Oh phew, Sayid is alive. Of course, that was the cliff-hanger during last week’s season premiere, but now he is really alive, because he says “wha happen?!” My favorite thing about Sayid being alive is how Jack immediately jumps into doctor mode. Like, he props Sayid up and starts bossing everyone around like Doc Hollywood. “Hurley, let him breathe. Miles, go get him some water.” Hey, Jack, do you think maybe that if someone was just resurrected from the dead after being drowned in a diarrhea hot tub that your medical knowledge has been rendered completely irrelevant? No? You don’t think that? Of course Jack doesn’t think that.

Over in the corner, Sawyer is like, “blah blah blah, guns.” Always with the guns that one. “I live my life by two rules: Always Be Nicknaming and Always Be Trying to Get the Guns.” It seems easy enough because about five minutes later he has a gun. He is like “bye” and Kate is like “what?” and the leader of the temple is like “you have to stay” and Sawyer is like “guns.”

The Chinese Level 3 Final Boss wants to spend some alone time with Sayid and Jack is like “obviously I am not going to let that happen” and the dozens of armed guards are like “obviously you are confused by the definition of the word obviously” and so they take Sayid into the other room and torture him. They electrocute his nipples and they poke him with hot pokers and he is like “uh, why?” and they are like “you passed the test!” Oh good, Sayid passed the test, you guys! But then Sayid leaves and the one hippie nerd is like “I just lied to him, didn’t I?” Wait, does that mean Sayid didn’t pass the test? Oh Sayid, you should have studied harder for your Torture Test!

Meanwhile, Kate and Jinn have been allowed to leave the temple and track Sawyer through the forest along with Mac from Paddy’s Pub and some other dude (maybe a customer of Paddy’s Pub?).

Apparently it is very important that Sawyer be brought back to the temple safely. No one says why. No one ever says why on this show, which I suppose is part of what keeps us watching, but at the same time, I feel like if I was about to go out into that jungle what with all of its smoke monsters and it’s being unstuck in time sometimes, I would be like “just clarify the importance for me is all. Let’s just all be on the same page with why this is important.”

Kate and Jin escape from Mac from Paddy’s Pub. Jin goes off on his own looking for Sun, because if there is one thing that we have learned over the past few years (or is it still days? Oceanic Flight 815 crashed four days ago, probably) it is that it is just very safe and very smart to go off on your own on this island. Kate finds Sawyer and he is back at the old Dharma village reminiscing. Hey, Sawyer, want to go sit on a dock?

He was going to propose to Juliet! Don’t you hate it when you are about to propose to someone and a nuclear magic time pocket sucks them into a well and then also sucks an entire construction site down on top of them and they bash a hydrogen bomb in with a rock, but even that doesn’t work, and it’s just like: wedding’s off. This guy knows what I’m talking about:

Look, I’m just going to say this right now before we go any further, because I want to get it out there and take my lumps for it an then get back to talking about this great show, but has anyone else noticed that there is a certain creeping cheesiness in season six that was never really there before? I think it comes from the Sebastian Junger’s Perfect Storm combination of too-much-action plus ham-fisted-dialogue plus Sawyer’s-pouting plus so-many-papier-mache-temples. I’m sorry. It’s kind of cornball. I still love it, but can we get back to being cool and mysterious? I feel like we’re encroaching on Heroes territory, and I hate Heroes territory.

So the Chinese Level 3 Final Boss made Sayid a magic pill, but the magic pill will only work if Sayid takes it willingly (you know how medicine works, you’ve been to Pill School) and he tells Jack that Jack has to give Sayid the pill and Jack is like “what if I don’t?” and the guy is like “then the infection will spread” because we are in Riddle Town where even the pizza is topped with Riddles. (Although the baseballs are just baseballs.) Jack doesn’t give Sayid the pill because Sayid and Jack have a man-to-man talk about trust? So Jack takes the pill and the Chinese Level 3 Boss is like BOOM BOOM POW, and Jack is like “now that I took the pill and you kicked it out of my throat will you at least tell me what is in it?” and the guy is like “poison.”

Uh, couple things:

1. you really should have let Jack take the poison, dude
2. if you have armed guards and run the temple and bring Sayid back to life and can make magic poison pills that only work if you believe in them and you are also apparently a karate master sometimes when you need to be, and everything that you say is an important mystery shrouded in riddles, why would you give up the big secret so easily? You got the pill out of Jack (for some reason), but that doesn’t mean you have to tell him anything?

Then he explains that if Sayid does’t take the poison, a darkness will spread over him, “just like what happened to your sister.” OH NO! And Jack is like “OH NO!” And I’m like “WHO’S SISTER?” And then I’m like “OH RIGHT, CLAIRE!” And then I’m like, “OH NO!”

Speaking of Claire: back at bizarro LAX, Kate has hijacked a taxi cab with preggo Claire in it and is like “go faster” and the cabbie is like “I’m trying” but then this guy is like “luggage!”

Classic. Kate takes a moment to share a meaningful confused glance with Jack. Then bizarro Claire is like “please just let me out” and bizarro Kate is like “no,” and then bizarro Kate takes her bag and kicks her out anyway?

Escaping from duly appointed federal marshals is confusing! Then Kate goes to a garage and is like “get me out of these handcuffs” and Mickey Rourke’s Body Double is like “no problem.”

That is easy enough! If you ever need to get out of handcuffs in a hurry, you should definitely go to this garage, wherever it is. He even lets her use the bathroom for as long as she wants. Nice guy! That is where Kate discovers a Polaroid of Claire in Claire’s bag and is like “whoops, she was pregnant!”

You know, for a tracker, you would think Kate would be more observant. Anyway, she goes and picks up Claire from the side of the road, and Claire is like “are you kidding, you just pointed a gun at me and stole my stuff. You are definitely going to need to spend two seconds convincing me to come with you.” So Kate drives Claire to the home of the woman who was going to adopt her baby, but the woman is all like My Life Is Juno, and then Claire is all like Baby Time. Kate rushes her to the hospital and gets a doctor and it is like WHUUUUUUUUUUUT?!

And Doctor Ethan is like “you can have the baby now, or I can give you a series of mysterious drugs that will let you not have the baby until a lot later from now.” WHAT? Did the hydrogen bomb change mankind’s understanding of pre-natal medicine? Anyway, Claire is not ready to have BABY AARON yet, and Kate is like IT’S A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX! Then we think the baby dies for a second, but the baby doesn’t die, and Claire gives Kate her credit card, because whatever, we are in Upside-Downy-Bananas-Land anyway, so of course a pregnant woman stranded in a foreign country deep into her third trimester gives a complete stranger who recently robbed them at gunpoint their credit card. Yup!

Oh, and back on the island, Claire kills Mac from Paddy’s Pub and then she sees Jin and she gives him this look that is like, “I definitely need, like, a hundred showers.”

LOST!

Comments (80)
  1. No word yet on what role dicktowel.com will play in the forthcoming storyline…

    • I’m hoping one will show up in the temple. Then Jack can see it, and say, “What’s that?” and the Japanese guy can say, “Dick towel.” And it will be great.

    • I really hope the end of the series is now just Charlie telling the gang a drunk story at the Paddy’s Pub. That would basically explain why this show is disjointed and r-worded.

  2. I just want answers, is that too much to ask? I feel like they are going to bring Paulo and Nikki just anytime now.

    • yes, here’s hoping the next episode catches us up on what they do with their massive diamond fortune once they get to LA. and can we maybe get a “what frogurt does” while we’re at it?

  3. Kate: Wild card, bitches!
    Everyone Else in the Whole World except Jack: Please just shut up and go away.

  4. I could not take Mac seriously. I kept wanting Dee to wander over and be like “shut UP, Mac.” and Green Man dances by in the foreground. I hope JJ Rowlings realizes… that would be the only fitting ending to this show…

    • i’m just hoping the rest of the gang shows up ASAP. danny devito on the island would be the best answer to 6 seasons of unanswerable questions.

      • Danny DeVito and Sawyer? That would be some serious Gun Fever! Or would it be Gungle Fever? No? It wouldn’t? Whatever.

      • Next week they’re going to find another Dharma hatch and in it Frank, Sweet Dee, and Charlie have opened up Bizarro Paddy’s where they sell Dharma Beer. Meanwhile Dennis has told everyone to F off and he’s busy trying to kiss up to the Level 3 Boss so he can become part of the paper mache torture crew because they are way more BADASS. Also, if we are merging Sunny and Lost then I want a rewrite of last weeks episode where Sayid will now say “Surprise BITCHES, I’m still alive and I’m blowing your minds right now” instead of “Wha happen?”

    • I think LOST is now just one giant episode of “Project Badass.”

  5. Even Lost cannot make baseball interesting.

  6. Yeagh… at least we got the “Kate episode” over with early in the season. This episode was all filler! No content!!
    “What Kate does”? What did she do?! Nothing! Aaaaarg. So frustrating.

    • This is what worries me about the whole altern-815ers storyline. Last episode it was great. Locke and Jack might have been friends? Touching, in a way. Sun and Jin wouldn’t have been married? Interesting. Hurley would have been lucky instead of unlucky? Good for him! They were all poignant and, better yet, none of them took up too much time. But then we get to Kate and the writers go, “I know what you really want to know about the alternate timeline—how did Kate escape from the authorities in this version? Oh, wait, you don’t care about that? Well, too bad, we devoted 40 minutes to it!”

  7. i love that claire is the rousseau. but what i love more is that sayid is the new claire. can’t wait for sayid to not shower, have crazy hair, and be overly trigger happy. oh wait thats already a perfect description of sayid.

  8. Am I the only one annoyed by ABC teasing new episodes with “the time for questions is over”, meanwhile the first two episodes have focused on an alternate reality and a group of people in the original reality whom we never knew existed and live in a temple working for a guy from Mortal Kombat? Dear ABC: These are not answers to questions that I have!

    • I don’t think its so much saying that they’re going to answer our questions as “the time for questions is over so SHUT UP JUSTIN.” At least they’re forthcoming about their contempt for us as viewers.

    • I think this just highlights the delusions of the show’s writers (and maybe the ABC promoters). They actually seem to believe that answers to our questions are coming fast and furious and that we have really all been watching for five seasons because we CARE about [wanting to see] the [most annoying] characters [finally get the deaths they so richly deserve].

  9. resurrected from the dead after being drowned in a diarrhea hot tub

    On one hand, this makes me wish I watched the show. On the other hand, man, I’m glad I don’t watch this show. Sounds a bit like Fear Factor there.

  10. I’m glad there was apparently a Kay Jewelers on the island for when Sawyer decided to pop the question.

  11. I definitely thought the same thing about Heroes territory, having someone confirm it bums me out.

  12. What was with all the crying in last night’s episode? Kate cries, Sayid cries while being tortured, Sawyer cries, Claire cries, Kate cries again. What is this? The Crying Game? Somebody needs a puppy.

  13. Sayid gets tortured and it somehow lacks the irony the writers wanted to convey: take a drink.
    Sayid gets electrocuted by someone who speaks English as a second language: finish your drink.

  14. The plot. I’m so lost.

  15. It’s official – Gabe’s recap are now the sole reason I will continue watching this show

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  17. Does anyone find it weird that Kate didn’t notice Claire was pregnant when she kicked her out of the cab? Also, do a lot of pregnant women take Polaroid pictures of themselves with babies they don’t plan to keep? These are all legitimate questions!

  18. Correction: final paragraph, Claire kills Mac and sees Jin, not Sayid

  19. The problem I am having with Lost seems to be sorting out my own de ja vu over a prior episode and the writers intentional alluding to prior episodes/ events/ themes. I know this is cliched, but watching Lost is really a severe acid flashback for me.

  20. Can we agree that the real reason Jin went looking for the plane is because his acting coach was on it? Seriously dude needs some lessons. He makes Mathew Fox look like Marlon Brando and normally Mathew Fox makes Paul Walker look like Meryl Streep. Ugh, come on Jin get it together.

  21. “Lost S06E02: A Tale Of Two Katies (Boo! Sorry!)”

    Why apologize? You didn’t make Kate a bitch.

    Speaking of which, it’s pretty fucking ballsy to carjack a cab, shove a gun in the face of a pregnant lady and steal her stuff and then cop an attitude when the pregnant lady doesn’t fall all over herself with gratitude when you give her stuffed Shamu back. (That’s what she said.)

  22. what i want to know is why do guys on tv shows always throw the engagement ring in the water? i am not a guy and i have never bought an engagement ring (and im not on a tv show) but i imagine if i did and i didnt get to propose i would either keep it in the 5th pocket of my levi’s as a memento or, if i weren’t the sentimental type of guy, i would hold onto it till i could turn it into cash.

    • they throw it in the water so that someday altworld James Cameron can take old man Sawyer back to the lagoon with a magical submarine to excavate the Juliet Diamond from the muck and hear tragic reminiscences of their love by the light of the fiber optic camera monitor.

    • In my area, Poseidon has been running alot of “cash for gold” commercials, so that’s probably why. He’s pretty fair.

  23. I should never talk about Lost in public because I just sound like a crazy fanboy apologist, probably because I am crazy fanboy apologist. That said, I am thoroughly enjoying the season. The show’s always been cheesy, at least since a polar bear came running out of the jungle and Jack gave that hammy speach about counting when you’re a-scared (which is to say, for the start). I’m getting answers like crazy (I’ve been wondering about “the sickness” since Season 1, what happened to Aldo since Season 2, what exactly the temple is since Season 3, what happened to Claire since Season 4, what happened to Sayid since last week, and what’s going on with the side-flashes since OH MY GOD WTF IS GOING ON?!?! Anyway, good time. I’ll go back to editing my pogs blog now.

    • I agree with this. I love lost because of the mixture of the outrageous and the awsome. The temple hippies are cheesy (as my wife says) but I have a firm believe that if you haven’t crossed into cheesy/stupid at least a few times, you haven’t gone far enough. Lost answers questions with more questions and if in the end it all makes sense and hasn’t gone of the rails some, I will be disappointed. That said, the biggest “WHAT?” that I had in this episode is that I ma expected to believe that Kate was spotted getting inot a cab at the airport, and escaped and then drove around LA in the cab with out getting pulled over or chased by a helicopter. I find the frozen donkey wheel more believeable, but then, I have on in my basement. When I turn it, I end up in the bathroom of a gas station in Danville, Kentucky.

      • go back an episode: kate and the marshall go into an airport women’s room moments after their flight touched down…and it’s empty. never gonna happen in real life. but maybe that’s just LOST’s way of constantly reminding us that it’s just a TV show

        • True. Also, they both touched the bathroom floor and didn’t instantly die of some flesh eating disease. Again, it doesn’t bother me–it is part of the joy of the show. My favorite part from last night–”If you needs us, we’ll be in the food court.”

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  25. The fact that Rousseau was so purposefully mentioned as being dead means she will be on next weeks episode or we need to be reminded of her, or maybe Claire has taken Rousseau’s spot. Rousseau did have a illness that made her kill her friends. Same illness as Sayid? Does Claire have the illness? Is that why Desmond was quarantined in the Hatch? Damn here comes another acid flashback…

    • I was thinking that Rousseau killed her crew because they had the illness. I think there was a scene where she was about to kill the last member of her crew (who was maybe the father of her child?) and he convinced her to give him a chance, once she appeared to trust him he pulled a gun on her or something and she shot him.

      Someone let me know if I am remembering this incorrectly.

      • You are correct. It was Rousseau’s crew (according to her [well, and also according to seeing it during that one time flash]) who had the “illness”–the same one that perhaps C and S have.

  26. What does Sawyer dig out from under the floor boards. It looks like a piece of cloth that he sniffs.

  27. I got so excited that there was finally a character on Lost named Justin! Then he got pummeled with giant rocks and shot.

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  29. Justin was BLT from Degrassi Jr. High!

  30. you know, the Sawyer stuff may have been cheesy, Gabe, but man was that cheese ever RAINING on my FACE (wait, what?)

    also, and I hate myself for this, but minor nitpick? this was actually episode 3, LA X, Part 2 was episode 2.

  31. My roommate gets off late and I watch it with him when he gets off from work. So I watched this episode pretty much twice in a row last night.
    With that said, my main problem was Aldo and the things surrounding Aldo.
    I’m a fan of It’s Always Sunny. I liked McElhenney’s role in Season 3 of LOST because he played a very Mac-In-Charge-of-Guarding-A-Door type character. The role was in his wheel-house and he was there to get knocked unconscious, so what he said did not really matter.
    This time around he shows in the Temple out of nowhere like a sheriff. WHAT?
    “Alright settle down, people! I have a gun and I’m pointing it at you!”

    Then when they’re walking in the jungle and Aldo gets annoyed by Jin and Kate’s questions, his lines were very woof-worthy.
    “I’m sorry! Is this a press conference?! Shut up, Kevin! We’re the ones with guns!” (Or whatever he said.)

    He was copping so much attitude, you would think McElhenney thought he was playing the part of Michael!

    I also thought the part where Kate knocks him out with her canteen was directed rather poorly. It didn’t look like a knock-out anything. It didn’t look like contact was made.
    Even later on when Aldo was going to shoot Jin and then got shot by Clairesseau was very cheesy-villain-like to me. He was grinning like an idiot and acting diabolical. But let’s face it. We’re looking at Mac from It’s Always Sunny. Not Danny Pickett. Pickett would have nailed all of Aldo’s scenes. But he be dead. Oh well.
    Everything else from last night’s episode I wound up just rolling with. Even though the flash-sideways were Kate-centric, I feel they were more in line with connecting Kate to Claire in both realities, and then revealing more through Sayid’s predicament about why Claire has been missing for a whole season. I was left optimistic.
    Claire giving up her credit card was really dumb though. Even I thought, “”Kate, don’t take that Aussie’s card. She obviously has no idea how the real world works.”
    And now apparently she has been claimed by the dark one.
    But really, who are they kidding? Everyone knows who would really rule that island if he was there…

    Step aside, John Locke.

  32. i think my favorite thing about the show at this point is that the characters continue to be surprised by the shit that goes down.

    • CONTINUE! They’ve seen that fucking place disappear from the spot it was sitting in the ocean and we’re still waiting on them to shave their heads and create a cult.

  33. Did no one else notice that the Chinese Level 3 Final Boss (who is Japanese) used the machine from Princess Bride to tortue Sayid?

  34. I feel pretty certain at this point that the show will never explain why Kate is so good at tracking. Do you just become an expert tracker when you’re a felon on the run? Was she born with an innate ability to track?!

  35. Juliet, she’ll pretty much have to; or just fall down a well.

  36. Coworker 1: (on the phone) “She took your Lost DVDs and your weed? That’s like, two of the only things I care about!”
    Coworker 2: You should buy a bong and name it the Smoke Monster.

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