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In the aftermath of the NBC late night melt-down that resulted in Conan O’Brien being forced out of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno has begun his whistlestop tour of image rehabilitation. First stop, Oprah! To be honest, as a 56-year-old man, up until today I thought this show was just about dog-shampoo tips and Tom Cruise. But initial reports suggest that this lady, whoever she is, is going to ask some TOUGH QUESTIONS. Let’s see!

4:00 Here we go! In the words of the philosopher Jim Carrey’s The Mask, IT’S SHOWTIME!

4:01 Say what you will about Oprah, but no one could argue that that this show doesn’t use enough soft-filter.
4:04 Jay Leno knows that you never retire when you are still on top. Always wait until things start to fall apart. Champion.
4:11 Is Oprah always this boring? LADIES?
4:13 Oh phew. Jay Leno does not have any hard feelings towards Conan. More like Jay Gentlemeno.
4:16 Haha. Jay Leno feels that the Time magazine article calling him “the future of television” was “fair.” Diplomat! Is the United Nations hiring?
4:18 Oprah: a lot of people are not on your side, because they think that you have been selfish. PAH!
4:20 Oprah: “Conan said he felt moving the Tonight Show [to 12:05] would be destructive to the franchise. Jay Leno: “Well, if you look at the ratings [shithead smirky dramatic pause] [pause] [what a shithead] it was already destructive to the franchise.”

4:26 This is the worst.
4:28 Like, when Oprah asks Jay if he wanted to call Conan and he says yes but that he didn’t feel it would be appropriate, what a bunch of nonsense. It’s actually fine that he didn’t want to call him, whatever, he’s a jerk, no duh. But be a fucking man, Jay Leno. There is absolutely nothing INAPPROPRIATE about calling a colleague or even just a fellow HUMAN BEING in a situation like this. What a self-denying narcissistic asshole. YOU CANNOT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, JAY LENO. Either be a backstabbing careerist crap, or be an actual nice guy (and you have clearly made your choice), but after that, live with it.
4:34 Oprah thinks that Leno’s joke about Letterman’s infidelities were “beneath him.” Really? How? Beneath WHAT?
4:36 Jay Leno has compared show business to marriage, war, boxing, wrestling, and gun-slinging. NO RACE CAR DRIVING? HOW ABOUT CHIN HAVING?
4:38 You know, I didn’t actually think that Jay was personally responsible for getting Conan fired and taking back the Tonight Show until he went on Oprah and vehemently insisted that he had nothing to do with it, over and over and over, when no one even asked the question in the first place. Methinks the Leno doth protest too much (sorry).

4:44 Oh Jay, again, NO ONE expects you to have animosity towards Conan, because if you did you would be an ACTUAL FOREST MONSTER.
4:47 AHA! Here we go! Oprah explains that the reason she wanted to have Jay on the show was because she was surprised that people were mad at Jay, and that it must be that they don’t understand how showbiz works. THE QUEEN HAS GIVEN HER BLESSING. Fuck you, Oprah. It’s not 1987 anymore. The mystery of television is not what it used to be.
4:50 This interview is so frustrating that the When in Rome trailer that just played actually looked OK just because it was NOT THIS INTERVIEW.
4:51 “To me, retiring is a selfish thing to do.” — Jay Leno
4:52 Oprah was surprised and confused when her scientific Oprah.com poll showed 96% of people were on Conan’s side. It is so weird that a billionaire didn’t understand what is so distasteful to non-billionaires about a fellow billionaire’s power-grab.
4:56 Jay Leno insists that walking away from the Tonight Show would have been the egotistical thing to do. Sure. Looks like someone has an airplane hangar full of expensive, rare BULLSHIT.
4:57 Oprah extends an open invitation to Conan to be on her show. TEAM DON’T BOTHER!

Comments (54)
  1. 4:03- “Fuck you Jay Leno.”
    -inglorius basTURD

  2. So, either Jay is one of Barbara Walters’ “Most Interesting” or I have glaucoma.

  3. i’m really not interested in anything he has to say. when did it become okay to be a sore winner?

  4. Has he gotten to the part where he says Jimmy Kimmel sucker-punched him? SPOILER ALERT.

  5. I’ll just wait for the Oliver Stone biopic to hear Leno’s side.

  6. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • In case there’s a developer reading, here’s my pitch!
      Web app that connects to an specified twitter account and automatically refreshes tweets with a certain hashtag. #liveblogging
      Contact me to send me my cut of the profits.

  7. jay leno is an old shitty thing.

  8. Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    That’s the face she’s making the whole time, right?

  9. “It’s just show business,” says Jay Leno. What did he draw from Conan’s last show? “Don’t be cynical.” The Oprah interview with Leno is great TV. We get to watch Leno make all these rhetorical side-steps to justify his return to the Tonight Show. But doesn’t Leno see the contradiction here? Leno’s appropriation of Tonight Showgate as a matter of “show business” is rooted in cynicism. Deep cynicism. The kind of roots that bend and crack sidewalk squares reaching for water. Leno, grayed in the hair, arms resting in sovereign pose on his plush Oprah chair, is a contemporary Lear, comprehending the mess spiraling out from him. “Nothing will come of nothing,” Lear says in the play. I can hear Leno saying it too. Overanalysisgum out.

  10. Gunfighters? Boxers? Looks like Jay Leno is now the king of violent profession analogies.

  11. Anybody else notice he’s wearing a flag pin? Like that was the last thing the press could’ve got him for

  12. “damage control” = finding a way to become relevant to an audience that has totally abandoned you.

  13. Whether or not you like Jay Leno, you have to admit that after this Oprah you’re thinking to yourself: the Tonight Show is going to be EXCITING! Way to sell it, Jay! Color me pumped-up.

  14. Too many metaphors! This is why people like him. He confuses their tiny brains.

  15. Is it just me, or did Oprah really start giving him a hard time after he told her that “retiring is the selfish decision.” Not the right person to say that to, Jay.

    • Plus tell people who worked all their lives and retired at 65 that they’re being selfish. (Obvious but,) Jay Leno is the WORST

  16. Oprah to Jay: “THIS is how you lead into the Local News, son.”

  17. This is like a battle between old and young. Also, a red state/blue state battle. Old people and republicans watch T.V…. explanation up in your face.

  18. Is anyone watching the after the show thing on oprah.com? It’s mostly a lot of women I wouldn’t let my mom be friends with.

  19. I’m 100% Team Conan all the way, but I do think Leno’s core audience- the older ones who made him so popular @ 1130 in the first place- will have no problem watching him again.
    And what sucks worse is that they’re probably eating this Oprah BS up.

    • But, due to the ravages of age, 30% of Leno’s audience have passed away in the last 7 months, 10% never converted to digital, and another 10% will pass away during the Olympics, so viewership will be down 50%, leaving NBC scrambling to find another host sometime later this year. And you can take that to the bank because I’m a genuine psychic!

  20. Was this this week’s Taking One for the Team?

  21. How, exactly, was he sucker punched by Jimmy Kimmel?

  22. The oprah.com show is basically Oprah arguing with her audience to be on Jay’s side.

  23. I think Oprah genuinely cares about the American people. Her discussions on the education system/ female body image/ racism/ nutrition have been intelligent and relevant, and I am willing to overlook the fact that the majority of her shows are infomercials for celebrity wives selling diet books and the correct usage of dog shampoo. What I’m trying to say is: Me = closet Oprah-lover

  24. Hey Leno, stop being such a chin.

    Can we make “chin” happen?

  25. For some reason, Jay Leno looks like Bowser to me.

  26. The whole Jay not having animosity towards Conan is such bullshit. Oh yeah, I just stole your job, but I don’t resent you for what I did to you. I remember he came out on his show a couple of weeks ago and said, “Don’t blame Conan” to which Letterman responded saying, “No one is blaming Conan.” Leno’s got his head so far up his ass. Also, does anyone else find it disingenuous that he has been trashing NBC all month despite standing to benefit from their mistakes? If he was genuinely upset with them back in 2004, he should’ve left for a different network or maybe he should’ve left for a different network this time around, though maybe all the other networks were smart enough not to hire a hack like him. All of his responses attempting to say the right things just make him look desperate.

  27. Someone posted this idea on another website: David Letterman should have Conan on as his guest the first night of Jay’s big “comeback.” YES YES DO THAT!!

  28. JAY LENO IS A DICK!!!!! A DICK DICK DICK DICK DIII11IIICK!!!!!!!11!!1

    (I’m sorry. I’ve had a really bad day and I needed to find an acceptable dog to kick. Thanks, Jay.)

  29. 4 PM? I hope they piped the video feed into Cracker Barrel so Jay’s fanbase could watch the interview.

  30. “I am a standup comedian who happens to have a television show. This is the thing people have asked me for years, and I always tell them, I live on the money I make as a standup comedian” and he saves the rest.

    so stand up comedy money buys exotic cars now… i’m in the wrong profession.

  31. In JayLenoese, “inviting a fellow comedian, who has expressed justifiable animosity towards you and your ilk, onto your show in a display of incredible hubris” means “getting sucker-punched.”

    I think the iPhone has an app that translates JayLenoese in real time, but I only have a rotary phone, so.

  32. I think, in his heart of hearts (or carburetor of hearts, because he had parts he wasn’t using replaced for more fuel efficiency), Jay Leno knows that he is a shithead. Which is what makes this so frustrating. You can’t go on an apology tour and not only not apologize, but actively continue to shit on the people you have wronged. You’d think Jay Leno, of all people, would realize that. Because Hugh Grant. It would’ve been nice if Oprah’s first question had been “What the hell were you thinking?”

  33. For the sake of journalistic integrity I made the following correction;

    4:50 : When In Rome trailer played, made up for the whole hour. Can’t wait!

    Your welcome.

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