Just such a great dad, probably.

Joe Simpson, father of Ashlee Simpson and Jessica Simpson, is getting his own TV show. Fair enough. If anything, it’s weird that he doesn’t already have a TV show. It is not like there is not room for him. The world’s hunger for human nightmares with no discernible talent and complete disregard for the respect of others or the well-being of their loved ones does not seem to be anywhere near satisfied. But what on Earth is this show?! From the Hollywood Reporter:

Joe Simpson, father and manager of pop stars Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, has teamed with veteran tween and teen series producer Tommy Lynch for a comedy series project set up at Nickelodeon.

The untitled show will be loosely based on Simpson’s real-life experience as a psychologist raising two daughters in Texas.

I feel like this is one of those picture games where you have to figure out the 10 things that are wrong with it, but instead of it being, like, a snowman with a carrot for an arm instead of a nose (cool puzzle!) it is, you know, vague details about what sounds like the worst show ever. So, what is wrong with this picture? Answer key after the jump.

ANSWER KEY:

1. uo?po?????u
2. ?p??o?
3. ???ds? ???q??? u??n? ?o uo??u?? ou
4. u??p???? ?o? pu? ‘???? ??n??? s,uosd??s ?o? uo p?s?q
5. ??????s?q ‘?u???????? ?sn?

Comments (37)
  1. “Jessica never tries to be sexy. ? She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she?s sexy in both. She?s got double D?s! You can?t cover those suckers up!” That’s an actual quote from your Dad, everyone.

    • My dad is the best! He brings all his cool friends over to the house. Jon Gosselin, Michael Lohan, Bret Michaels. Then they let me hang out with them and show off my new bikinis and tube tops.

  2. that upside-down text is giving me violent flashbacks.
    *shakes fist at the heavens* ISTANBUUUUUUUUL!!!!!

  3. ??q?? `????p??? ? ?? s???? ?u????? u?op-?p?sdn

  4. u???? dn ?p?s ????? ?u??u???o? ????u ?? ?

  5. I am Joe’s earring. I make Joe look cool.

  6. ??l?s?no? uo s??? ???no?q no? `?q?? `??q?????

  7. Unfortunately, I’m from the town that the Simpson clan started in, and when Joe packed up his nightmare brood and left for Hollywood, I was naively optimistic that the system would destroy that scumbag. But I guess I under-estimated those double d’s that you suckers can’t cover up.

  8. “The untitled show will be loosely based on Simpson’s real-life experience as a psychologist raising two daughters in Texas.”
    .
    In the series premier he takes his two daughters to see the Texas version of ‘Brian’s song’ in which Brian Piccolo is resurrected 3 days after he dies…

  9. Oh Nickelodeon. What happened? Makes me miss ‘Pinwheel.’

  10. “Jaclyn! Maddie! Stop fighting over the bathroom! (shrug, laugh track.) Now, no boys in the house while I go psychoanalyze!”

  11. Wait, wait, so you’re telling me that Joe Simpson’s humiliating attempts to make his daughters famous were really all about making HIM famous????!!!!!!!

  12. From the looks of it this thing is going to be a mashup of In Treatment and Hey Dude.

  13. upside down writing is what will ultimately lead to the success of the ipad.

  14. First episode: His daughter (lets call her Tessica) attempts to go on date. He meddles in the relationship and eventually they break up. Repeat for the whole season. COMEDY!

  15. It’s a good thing my screen is upside down (decorative choice, thank you) or else I would totally freak out…

  16. Why isn’t this a WDYCI!?

  17. Nickelodeon used to have a show called Legends of the Hidden Temple – teams would compete to see who could run through a temple obstacle course to recover some artifact or whatever.* But there was always a point where they had to go through some creepy swamp/tree/forest situation and one of the trees would have a bad guy inside and that dude would jump out and grab the kid and scare the bejesus out of me. What I am saying is, I can only assume that Untitled Joe Simpson Project will be that moment, over and over and over again, for the whole time.

    * (It’s weird how I am pretending to be too cool to remember all the details of Legends of the Hidden Temple when it was basically Must See TV for me every afternoon at 4:30. Shrine of the Silver Monkey, you guys, am I right?!!)

  18. the worlds first “analrapist”?

  19. 1st Episode program info: The family moves to Utah and deals with polygamy and incestuous issues. Ashley vies for her fathers attention while Jessica shines in his limelight. run time 19min.

  20. “The balloon got away? Nooo!!! Ashlee’s in it!!!”

  21. Do you know where I was at your age?
    Any idea where I was at your age?
    I was working downtown for the minimum wage!
    And I couldn’t let you just throw it all away
    Throw me a kid, God, throw me a knife
    So tell me Lord, am I the Antichrist?

  22. Simpson’s real-life experience as a psychologist raising two daughters in Texas.
    Simpson’s real-life experience as a psychologist raising two daughters
    Simpson’s real-life experience as a psychologist

    :-O

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