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About a thousand years ago, I used to do some copywriting for an international corporation that was in the business of selling things to people who lived around the country. During the winter, I would sometimes write things about the cold or the snow on the ground, because they always say that you should write what you know, and in the winter I know that I am miserable. But the editors would always tell me that I had to take these charming details out because we were marketing to people who lived in Florida and California as well, and that it was not cold in those places. Well guess what Florida and California! I DO NOT WORK FOR THAT COMPANY ANYMORE. Don’t we all agree that it is incredibly cold outside? Sure we do. This is America.
Ease your dog days of winter blues with another Monsters’ Ball. After the jump, the Five Hottest Comments, as voted on by you, the Coldest Comment, and the Editor’s Choice.
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
Say hello to My Little Pony
Posted by: lilbobbytables in response to Best New Party Game 15
Score = 92
With great Powerade comes great responsibility.
Posted by: joefry in response to Best New Party Game 15
Score = 92
“We’re gonna need a Bigger Mac!”
Posted by: chris in response to Best New Party Game 15Score = 100
“STELLLAAAAAAAA ARRRRRRRRTOIS!!”
Posted by: Gary Bang in response to Best New Party Game 15
Score = 102
[Ed. note: a first in the history of the Monsters' Ball! A full sweep of Best New Party Game comments. On the one hand, I think there were lots of great comments this week from people who had something to actually say, but that game was fun, and these comments are all great, so let's just enjoy this moment. A wise man once said that paradise is owning an airplane hangar full of cars the ability to know you're in it before you're cast out of it. We are in it!]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
i haven’t said this in awhile, but who the fuck cares? fuck this talentless, douchey looking douchebag.
Posted by: woozefa in response to Hey, What’s Up With Topher Grace?
Score = -27
[Ed. note: you brought this upon yourself, woozefa. You are a valued and contributive member to the Videogum community, but this is my least favorite type of Internet comment. Next time, you should just not click on the post! No one will think you are less of a man or less of a woman, whichever you are, if you keep your not-very-useful curse words to yourself!]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
Guys: Jay Leno Peeing For Ten Minutes Video
Posted by: Patrick M in response to Liveblogging Jay Leno On Oprah
[Ed. note: Oh man. It is crazy how you can know so much about how the Internet works, and still close your eyes to the obvious truth and click on a link with your heart full of hope. I wanted so bad for this to be real. And even though that is the essence of the ancient practice of Rick Rolling, and countless other e-gags, I'm sure, it does not change the fact that for a brief second, Patrick M made the impossible possible and brought dreams within reach. Thank you for that.]
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top 5… wow…. the feeling is unapproachable.
I set my standards more realistically and just shoot for the lowest-rated comments by saying something bad about Topher Grace.
Like: ?Toofer Grace = cat POOPZ? ?
I haven’t had the lowest rated comment yet either…it might be a fun challenge.
nothing gross though. I still have El Fuego induced nightmares.
i guess the moral here is that monsters love to party.
Top 5 comments are all from the same thread?!?
*swoon*
Sorry…for a second there, I forgot Barack Obama was black.
I kinda loved woozefa’s comment. The balls, not the sentiment. Obviously.
I liked that it seemed like woozefa sort of lost his/her mind for a minute. And also, getting so upset about Topher Grace=Sort of caring about Topher Grace. Also I like that searching for the source of Woozefa’s avatar picture thing once sent me down a 2 hour internet rabbit hole of weird 2 legged cats and trick photography.
Can you PLEASE find the original of woozefa’s old picture? I am CRAZY about Bearded Maniac Holding Cat.
i replied below. for the record that wasn’t my original avatar. i’ve had many, but most were cat related. or bruce lee related. or dolemite related. i’m leaving now.
i just read what you wrote. now i’m REALLY leaving.
I’ve upvoted your comment in support! Don’t leave!
That Stella comment is the best, I’ll never think of the drink the same again.
You won’t think of it as a drink that causes you to beat your wife anymore?
Yeah, isn’t that what they call it in the UK, “wife beater”? I like how it is sort of seen as a fancy beer in the US but in the UK is basically on the level of malt liquor.
I feel the sudden urge to totally applaud everyone for the BNPG sweep of the top 5, Jeopardy!-style. Good work, dude(tte)s!
Great week, team. Rest up, I have a feeling about next week.
I’m sorry that I have to resort to this, but: http://twitter.com/dennang/status/8243778515
Posted at 12:43 PM.
Just so it’s clear, I do, in fact, hate myself.
unsubscribe.
DOUBLE unsubscribe.
i, myself, shouted “stelllaaaaa artoiiiiiiis” at dinner on saturday night while pretending to tear my shirt. but you see, my dinner with friends was not sanctioned under BNPG15, and neither was your twitter update. twitter is outlaw territory.
Wow, this is almost as controversial as the fact that the original quote in Spiderman was stolen from Teen Wolf.
That phrase was used in Spider-man comics in 1962, and apparently be traced back to Jesus himself! or at least to Roosevelt.
Patrick M is the first Monster to ever receive two Editor’s Choices! Way to go, Patrick M! Woozefa has now tied the record for the most times in the lowest voted. We still love ya, woozefa!
More MB stats:
http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/270476062/complete-list-of-videogums-monsters-ball-commenters
We need monster trading cards with pertinent stats on the back.
Yay. I’m going to keep one on the mantle and one in the bathroom like Emma Thompson
I first read that as one in the bathroom with Emma Thompson. I was like, weirdest bathroom ever? no. AWESOMEST bathroom ever.
Patrick M must be on steroids.
FACT: as a non-drinker, I didn’t get what #1 was, but I was out with friends the other night and one person had a bottle of it and I immediately shouted “STELLLAAAAAAAA ARRRRRRRRTOIS!!”
Let me take you all out for a drink.
Probably my favourite thing ever.
It was one of our better parties
do you mean this one?
well, that was supposed to be a reply to cultural underpinnings. darn.
anyway, original is here
MY LIFE IS COMPLETE. I’m just going to print that out and frame it and look at it instead of the mirror first thing in the morning.
Anybody else just notice this big disclaimer thingy at the bottom of the page? Popular culture blogging makes for strange bedfellows I guess.
Yeah, yuck, right?
GUYS I had my first plus-fifty this week!! Not enough for Monster’s Ball but enough for a self-esteem boost! I’d like to thank my parents, my beautiful lover Ariel, and whoever taught me sarcasm!
Yeah, that guy who taught you sarcasm was real good at it.
Seattle is possibly going to break its record of warmest January of ALL-TIME, and I’m miserable. I just want to see some damn snow already!
I’m a Seattle monster too! I think the weather here has been making everyone act strange lately…..then again, maybe I just know a lot of strange people.
I’m from beautiful Spokane, and if you want to drive cross-state, Jeff Dunham will be performing here live on Feb. 17. FYI.
Unfortunately, I missed it. I was busy spraining my pinky finger in game at an adult dodgeball league, because I was apparently trying to find the lamest injury possible to explain at work the next day. Also, I missed it because I was busy doing anything other than attending a Jeff Dunham show.
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tradition, I get. Innovation?
I’ve got the SAD too!!!!! Doesn’t help that I just got cut from my orchestra either. Can we get some more Unicorn/puppy chasers in here? Where’s Lindsay with the cute posts when we need her?
Chew on this!
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Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
There’s about ten different ways “/irony” could be interpreted and each of them lead to the conclusion that you have a tenuous grasp on the definition at best.
Also, your comment is retarded and fake.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
What did you have? A dick for breakfast this morning?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Welcome to Videogum. Calm down, Chris Brown.
You know, I don’t think I agree. All exercises in self-satisfied pontification are totally necessary. Furthermore, everything I post on Videogum is also totally necessary. Just ask my boss.
p.s. How about I leave the door open just a crack? I have trouble finishing when it’s shut.
you forgot the and fake. this is gay and fake. that, my good man, is how you do irony here on the videogums.
Yesterday morning I totally thought of a variation on the stella post: “STELLLLLA DORA BREAKFAST TREATS.” This made me giggle because of the Patton Oswalt bit about them.
this seems like as good a place as any to put this. and they didn’t have any sort of “how’s our driving?” over at stereogum. if it gets ignored, fine. and i know this is a bit of a sensitive topic around here. but while i don’t exactly waste too much of my time trying to comment on stereogum, i think it’s still a great place to learn about new music. and i think there is a group of people that hang around here that would enjoy, and benefit from, having a civilized conversation about good music.
if, say, stereogum just left a thread like this for us (gummers?) to use over the weekend to talk about new and/or good music, and to otherwise snark away in a democratic manner, then i think, first, they’d get a lot more traffic on weekends and, second, that stereogum could be allowed to have a sense of humor again.
werttrew? scott? anyone?
Seems like a fine idea to me, but the folks to ask would be Scott or perhaps Amrit. I’m just a commenter like you.
you’re so modest.
Guest commenters
This post was so funny it made me come out lurker mode. Hi Videogum!
I miss the internet. Hey monsters!
Skymall!