teenagers.jpg

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYZ, I HOPE THAT YOU ARE SITTING DOWN AND THAT YOUR POGS ARE SECURED AWAY IN THEIR CARRYING CASE, BECAUSE IF THEY AREN’T, YOU ARE ABOUT TO FREAK OUT SO HARD THAT I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THOSE POGS IF THEY WERE JUST LYING AROUND. OBVIOUSLY, WE ALL KNOW THAT THE NEWEST TWILIGHT MOVIE, ECLIPSE, IS BEING RELEASED ON JUNE 3OTH AND EVERY NIGHT WE SAY A PRAYER TO GOD THAT WE REMAIN ALIVE UNTIL THAT DAY JUST LONG ENOUGH TO SEE IT. AFTERWARDS HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS TO US, AND TAKE US TO HEAVEN, BECAUSE IF WE NEVER GET TO BE WITH ROBERT PATTINSON OR KRISTEN STEWART THAN WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF LIVING IT IS SO UNFAIR, AND I AM REALLY STARTING TO BELIEVE THAT NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO TURN ME INTO AN IMMORTAL ROMANTIC VAMPIRE, BUT I GUESS THE POINT OF LIVING IS THAT WE NEED TO SEE THAT MOVIE BECAUSE OUR HEADS ARE ABOUT TO FALL OFF WE ARE SO EXCITED!

I’M PRETTY SURE YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO BELIEVE THIS IF I TELL YOU, BUT IT’S TRUE AND I’M GOING TO TELL YOU ANYWAY: AFTER THE JUMP WE HAVE GOT THE FIRST TWO STILL PHOTOS FROM TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE, UM, YEAH, I KNOW.


OH MY GOD THEY ARE LYING AROUND ON A FIELD OF GRASS! I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO BE A FIELD OF GRASS SO BAD! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT MOVIE OF ALL TIME. MOM, GET OUT OF MY ROOM! I HATE YOU! CAN’T YOU READ THE SIGN THAT SAYS ‘NO PARENTS’? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS JUST A JOKE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT JUST A JOKE.

Actually, since I’ve got you all of you young people here, I’d love to just take a second and rap at you guys about safe sex.

Always wear a condom. Even if your partner is a fictional undead metaphor for sexual anxiety.

AND NOW BACK TO FREAKING OUT SO MUCH THAT I SERIOUSLY THINK I MIGHT HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, SO I’LL JUST MEET YOU THERE BECAUSE WE’RE ALL GOING FOR FREAK-OUT RELATED EMERGENCIES?! (Stills via ONTD.)

Comments (46)
  1. If Kids hs taught us anything, it’s that everyone gets AIDS in the end. Oh and THIS RULES MY FACE!!!

  2. Will you stay with me, will you be my love
    Among the fields of purpley flowers
    We’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky
    As we sparkle and make out

  3. Needs more werewolf.

  4. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  5. NEEDS MORE CAPS!

  6. I bet his penis is undead!

  7. OMG GUIZ NEW DESKTOP

  8. Team Field of Grass.

  9. These pics look like they could have been from either of the 1st two films. Jesus kids get the hell out of the field already.

  10. Aww! I hate Twilight and KStew a lot and I still think the second picture is really cute. You go, Glens Coco. Have sex in a field of purpley flowers.

  11. As a young adult who knows he’s making a difference in the world, especially by donating to the relief effort in Haiti, without a religious body compelling me to because I’m free to believe whatever I want, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make references to me going to Heaven, thx. When I pass on (which will be never! I’m invincible!) I’ll be going to be with Xenu, thanks.

  12. NO NEED TO RAP AT US ABOUT SAFE SEX UNTIL BREAKING DAWN!!!! U R SO UNCOOL NOW GET OUT OF MY ROOM!

  13. Why would a vampire need a watch?

  14. ZOMG!! LMNOP!!!!! TEAM TWILIGHT!! While all of you guys have gathered to read about this ZOMGREAT news about Twilight: Full Moon… can we just take a second to talk about how old PPL just DON’T GET IT??Next thing you know, they’ll be outlawing vampires and snap bracelets!

  15. Two polar bears are perched on a block of floating ice. One says to the other: “Do you know, I keep thinking it’s Monday…”

  16. What’s this about safe sex? This is Twilight. Condoms? You don’t need those, you will only be having sex with your husband/vampire. AFTER you are married. Anyway, vampires are dead, they can’t impregnate you with a demon baby who will break your spine and require a vampire bite C-section and then that demon baby will be lusted after by that werewolf friend of yours who previously lusted after you. That is what won’t happen. Obvs.

  17. OMG! I?VE TOTALLY BEEN THERE! Making out in a field of flowers and he?s like ?oh yeah, I?m so hot for you pocket square.? And then there?s kissing and rubbing and grinding and grinding and you go to unbutton his jeans and then he spasms and then he turns away and he?s like, ?oh sorry?I was just so worked up? ? and you are like, well, I?m still worked up, but he goes to get a washcloth and your just sitting there in a field of fucking flowers…MLIT.

  18. Being rapped at about safe sex reminded me that I had been meaning to google “people sitting in chairs backwards” for some reason.

    • As long as they aren’t being rapped-rapped about safe sex, because then they are doing it wrong.

      Also, if we want someone to rap about safe sex, it should be Colby. He’s down with safe texting.

  19. NNNNNNNnnnnnNNNNNNnnnnnnNNNNNNNnnnnnNNNNNN!!!

  20. I just destroyed my Slammer from excitement!

  21. How can Eclipse be coming out in June already?
    I just mean, how can this much excitement fit itself into life?

  22. I am printing out these photos and putting them in my Trapper Keeper.

  23. HOLY SHIT.

  24. so the comeback of plaid has made its full trajectory from bushwick to vampire glen in about a year. nice job, plaid.

  25. 1870-1885
    1931-1941
    1992-1994
    2009-2010
    Every time plaid comes back, it leaves sooner. I love you, plaid.

  26. I am going to blow up those pictures and make them my literal wallpaper.

  27. Dear Dr. Van Helsing:

        They’re in a field.

    Sincerely,
    Me

  28. its ok guys, hes not full ginger, he still has a soul

  29. Did he get a haircut?
    Can vampires get haircuts?
    That’s literally all I can think about right now.

  30. I’m gunna go kill myself so maybe I can be reborn in Twilight. That’s how suicide works right?

  31. I don’t know what these Pogs are, but im going to be spending the next hour picking up the Tiddlywinks I just threw everywhere.

  32. KStew must’ve put on some weight. In that first pic RPatz looks smooshed.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.