I am not touching this one. I’m just going to stand here in the falling snow and watch Chris Matthews morosely climb the steps into the armored bus heading to Race Jail. He’s all yours, Warden! This thing is literally a suicide-race-bomb strapped to Matthews’s giant barrel chest, and anyone who gets too close is going to get blown into mind-pieces. CAREFUL! Chris Matthews is the Black Hurt Locker.

Did you watch the State of the Union last night, btw? (We use expressions like “btw” when talking about the most serious and important of political addresses now. We SEXT about it.) I thought it was pretty good!

I especially liked how excited the House would get every time Barack Obama mentioned them, like the JV squad of the Dillon Panthers at the annual Garrity Motors Cook Out. It is so weird to me, though, all the strategic standing and sitting? The key, it seems, if you want the opposing side to stand up and applaud, is to insert the word “America” somewhere into your phrase. Very popular word. Maybe the reason that the Republicans didn’t clap more was because Barack Obama didn’t look enough like a NIGHTMARE ROBOT FROM DEMON HELL like Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell. “I am programmed to lie.” That dude looks like Two Face. Both of Two Face’s faces are terrifying and gross, right? If that guy is not caught in some kind of dispiriting (and disgusting) scandal involving extramarital sex and knife play within the next three years, I will hang up my Pundit Hat. (Note to self: buy a Pundit Hat. And a Pundit Hat Rack.)

But my favorite part of the speech was the last 10 minutes or so, when the room got really quiet, and Barack Obama was just crushing. You know what I’m talking about? It was like a scene from a movie. It was like Barack Obama was Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade and the Republican party was Mr. Trask, and the American people were Charlie Simms. Slow clap. HOOO-AH.

Except BLACK.

Comments (101)
  1. tl;dw lol

    Bring It On: Fight to the Finish was on ABC Family last night so I watched that instead.

    • i went with Step Up 2: The Streets on Starz last night. Great minds think terrible things alike.

    • I’m new to videogum, but I heard you’re a bit of a VG guru. I figured I’d introduce myself. I’m Katelyn, nice to meet you! hmm, maybe I’m supposed to be vague about my gender, age, hair color (fyi not a ginger, seems like having redhair isn’t cool around here) and actual opinions.
      but whatever, I’m excited to join the VG monster circle. can’t promise I’ll be witty, but at least I will post.

      • Welcome katydid! I’m not actually anybody in charge of anything. I just make lists. More of an archivist who uses a lot of gifs in his comments; not really a “guru.”

  2. That’s my Governor!

  3. My little sister recently confessed that, until a few months ago, she thought that BTW stood for Big Time Wow. Personally, I think that’s a MUCH better acronym.

  4. Can someone send me a copy with all of the clapping edited out? It should cut the speech down to about 20 min.

    Favorite comment regarding the SOTU: “Obama says we’ll double our exports. Someone remind him all America makes is youtube cat videos.”

  5. To be fair, I forgot Chris Matthews was an idiot with diarrhea mouth for nearly a year.

  6. I’m really amused by the idea of sexting about the State Of The Union address.
    “Heer r ma boobez. I thot d speech wz wndrfl bt i wundr how reelistik Ob’s goalz r. sexxxx”

    • I’m biggin you up to God for this one.

    • Clearly everyone WAS sexting b/c you could see the BBs out in full force.

      “… UR makin ma pantz so tight. B @ da Mayflower @ 11. B/c I hav dis work thing den I gotta get ridz of my wife :P

    • My favorite part of Vgum is the This Is My Favorite New Phrase Evar thing that happens to me weekly, at least. And now, it’s txting/IMing/commenting/office memo writing everything beginning with “Heer r ma boobez.” Lots of Love, Napoleon Complex. Lots. Of. Love.

  7. Really, I don’t think that post-racial President Obama was “crushing” it (A couple of my friends even used that term to describe the speech as well, so clearly “crushing it” is crushing it, not post-racial President Obama). I mean, that’s exactly the speech I thought post-racial President Obama would deliver. not exceptionally great but not Bobby Mac bad, obvs. America… FOREVER!

  8. He did crush it. I especially like the part where he mentioned the “previous administration’s” bank bailout, because that was Georgie’s bailout, and everyone seems to have forgotten that.

    Not that anyone who needed to be reminded of that was actually watching last night… I’m thinking of my Southern Republican relatives, who try to bait me into arguing about this during family functions, despite the fact that they have only the most tenuous grasp on how politics work. Sorry, guys. I can’t argue with someone whose “research” consisted of pausing on their way out the door to church to watch 15 seconds of Glenn Beck was on the Tee-Vee. I just can’t.
    No, you’re right, guys. President NoBama is going to send an immigrant to live in your home, and you have to feed him healthcare, because Socialism. I give up.

  9. Oh geez, Chris Matthews I guess you forgot what not sounding racist was. You (seriously) crazy for this one, seriously.

  10. It took me forever to read this post because I applauded at every funny line.

  11. Was anyone else put off by the fact that the only minorities in the Virgina State House were placed directly behind McDonnell? the whole republican response was very uncomfortable. It looked like it was held for everyone who wasn’t invited to the state of the union.

  12. It was SOTU last night! That explains why DC was all in a tizzy. I thought it was Mardi Gras. Everyone acted like they took crazy pills and were getting ready to spend all night drinking Hurricanes. Well now at least we kow which correspondent is the drunkuncle who says inappropriate things at the party.

  13. Found out my mom, who wouldn’t let me play with water guns when I was growing up, bought a gun this year. She finally admitted that it’s for when the black people take over America in 2012. I forgot that things like slightly ignorant comments from an over-earnest Chris Matthews are considered racist by people not from the South.

    • Am I a bad person because I laughed at this?

      I’m sorry about your mom. She wasted money. None of us are getting out of 2012 alive, obvz.

      • Quetzalcoatl probably finds all of this really funny.

      • I mean, if you’re a bad person, I’m worse, since this has become a stock dinner part anecdote for me, and I use my mom’s paranoid racism to get lolz…

      • I need to except that the end is near and start (1) doing lots of drugs, (2) having lots of sex, and (3)posting like crazy on videogum. Thanks Napolean Complex, for reminding me that my time is limited.

        Happy I can do #3 on my list right now at work! Frustrated that it would be inappropriate to do #1 & #2 as well. Feel like my time is slipping away. Help!

    • Word–if Chris Mathews latest awkward slobbering over Obama like a puppy is what’s going as racist these days, then I’ve got a TV channel to introduce you to, a certain Fox News.

    • i know how you feel. At least half the time Gabe calls racism on something I just think what it would be like if he lived in the south. His head would explode. This past summer when I told my mom that John Hughes died at a somewhat young age, she said it was probably because he was gay. yeah.

  14. I guess HE’S a racist.

  15. Ok, but the biggest question of the night was Michelle Obama’s dress. Who told her it was ok to copy Strawberry Shortcake’s outfit and wear that voluminous dress, as well as two shades of purple?

  16. Check out Patrick McHenry (R-NC) at 2m33s

    Lots Of Love

    • i just love that his name is Patrick McHenry. Its like the McDonalds edition of the revolutionary war. “Supersize my liberty or supersize my death!”

  17. After Christ Matthews “forgot he was black tonight for an hour” he went back to remembering that Barack Obama is first and foremost, “an African-American guy in front of a bunch of other white people.” Classic case of the post-racial white pot calling the kettle black.

  18. You wanna know who got really burnt last night? The Supreme Court. BOOM! Take that Nacho Supremes! Also, let’s stop NO-politics, do some governing and try Common Sense. *standing ovation*
    Also, Chris Matthews went on Rachel Maddow later to try and clean himself up a bit. He mentioned something about how united people were that being black didn’t matter or something. A whole lot of BS that would never stick in my mind. ‘Cause I’m rubber, he’s glue….

  19. Perpetuation of this “I-don’t-see-race” lie is just as racist as openly calling me a spic for my brown skin. It all just sounds prettier because people can get away with it under the guise of being “color blind”.

  20. i think he meant that obama being black is not such a central issue anymore like it was during his campaign.
    he just worded it wrong

    • I think you’re absolutely right. I think he (Matthews) caught himself not noticing Obama’s race for an instant and enjoyed the feeling. We all have those moments of self-righteousness and that’s cool, but it’s bittersweet: it’s the simultaneous realization of his own racist beliefs and his ability to recognize and change them. Hopefully, he zeroes in on this and addresses how his beliefs are affecting his actions and ergo the nation’s beliefs and actions.

      Thanks for keeping cool, nicole.

    • nicole, i went through the entire thread hoping to see someone look at this a little realistically and not reactively. the statement was stupid and poorly worded. my bf and i were watching last night and both cringed when we heard this, knowing it would get him in trouble. to me, his comment reminded me about a little life lesson i had growing up. i’m 24, and grew up during the heyday of tgif (trust me this is going somewhere). years later, i looked back and realized that the winslows were black. as a child, it had never crossed my mind.

      that being said, the only truly color-blind man on tv is stephen colbert. i do believe that matthews was enjoying the fact that obama is our president, not our black president.

      rant over, and i adore your picture.

  21. *Obama nails Iron Maiden’s Run to the Hills on Rock Band*
    *standing ovation*
    Obama: We don’t quit. I don’t quit!
    *standing ovation*
    Chris Matthews: For a moment there, I forgot he was black.
    Chris Matthews: People of all colors listen to Iron Maiden. \m/
    The end.

  22. Just like I was proud to have voted for Obama last night, I was also proud to have always hated Chris Matthews.

  23. Thank God for Samual Alito and Chris Mathews–I was worried that pundits and reporters were going to be forced to talk about the actual speech there for a second.

  24. Speaking of race and gender, I love watching joint sessions of congress. On one side of the room–one big blur of grey-haired, grey-suited white dudes. On the other side–Americans as they really exist. Different colors of skin, of clothes–and most importantly, no “Constipation Face”.

  25. I didn’t watch it, but I want to talk about it at work as if I did. I think I can get away with it thanks to Mr. Matthews eloquent summation.

  26. Keep fucking that chicken, Mr. President!

  27. for a moment last night, i actually got all choked up about america. you know. all the pomp and the gravitas and the rhetoric about what america is supposed to be. and then, before bed and in honor of the great man’s passing, i read a little of howard zinn’s people’s history. and i thought again about how fucking pointless rhetoric is when we as a nation are unwilling to actually address serious issues, and the fact that the vast majority of us all are so woefully uniformed and unprepared to think about issues critically- that all we have any more is rhetoric, is the mythos of who we are, and that’s not enough anymore.

    • Ha, those sentiments make me laugh because as a cynical elderly gentleman who appreciates a good deal on vitamins at the pharmacy but not kids on my lawn, that’s how I felt about the Address. When you’ve been around long as we have, you learn to be skeptical of most promises.

      • yep. as an official old person, my youthful idealism was long ago put in the trash. actually, since i was raised by super cynical ex-hippies, i was basically genetically engineered to be a hater of america. i just want to believe! WHY CAN I NOT BELIEVE?

  28. As someone who lives in Maryland, I had to watch Bob McDonnell’s campaign commercials constantly when he was running for Governer and I can honestly say that he is the fucking worst. You have never been so right, Gabe, but he doesn’t just look like a woman-hating rape robot, he is a woman-hating rape robot. His whole thing is basically “Get back into the kitchen, bitch.” Scary.

  29. Did you guys see how colorfully dressed the Democratic congresswomen were? It was a big party! Just throw in some Mardi Gras beads, add some tequila, and baby you got a stew goin!

  30. I mean, if you’re a bad person, I’m worse, since this has become a stock dinner part anecdote for me, and I use my mom’s paranoid racism to get lolz…

  31. I feel like people are making too big of a deal about Chris Matthews. Dumb thing to say, but his statement is getting a little overblown. What he was trying to say (which I deduced before he had to retract his statement and explain it) was that Obama has transcended racial lines and people respect and revere him regardless of his race. Is simply acknowledging the presence of race or ethnicity inherently racist? I don’t mean to sound like a Chris Matthews apologist, but sometimes people tend to blow things out of proportion

    • Dude. “Is simply acknowledging the presence of race or ethnicity inherently racist?” Well, the point is, if you’re NOT racist, you shouldn’t have to address it at all. Sorry, Matthews wasn’t saying, he didn’t say, tonight Obama transcended racial lines and biases. He said, and I quote “tonight I forgot he was black.” Meaning that up until the SOTU, Matthews only perceived a high achiever, an ivy league scholar, a brilliant lawyer, an excellent politician, seemingly a great husband and father simply as a black man. The fact that 400+ years of oppression STILL has to be fought that hard against so that blindly, blithely ignorant fools like Matthews don’t still see a person just as their skin color (or gender) isn’t ‘blowing things out of proportion,’ it’s saying it’s god damned time that ignorant white men be held accountable for THEIR actions; namely, continuing that kind of oppression and racism.

  32. I’m new to videogum, but I heard you’re a bit of a VG guru. I figured I’d introduce myself. I’m Katelyn, nice to meet you! hmm, maybe I’m supposed to be vague about my gender, age, hair color (fyi not a ginger, seems like having redhair isn’t cool around here) and actual opinions.

    but whatever, I’m excited to join the VG monster circle. can’t promise I’ll be witty, but at least I will post.

  33. sorry about this double post. obviously I haven’t figured everything out yet.

  34. I totally forgot for an hour that Spoon was the ugliest band in America…. Thanks Stereogum ad for bringing me back down to earth.

  35. it’s darn tricky, but luckily the ipad has arrived. I suspect it will change my life.

  36. Am I the only one who got and loved Gabe’s Friday Night Lights reference?!
    Gabe, I hear you! It is totally like a Garrity Motors Cook-Out!
    And Barack is The Smash!

  37. I’ll be the odd man out: if I’d been watching when Chris Matthews said that, I wouldn’t even have considered calling him racist. He didn’t say “I almost forgot he was a chicken-eating n***** for a minute there,” he said that he watched Obama without conscious awareness of his race. Just like I talk to my friend Diego without thinking “Okay, you’re a Mexican” while he talks.
    FML (For Martin Luther)
    (or For Michael Landon)

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