6tpj1uqf05w.jpg

Clearly, there are still a lot of questions that remain to be answered in the open case regarding the disappearance of a dog named Rigby and the possibly criminal actions of one Wolfie Blackheart (very real name. Very legal name). Whether or not she played a role in the dog’s death, or if there is anything illegal in one girl’s self-taught approach to the art (art!) of taxidermy, is for the authorities to determine. (Although, nice editorializing, Channel 5 News Team, with the very interesting and important b-roll footage of a travel mug with a skull and crossbones on it lying in the weeds. Very newsworthy. Very journalism.) But one thing is certain: she is NOT a werewolf. Yes, I know that she claims that she is a werewolf, but I urge people not to take her seriously. The reason that I know she is not a werewolf is because WEREWOLVES DO NOT EXIST, and if they did exist, SHE WOULD HAVE A LOT OF MUSCLES AND NO SHIRTS.

P.S. That’s your sword. (Via Arbroath.)

Comments (47)
  1. I have 7 years of apprenticeship that says taxidermy IS an art! I’m tired of people saying my chimeras and jack-a-lopes aren’t art! Stop it, everyone.

  2. At least this is a puff piece and not their Top Story…

  3. I don’t know… I think she might be a werewolf…

  4. Well if she’s not a werewolf, how do you explain the fact that everyone is scared of her and her dog Jacob TOTALLY seemed into it when she tried to get frisky with him last weekend?

  5. Wolfie should have realized that messing with the Ginger Kid would only lead to her own demise.

  6. I kept waiting for them to cut to her making the winning shot in her high school’s basketball game and/or standing on top of a moving van whilst dancing/surfing to Surfin’ USA…

  7. But Gabe, she is ALWAYS in the woods…CLASSIC werewolf hangout! Clearly, this girl is a werewolf.

  8. There’s no way you’re always in the woods, Wolfie.

  9. If someone told me, “hey there is this girl who think she is a werewolf, and she may have recently be-headed a dog”, I would have laid down a heavy wager that said girl lives in either Texas or Florida.

  10. if you regularly accessorize your outfits with bandanas, chains, and a squirrel pelt……. you might be a werewolf

  11. She’s totally post-monster. For a while I totally forgot she was a werewolf.

  12. Just what this emo kid wants: more attention.

  13. There are no such thing as female werewolves. (Sorry, feminists, but it’s true!)

    Think about it…everyone’s heard of a Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, right? But a “Werewolf BAT Mitzvah”? To quote the Rt Hon. Prof. Sir Dr. S.T. Colbert, Esq., “that’s the craziest f#?king thing I’ve ever heard”.

  14. James Munoz is all like I went to journalism school for this?

  15. and why has she turned into such a werewolf? OOOOooo that’s right….FOREVER!!!

  16. werewolf?
    there wolf.

    (get it? “a lot of muscles and no shirts”? *shoots self in head*)

  17. That’s your username.

  18. People were sending me child porn = 4chan is somehow involved in this

  19. why is 1:40-1:50 so off synch with the sound/voice?

    • (If you are being serious, it’s because they wanted to use their footage of her holding a giant Sword of Eternia, but she was saying something innocuous at the time, so they dubbed her talking about something else over it)

      (If that was the point you were trying to make, then LOOK THE LATE-70S CARTOON “FANGFACE” IS ON YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gwqbwFaj4E #werewolfstuffthatsreleventtome)

  20. I don’t think she stole a dogs head, though I do think she stole Ian McCulloch’s head.

  21. I’m just glad that we know she is agnostic. Although if that were the case, why did she have an angel windchime? Maybe it was to warn her that angels were coming so she could kill them with her knife (Sword of Protection).

  22. I was kind of shocked by how quick I was to side with the werewolf. Anyone else?

    • Absolutely. That’s your local news. Why is what she thinks about religion relevant to whether or not she killed the dog? “There are pictures on the Internet!” Seriously, this isn’t a news story, it’s a “let’s scare old people with video of ‘these kids today’” hit piece.

  23. Werewolf barmitsvah, spooky scary, boys becoming men, girls becoming wolves!

  24. Well, now I have someone to take with me to see, “Big Money Rustlas”.

  25. I might have accidentally beheaded a dog named Rigby in a failed taxidermy attempt, but I didn’t kill any animals. Like I said, I’m more likely to hurt a human than a dog any day, but even then, like, not…really…possible. Oh and my name is Wolfie. MLIT.

  26. I believe she’s a werewolf. It’s like every other person/creature of legend: the reality is NOT what you expected. Like when I spent 6 years (and half a million dollars) trying to locate the monkey that first spread HIV to humans. Turns out, it was Ann Coulter.

  27. I don’t think that’s a wolf.

  28. Wait, that’s NOT my girlfriend?

  29. Hi. Hello. First comment.

    I was sort of half-forming a joke about this (something something varsity basketball!), but then I clicked the link, and now I’m just really :( . This is like an episode of Criminal Minds (For Dogs).

  30. Perhaps we now know who was behind the ’3 Wolves howling at the moon” meme.

  31. If you click through to the “justice for Rigsby” site, the headless pic looks really badly photoshopped. Just sayin’.

  32. “…which I’m always in the woods.”
    I just liked the way she said it. It’s as if she’s suggesting it’s not eccentric behavior just because she does it so much. Also I like the quick cuts to her dogg collar.

    • I know. She’s like, “Duh. I’m always in the woods. I’m a werewolf and that’s what we do – right?” She’s trying to convince herself.

  33. If this was a game of “You Laugh, You Lose” then i was doing good until she lifted up that sword.

  34. aw man. this actually IS my local news =(

  35. I think the most important question that no one is bringing up is whether they asked her to bring out her sword or if she volunteered.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.