil.

  6. Wait–Lindsay Lohan hasn’t died in a cocaine-snorting, crotch-flashing related fire? Huh. Who knew?

  7. Whatevs. I just sued Google for 200 million for their Superbowl commercial because one time I googled “Churches in Paris” but I was single at the time and they are OBVIOUSLY mocking my inability to find love in this awful, awful world.

  8. Lindsay you are a hero to everyone for you fight to put an injunction on the E-Trade baby commercials.

  9. MILKAWHAAAAAA?

  10. We all know this isn’t just because off the commercial… “Adult” Lindsay must’ve seen Baby Lindsay making out with Wilmer Valderrama in the club that night, too.

  11. Yes, almost anything can happen, but must it?

  12. This is the new best reason to follow @lindsaylohan on Twitter.

  13. thats enough, Lindsay.

  14. I Know Who Burped Me.

  15. When Lindsay ultimately wins this completely legitimate lawsuit, how will I return my internet to her since I have now down-purchased (that’s a real term, right Lindsay’s lawyer) a copy to my desktop? Is there a special box that I put it in?

  16. She should really be suing her lawyer, because from now on I WILL see that baby as Lindsay Lohan.

  17. When I saw that commercial I assumed it was referencing Lindsey Buckingham and thought “Why the hell doesn’t Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac, and the only person anyone knows as just ‘Lindsey’, sue that damn baby”.

  18. I Know Who Sued Me
    Herbie Fully Loaded on Milk

    Party games!

  19. I can sympathize with his because when Michael Jackson died I got a ton of phone calls asking if I was okay. I wanted to sue the shit out of baby after I saw how many minutes I had used.

  20. I’m a Milkaholic. I especially love the part where James Franco and Sean Penn kiss.

  21. Good job, Lindsey. Good job, women.
    You should’ve been paid more money than that.
    Good job, women. Terrific job, Lindsey.
    Your history is now HERstory (see what I did there?)

  22. Ex-Videogum Lindsey should get in on this! We could all testify on her behalf.

  23. Baby’s got a pretty strong grounds for a counter-suit.

  24. I think it is a really good idea, for your image, to openly and publicly associate yourself with alcoholic babies. If you can go to America and be like, hey, clearly whenever anyone is talking about a drug-addled infant they are talking about ME- I mean, what could be a better move to dig your career out of a giant pile of mistake?

  25. I think we can all agree on one thing, and that is that Lindsay Lohan is indeed a baby.

    case sustained

  26. Until hearing this I didn’t relate that commercial to Lindsay Lohan. But my name is also Lindsay and I probably assumed it was about me. I’m suing. um, I’m suing Lindsay Lohan? Who do I sue here?

  27. Has she been relevant since the Parent Trap remake?

  28. So whenever Celebrity Rehab airs on TV, Lindsay Lohan gets a royalty check?

  29. “Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.”

    My step sister’s name is Lindsay. If LiLo wants to sue her for having the same name (just about as ridiculous as suing E-Trade,) I have no problem with that. Bitch sucks.

  30. And now I hear she’s on crack.

  31. Also, Lindsay should thinking about suing Above The Influence for using her name in this commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nxuk4kRCAjI

  32. I love the logic that E-Trade is making money off of HER, like people weren’t going to trade stock with them unless they named the fucking baby in their commercial Lindsay. What?!

  33. This is just as stupid as Spike Lee trying to sue Spike TV because they were OBVIOUSLY trying to use his name without his permission. Actually, it’s stupider. Much, much stupider. Lindsay is such a common name. The only reason she is sometimes referred to by her first name only is because when the assholes at TMZ are like, “Uh oh! Our insiders tell us that Lindsay may be facing ANOTHER drunk driving charge, this time while apperantly making out with a baby!” everyone already knows which Lindsay they’re talking about. It’s not the same thing as Oprah or Madonna, who are the only famous celebrities with those names. Sorry for rambling about what is obvious to everyone else here. I’m just blown away by how dumb this is. No lawyer could think they would actually win a case like this. In fact I honestly believe that this is just a calculated move to get people talking about Lindsay Lohan again. If that’s the case, her PR team (which I believe is made up of her mom, a toaster and a dead goat that is wearing a bud lite t-shirt) must belong to the school of “any publicity is good publicity.” It’s not. Bad publicity is called that for a reason. No casting director is going to be all like, “Wow, Lindsay Lohan is being a piece of shit again. I think I will cast her in this movie despite all the negativity surrounding her in the press right now.” If the people working for Lindsay Lohan knew what they were doing they would let people forget about her so she could have a fresh start one day. Maybe then she could get back to making beautiful films like Herbie: Fully Loaded and Georgia Rule.

    PS. That was a joke there at the end. If you enjoyed either of those movies, you’re an asshole. You should be ashamed. Asshole.

  34. Both the names “Lindsey” and “Lindsay” are in the top 300 names in America and have been for the past 70 years. the names “Oprah” and “Madonna” do not rank anywhere in the top 1000 names in America.

    I rest my case your honor.

  35. I had a dream last night that Lindsey Lohan was my sort-of friend and she took me to a fancy club then dumped me to go get drunk with a random guy she just met, so then I went to a Videogum pool party instead, and a person dressed like Donald Duck did a cannonball into the pool from the top of a building. The unconscious mind is a wondrous thing.

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