I feel like we, as a society, have lost an understanding for what NSFW actually means. Now, there is definitely NSFW language, which would be embarrassing to be heard blaring from your computer speakers during an important meeting with NCT about all those big deals and the one million dollars you have in revenues and sales. That is where the expression “headphones UP” comes from, to deal with exactly these situations. But a lot of people assume that NSFW means porno, and it doesn’t mean porno, or at least it shouldn’t. Look, we all live in an Internet Society now. The world is basically Stomp but for porno instead of corny percussion. It is all around us! It’s almost weird if you DON’T have a little bush flash on your screen every once in awhile. “Hey, Tom, I’ve noticed you haven’t accidentally opened any inappropriate websites and then frantically tried to close them before anyone notices in awhile. You should probably check your Internet Settings and make sure they are working.”

No, what is actually NSFW is not porno, which is ubiquitous and unavoidable. What is NSFW is the borderline-innocuous video that doesn’t overtly show any bared flesh or penetration, but somehow says something even more important about you for watching it. We all casually stumble over sexual content, but we don’t all stumble over hilarious fetish content, the way you do, at your desk, all day long, weirdo. For example, this video, in which a woman in a sports bra and a thong crushes watermelon’s between her powerful thighs while kneeling on a blue plastic tarp in what appears to be her guest bedroom or home office. It is not that explicit, but it is the definition of NSFW.

Whoops, you’re fired! Have those reports on what is wrong with you on my desk by Creep O’Clock. (Thanks for the tip, Bubbles. You were right when you pointed out that this video is “interesting.”)

Comments (59)
  1. why tho?

  2. Well, she matches.

  3. It’s also REALLY not save for school, kids.

  4. Careful Gabe, you may get a cease & desist letter from Arbor Mist as soon as they find out you’ve posted video of their patented wine making process.

  5. This is some mad variation on Rule 34.
    If you can think of it, then there are people at your work who will disapprove of you watching it

  6. These poor watermelons. I’m going to send each of them a Hug-e-Gram right away.

  7. yes. this definitely is something that should be declared the talent of the week. she should really step it up and burp the alphabet at the same time.

  8. Would this be NSFW if I worked for Gallagher? Would working for Gallagher be NSFW for me?

  9. Oh, and Prince is SO going to sue her over that symbol tattoo.

    • Prince contemplated this whole scenario playing out in his lyrics to Sex me, Sex me not:

      “Look at my hips
      I’m about to do something
      to make your backbone slip
      And when I get through
      You will be confused

      …Hold it tight
      Check the burn.”

  10. I experienced a lot of different emotions.

  11. Gallagher has really taken his act in a new direction. (I was a little late on the Gallagher joke train,I know, but I did it anyway.)

  12. I mean, she’s cute, and has a nice butt. But I’m worried that though she is well read (with leather bound books, boxed periodical groupings and a study smelling of the finest watermelons and rich mahogany) she has a lack of large knives in her home.
    That said, this year’s picnic is gonna be off the meat chain.

  13. I get it! Not Safe for Watermelons

  14. Wow, she is the definition of a True Connie!

  15. NSF))<>((?

  16. aaaand I tried to watch it again and the videos gone…. Too hot for youtube too

  17. Well this was filmed in someone’s study …. which seems incongruous (or congruous, given said Internet Society)

  18. Directed by Frank Rossitano.

  19. Youtube brought to you by Earl Roy Watermelon Company Llc

  20. This video had been removed from Youtube, thus saving my morning/ entire week.

  21. My favorite part is that it’s entitled “broad busts watermelons”. Who says broad anymore? Apparently collectors of NNFCP (Non-Nude Fruit-Crushing Porn).

  22. Its been removed! In my attempt at viewing the video I visited World Star Hip Hop. What a delight! I have seen World Star Hip Hop videos on sites, but never realized the exercise in intellectualism that the site offers.

  23. “All food must be prepared in accordance with state and local public health laws.”
    -YouTube’s terms of use

  24. http://nsfw.org/ I thought that this was the real NSFW.

  25. “I told you already, if you want to be a star you gotta crush this fruit between your legs.”

  26. That watermelon just orgasmed.

  27. You know, I honestly don’t think there’s anything weird and creepy about this. Does that mean I’m weird and creepy?

    I think stain prevention is the reason she’s almost nekked. If you were demolishing watermelons with your thighs in the most badass way imaginable, why would you want to get watermelon juice all over your clothes? Also, if I had freakin’ thunder-thighs-of-steel, of course I would film myself crushing large objects with them.

  28. well, we’ve got our first “Thighs” tag, so I can at least sleep a little sounder tonight.

  29. I just thought it was funny when she said, “This is a big ass watermelon.” Is that a watermelon that is big-ass, or an ass watermelon that is big? Or both?

  30. she is to watermelons what Xenia from Goldeneye is to human beings.

  31. Does she eat the remains after? I hope she does. I’m going to tell everyone that she does.

  32. The dude’s breathy, resigned, appalled, seduced, entranced, watermelon-crushed “woooow.” at the end says it all. Oh, Videogum. You can try all you want to destroy my sex life. IT’S WORKING.

  33. what the fuck Selma Blair?

  34. why is this arousing?

  35. She could have done that with a pair of shorts… or did I miss the point?

  36. i want to go to there.

    (i like the awed gasp of “wow” from the cameraman)

  37. So racist.

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