The revolution will not be Pogs!
Yo, cool dudes who are seriously thinking about backpacking through Eastern Europe the summer after they graduate from high school but are trying to balance self-discovery against the equally valuable pursuit of having fun with their friends, and cool girls who are not planning on becoming strippers themselves but are starting to uncomfortably make the argument at awkward family dinners that stripping is actually an act of female empowerment and feminist self-actualization, today I want to rap at you about rebellion. iPhones! Obviously, you have the street sign on your door that says “No Parents Allowed” for a reason: because parents just don’t understand. Right, dawgs? Parents are so pitted. Just so pitted. Sometimes it makes us want to scream and explode! Doesn’t it? Sobe.
Well u r not alone, u guyz. There’s actually a long and rich history of teenage rebellion. “Aw, man, reality bites! History is for nerds, homie,” you’re probably saying. No way, broseph, history is the dope bomb! It’s so Cool Ranch. History is a watermelon Jolly Rancher. Besides, history can be fun! Take for example the upcoming documentary, The Runaways, about how Kristen Stewart (lurv hur!) and Dakota Fanning built a time machine to go back
and KILL HITLER to the ’70s and start a punk band. Awesome, I love punk. Don’t you guys love punk? I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve loved punk since Avril Lavigne invented it, so a pretty long time, for real.
Anyway, you dawgs probably didn’t even know Dakota Fanning could sing, but that’s the whole thing about punk, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SING. Being able to sing is for parents and teachers, man. Here she is not singing a song called “Cherry Bomb” that was originally written by Mary Todd Lincoln.
You might think that the true spirit of punk would be to create your own adolescent rebellion rather than relishing the uprisings of the past in some kind of ouroboros of recycled disenfranchisement, but at least this way we get extra time to play Batman: Arkham Asylum on the XBOX 360. And that’s fresh. (Via MusicIsTheHeartOfOurSoul.)