Joe Gets Rid Of His Batwings

[Ed. note: Joe Mande, stand-up comedian and the creator of the popular blog Look At This Fucking Hipster(soon to be a popular book!) is forced to do things that we don't want to do, for our education and amusement. If you have a challenge/suggestion, submit it to]

Hey, monsters! Check out the new Videogum digs. Gray and purple? Wawaweewa! Iiii liiiike! (No joke, those are my two favorite colors.) Okay, so some of you may have noticed that I missed my deadline for last week’s T14TT article. I am very, very sorry about that. But I have a good excuse! I put my T14TT where my mouth is and saved the life of a fucking shelter dog. And despite all her snoring and farts, she’s really great. I named her “Blanche,” which was hilarious at first, but has become more and more embarrassing each time I yell it in front of other people at the dog run. But enough with all the dog talk, you guys. Let’s get down to business.

My T14TT assignment for this week was to dance along to Gwyneth Paltrow’s arm flab workout video. And let me tell you, I was not happy about it. The blogosphere catches a glimpse of my dancing prowess a few weeks ago, and now all anyone wants to see is more of me dancing. Well, sorry. I’m not doing it! I happen to think I bring a lot more to the table than a bunch of sick moves and impeccable timing. I’m not some brainless clown here to amuse you. I went to college. I’m reading an 800-page book of Paul Bowles stories…for fun!

Anyway, here’s a video of me explaining my refusal to dance to a Gwyneth Paltrow workout video. (Watch closely and you may notice a subtle homage to my favorite G.P. film.)

Sorry if that was confusing. I meant to have two different haircuts and a hideous British accent.

Comments (45)
  1. Where’s the patented Videogum At-Work Laugh-Muffler when you need it?

  2. That was more like Taking Two for the Team!

  3. yay for html tags!

  4. Did you feel the burn?

  5. Great video – but where did you dredge that mid-90s British one-hit wonder from?

  6. TV-watching Joe fell down the stairs after tripping on his MASSIVE BATWINGS.

  7. Well, since goop is blocked at work, I’m exercising to this now during lunch. My arms are burning–thank, Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Needs more of “The Pallbearer.”

  9. I’d love to see Joe do a shot-for-shot remake of Kirsten Dunst’s “Turning Japanese”.

  10. Gabe – I understand that you are very busy what with moving back into your apartment after the Design On a Dime team finished the remodel (just barely), but I just wanted to let you that my day felt that much emptier yesterday when I finally resigned myself to the fact that there was not going to be a WMOAT entry.
    And now I feel empty AND disoriented.
    If I had ever been able to successfully post animated gifs, I sure I would be feeling the phantom pains of a Lawnmower Man amputee on top of it all. I can now only hope that once I hit “Submit” my avatar hasn’t disappear as well. Otherwise, it will take gallons of ice cream to fill the void in my heart.

  11. That’s an adorable dog! I mean as of this minute the html isn’t right, but, beside the point, which is, ADORABLE DOG!

  12. That’s so weird — I just started reading The Sheltering Sky.

  13. Oh the torture we monsters put Mande through….painting yourself blue is nothing compared to this.

  14. That movie had such a surprise ending! I was like “no that did not just happen!!”

    It shouldn’t have been surprised me though because Gwyneth picks only reflective and interesting scripts.

  15. So, how are your arms today, Joe?

  16. Ah, Sliding Doors, when oh when are you going to be WMOAT’ed?

  17. I don’t see WHAT that had to do with Se7en.

  18. I’m really glad Samsung Mobile is here to present the new Videogum. It feels more official and let’s be honest, VG deserves the fanfare and red carpet Samsung has rolled out.

  19. That is pretty much exactly what I look like when I try to play wii tennis

  20. Don’t be so modest, Joe. I was at your show at comix and you are a great dancer! The floor was just too dusty. Seriously though, you absolutely killed it that night.

  21. Haha, love the “Sliding Doors” tag!

    • Totally unrelated, but I really want your avatar to say “boobs” in numbers (or perhaps the other classic: “boobless”). Yea for sixth grade calculator fun!

  22. Yes, my arms were definitely burning afterward. From shame, mostly. Also, Sheltering Sky is great. It’s right there on that bookshelf (next to Tommy Lee’s autobiography, “Tommyland”).

  23. My new job at an unnamed energy company has blocked videogum. I did not know this when I took the job. But if I eventually get promoted high enough, I’m going to have IT unblock it just for me. And give me a mat for the office to dance along to Gwenyth’s workout video.

  24. The video isn’t working. I’d like to watch it :( . It seems that it is I who is truly taking one for the team. By missing out on this right now. It’s ok, I can handle it.

  25. congratulations on your new dog, pit bulls are the best! from one pit bull owner/lover to another, thanks for saving another beautiful dog.

  26. I can’t believe I have the same blue hoodie as Joe Mande!

  27. It’s really hard for me to imagine Joe without a blue face.

  28. That is a really beautiful Pit you’ve got there. And kudos for rescuing a Pit, they hardly even get that chance where I live.

  29. This is amazing, but pics of dog please!!!!

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