The revolution will not be Pogs!

Yo, cool dudes who are seriously thinking about backpacking through Eastern Europe the summer after they graduate from high school but are trying to balance self-discovery against the equally valuable pursuit of having fun with their friends, and cool girls who are not planning on becoming strippers themselves but are starting to uncomfortably make the argument at awkward family dinners that stripping is actually an act of female empowerment and feminist self-actualization, today I want to rap at you about rebellion. iPhones! Obviously, you have the street sign on your door that says “No Parents Allowed” for a reason: because parents just don’t understand. Right, dawgs? Parents are so pitted. Just so pitted. Sometimes it makes us want to scream and explode! Doesn’t it? Sobe.

Well u r not alone, u guyz. There’s actually a long and rich history of teenage rebellion. “Aw, man, reality bites! History is for nerds, homie,” you’re probably saying. No way, broseph, history is the dope bomb! It’s so Cool Ranch. History is a watermelon Jolly Rancher. Besides, history can be fun! Take for example the upcoming documentary, The Runaways, about how Kristen Stewart (lurv hur!) and Dakota Fanning built a time machine to go back and KILL HITLER to the ’70s and start a punk band. Awesome, I love punk. Don’t you guys love punk? I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve loved punk since Avril Lavigne invented it, so a pretty long time, for real.

Anyway, you dawgs probably didn’t even know Dakota Fanning could sing, but that’s the whole thing about punk, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SING. Being able to sing is for parents and teachers, man. Here she is not singing a song called “Cherry Bomb” that was originally written by Mary Todd Lincoln.

You might think that the true spirit of punk would be to create your own adolescent rebellion rather than relishing the uprisings of the past in some kind of ouroboros of recycled disenfranchisement, but at least this way we get extra time to play Batman: Arkham Asylum on the XBOX 360. And that’s fresh. (Via MusicIsTheHeartOfOurSoul.)

Comments (61)
  1. I’m kind of shocked at how badly this song sound. Her pronunciation of school, fool, and home are awful and not to mention they apparently mixed the original track with this awful cover. I don’t know what I was expecting, actually.

  2. I hate to disagree with you, but punk was clearly invented by Good Charlotte.

  3. Dakota Fanning’s new song is a totaly party jam top 2 bottom.

  4. I am Sam+Twilight=Punk Rock?
    .
    That sounds as dumb as making a civil war drama starring Zac Effron and Haley Joel Osment featuring a soundtrack by Justin Beiber.
    .
    Actually that second one sounds like more ironic fun than Birddemic, so Hollywood, make it so.

  5. The Runaways…have the most chance of any group I’ve ever seen…to tear this world apart.

  6. I don’t listen to these old people’s music, except one time I heard this Mariah Carey song called Always Be My Baby and I danced to it, but if my friends ask dancing is for losers

  7. You guys know that Cherie Currie couldn’t sing either, right?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMDn6V7ZLhE

    • Yea…. I think she sounds pretty spot on. I like the Runaways and I’m very ok with this, which, of course, is not a funny opinion, but WHY WON’T YOU LET DAKOTA BE GREAT???!?!?!!11!?!1!?!1!?!!!?!1

      • THANK YOU, Becca! This movie may well end up being stupid, but I think it’s a great subject for a biopic. Their story is really juicy.

        • i tried to comment earlier and vgum shut dowwwn. anyway. i totally agree. i listened back to back and was like “that is what she sounds like. what is the problem here?”

        • Out of loyalty to Joan Jett, I will probably see this movie in a theater, just like a real movie. But — not to go all stereogum — the mixing here is kind of tinny. Cherry Bomb would not have torn the world apart with so much emphasis on vocals over guitars. There, I said what we all are thinking.

  8. When she sings “Hello world I’m your wild girl” it sounds like a text to speech recognition program.

  9. I’ll bet this song is blasting over the speakers at Hot Topic’s corporate headquarters today.

    And the Vice President of North American Skull T-shirts and Skateboard Stickers is totally mouthing all the words.

  10. Also, I know Cherie was the same age as Dakota at the time of the Runaways but I feel so much more uncomfortable watching Dakota with no pants on.

  11. I made it 13 seconds in. I can’t waste time on this garbage because I am an adult with work to do.

  12. I totes hope dis song wil be on da nxt kidz bob!!!!<3<3<3<3<3

  13. FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT

  14. [IMG]http://i45.tinypic.com/2n81ks2.jpg[/IMG]

    • by “to the T” do you mean “to the old T that no one uses anymore because it doesn’t work”?
      (just the link. link only. thank you.)

  15. Oh, boo! I followed Wertrew’s directions to the T! T! Trying again.

  16. Bartender! A round of Emmy’s for Dakota Fanning.

  17. Who asked for this movie by the way? Is there a quasi-female-punk revival going on and I’m missing it? I MISSED THE BOAT AGAIN!? Probably not.

  18. Is it just me or is it difficult to see a child star grow up? Kind of like Haley Joel Osment in Secondhand Lions.

  19. That outfit is NOT APPROPRIATE, Dakota. Put some clothes on, young lady.

  20. you guys. teen korner let’s go to the movies? huh huh?! Let’s gooooooooo!

  21. You guys should hear the B-side. This track is way too commercial.

  22. hello daddy, hello mom.. this movie is going to b b b b bomb.

  23. I thought that the late nights, excessive wealth flaunting, club hopping, boy/girl friend trading, coke snorting, exotic traveling, pill popping, crotch flashing, media-dissing, paparazzi loving thing was this hollywood generation’s creation of their own rebellion. I mean, nothing like that has ev — oh, I see what you’ve done there.

  24. We really are grasping at snark-straws here, Gabe. Avril jokes? Let me just say that Joan Jett was involved with this film, and she is more punk rock than anyone using this website can or will ever be (myself primarily), and so by way of association is anyone else involved with it. Dakota Fanning is more punk rock than you, Monsters.

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