It has become very clear over the course of the past year that if you want to make it in showbusiness, you need to let the actor in you take over, and by that I mean that you need to pee your pants. It’s like they always say, pee for the stars and you might just pee on the moon. It worked for Hugh Jackman (that’s how he landed the role of Dr. Wolverines) and it worked for Oprah (hi, Oprah!). Now we can add Whoopi Goldberg to that list, BIG TIME. It was reported a few months ago that she had signed on as the spokesperson for Poise, a feminine napkin for aiding female bladder control, which it turns out is a serious problem, which I first learned about a few months ago when it was reported that Whoopi Goldberg had signed on to be the spokesperson. And now, in an effort to get the word out there, Whoopi Goldberg has made 8 ads in which she talks about peeing her pants. No joke. Tell them.

I cannot stress to you guys how special this is. Things like this are rare, and we need to enjoy them when we can. This is what it’s all about. This is why we are all here. After the jump, eight ads in which Whoopi Goldberg talks about peeing her pants.

To Whoopi’s credit, she really commits. She knows that the responsibility for convincing you that Cleopatra had trouble controlling her bladder rests in the actor’s hands. That’s the best part about these: they’re simultaneously de-stigmatizing the apparently very common problem of female bladder control, and providing an important historical lesson on famous women who peed their pants throughout the ages. The more you know! (Via Vulture.)

Comments (48)
  1. I’ll resist making a terrible, terrible pun and just say that The Marriage Ref is slightly off the hook.

    • Tom Papa: So the issue is that Whoopi’s career wants to shoot itself in the face, but Whoopi wants one last hurrah (women be shoppin)!

      Next week on The Marriage Barf.

  2. Somebody get this woman another Oscar.

    • I’d make a joke about how she could keep it in her bathroom but apparently she doesn’t even use a bathroom, just her pants.

    • Do they even make Oscars that big?

      • SERIOUSLY! this is the best Whoopi has been in a long time! Exclamation mark! I almost forgot that she was a funny, beautiful, talented lady.

        Ex: her Sally Struther’s Gloria-voiced Eve was to die for! Her Marilyn voiced Helen of Troy! If talking about pee is what gets her to break out her mad skills than “pfffft” away!

  3. “Everytime I sneeze (fart noise), a little spritza. Like in a ketchup bottle (fart noise).”

    GROSS! Whoopi Goldberg farts blood out of her pee-hole!

  4. If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

  5. Ad exec #1: OMG you guys, you’ll never guess who I got as the spokesperson for Poise!
    Exec #2: No clue!
    #1: Two words: Whoopi. Goldberg.
    #2: Are you for serious? She’s perfect! Middle-aged women relate to her so completely!
    #1: Exactly. Now here’s what I’m thinking for the campaign: dress up Whoopi as different icons of femininity pissing themselves.
    #2: You are a genius.
    #1: Aren’t I? The Mona Lisa pissing herself. Joan of Arc totally pissing herself. The Statue of Liberty PISSING HERSELF.
    #2: Every lady who pisses herself wants to feel like she can relate to both Whoopi Goldberg and Joan of Arc when they piss themselves. Here is a $10k bonus. You’ve earned it!

  6. Whoopsies!

  7. “Now I’m wet because of you”.
    No need to watch the other 7 ads. That “TWSS” is PURE GOLD!

  8. Wow, they could have really worked that princess and the pea angle.

  9. You know what? Screw it. “Riddle me this: what’s a napkin that goes in your lap but with which you do not wipe your mouth.”

  10. I can’t look at Whoopi the same way ever again. And aparently no one can ever touch her, talk to her, or look at her without her pissing herself.

  11. Good thing her boyfriend didn’t make a cameo in YELLOW face.

  12. Jesus, as voluminous as a Kevin Smith youtube rant!

  13. The Princess and the Pea. I get it!

  14. Somewhere in the world, Hugh Jackman is watching these advertisements, and is completely devastated that they only make these for women.

  15. This is fair to Joan of Arc

  16. I wonder if God told Joan of Arc that one day her plight would be used as an allegory for pissing yourself.

  17. We’re gonna need a bigger feminine napkin for aiding female bladder control.

  18. whoopeepee!

  19. *leans in*
    Hey, you know who’s a great lady?

    Whoopi Goldberg.

  20. I’m really happy that someone FINALLY drew some eyebrows on her in a few of those.

  21. I never knew Whoopi was the queen of both sass AND accents!

  22. Well, I can never use the word “spritzer” again. At least not without thinking about Whoopi Goldberg in female drag talking about bladder control. So basically, never again.

  23. Apologies to one in three women, but I would like to return to a time when this issue was a deep, dark, closely-guarded secret.

  24. Did everyone here really get through all of these? I just finished the second and I’m literally feeling sick. And to be honest, its less the pee and more the terrible accents + pee combo.

    • Okay here’s where you’re wrong (because what is funny and what is not is unimpeachable scientific fact and not at all related to personal taste):

      Pee: Rarely not funny.
      Intentionally Terrible Accents or Funny Voices in Genreal: Almost never not funny.
      Pissing Oneself: Always absolutely hilarious.
      Someone talking in a terrible accent about pissing herself: I’ll let you do the math.

      You could have Jay Leno saying “I pissed myself” in a terrible accent for twenty minutes and I wouldn’t stop laughing.

    • Uhhh. These commercials were designed specifically so that you would NEED Poise by the time the ad was over. So much lizzing over here!

  25. I’m still waiting for Jamie Lee Curtis to tell me what to do when I eat too much Activia, and suddenly, a little SPLORTZA.

  26. Not to get so factualgum, BUT as I learned in my patho class:
    As women get older and go through menopause, the vaginal wall begins to atrophy as estrogen levels drop, making the bladder lay flat, so when a lady laughs, or does sit-ups, or lifts weights, that force pushes down on the bladder making her pee herself a little bit.
    But don’t worry, men have engorged prostates as they get older that pinch the urinary tubules so he can’t ever completely empty out his bladder, just skimming some off the top.
    Basically, everybody loses.

    I’ll show myself out now.

  27. I really don’t understand why Eve is so concerned about “fffffvt”ing her no pants.

  28. Whoopi Goldberg is a national treasure.

  29. i would like to point out an example of how the videogum community has blossomed:

    the linked article from Nov. 13, 2008 about Hugh Jackman PEEING IN HIS PANTS has 6 comments.
    the first comment begins:

    “beauty and the beast was good on broadway!”

    i can only imagine if that story had been broken today on videogum. the collective lolz would have destroyed the internet. thanks, monsters!

  30. I’m concerned that Lady Godiva’s solution to her spritzing problem is basically to pee on her horse.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.