It’s hard to believe that it’s already here, but tonight is the final broadcast of The Jay Leno Show. Hold on, let me just wipe these tears from my eyes. (Tears are exactly the same things as barf, right?) Anyway, what a wild roller-coaster it has been. So many downs and downs! Of course, there is one good thing to come out of all this, and that is that Jay Leno’s true face has been unmasked and revealed to the world. It turns out that he is less of an awe-shucks-everyman who just loves to laugh, and more of a backstabbing-nightmare-with-an-airplane-hangar-full-of-cars who hates to relinquish his mediocre grip on entertainment. Remember when he told Oprah that it would have been selfish to retire? The guy just gets it! Oh, he also said something to the effect of: “You should never quit when you are ahead, you should only quit when you begin failing.” O CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN! I’m sorry, is Jay Leno the host of a talk show, or is he the coach of the Dillon Panthers?

Anyway, since all of America (practically none of America whatsoever) will be tuning in to tonight’s emotional show (look out Super Bowl viewership record!), here is a fun (read: dangerous) drinking game to play at home:

Drink every time:

  • Jay makes a reference to how NBC screwed him over, despite the fact that he is the only person NBC didn’t screw over
  • Jay takes credit for something for which he deserves no credit (ex: a human life)
  • Jay makes a falsely humble reference to his upcoming return to the Tonight Show as if what can he say, he’s just doing God’s work for the people
  • Jay makes a joke that is painfully unfunny
  • Actually
  • You know what
  • Just start drinking when the show starts
  • And do not stop drinking until the show is over

PLEASE PLAY RESPONSIBLY! (By which I mean, please do not play this game. Read a book! This one is particularly good!)

Comments (31)
  1. This addition will surely get ya bit right quick:

    - Kevin Eubanks smiles widely and says, “Nawwww, Jay!”

  2. umm…i not doing any of this (a book? no thanks GRANDPA!)…at 9pm there will be a new Life After People and there is nothing I enjoy more than pretending everyone is dead.

  3. I’m just glad I won’t have to scramble to turn the TV off after 30 Rock anymore.

  4. woozefa  |   Posted on Feb 9th, 2010 +6

    if i were to watch this, i’d drink every time he looks like a total douchebag. and yet, alcohol poisoning is nowhere near as fun as it sounds.

  5. I’m glad you’re discouraging participation in what would surely end only in pain and regret, because I thought I was going to have to break out my Millie Ketner “I prefer to get high on life” quotes.

  6. I have seen on average 27 episodes of The Jay Leno Show and I know firsthand that watching a full hour of it is about equal to alcohol poisoning. So no worries if you don’t have alcohol, the pain comes naturally.

  7. How about I just punch myself in the face instead?

  8. I refuse to play any more late night drinking games. Andy Richter got me sooo drunkk

  9. Question about the last four bullet points… Do I have to actually be watching the show for this?

  10. Probably the first drinking game of this nature I’ve ever encountered where there is a clearly defined winner and a clearly defined loser.

    Hell, just watching the Jay Leno show makes you a clearly defined loser. Not even alcohol can save you.

  11. Let’s all take a little pride in the fact that something called a “Justin Bieber” is a trending topic on Twitter right now, and Jay Leno is not. I’ll take justice where I can get it.

    On a serious note, did you see how NBC is basically erasing Conan O’Brien from their memory banks? It’s like a Sci-Fi movie, in real life! Sorry, Sy-Fy is how you spell it now, right?

  12. How much do you drink if Jay starts up a Doritos sales pitch with “Hey remember back when I was funny? Uh here eat some Doritos… oh god what happened to me” puts an uzi in his mouth and unloads and his brains splatter on the wall behind him in the shape of an NBC peacock because he is a company man to the bitter end. (This is all original material and not copy right Bill Hicks).

  13. I’ll be watching Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town. Don’t hate me because I’m Canadian.

  14. I know our minds are going to be occupied with the much more solemn event of Jay Leno’s last ahow, but for those of you watching Lost tonight, jump into chat!

  15. One of the many “highlights” you all missed on The Jay Leno Show. The woman is Chelsea Handler. The eye vomit, meanwhile, is mine.

    • I can’t believe Jay Leno still thinks his completely inappropriate “zinger” on David Letterman is a highlight. Then again, I can’t really believe any of this. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and this will all be a horrible, horrible nightmare and in Suzanne Pleshette’s place, Conan will be there, all “Don’t worry! I’ll never leave! Jay who?”

  16. Oh man, I totally forgot about this :(

    I wonder who was the 10 at 10 celebrity?!

  17. We just watched a few minutes of this and pretended to play along with the drinking game…when Donald Trump came on the TV screen I chugged the invisible bottle of Maker’s Mark until he said that oh-so-still-relevant-and-popular catchphrase, passed out, and my boyfriend threw the tv remote at the loveseat.

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