Admittedly, this barely has anything to do the Real Housewives of Dallas or videos of foxes jumping on trampolines, but it’s all anybody is talking about right now, so we might as well talk about it here. (And if the boss asks, you can watch movies and videos on this thing, just like you can watch movies and videos on the WiFi-enabled computers at the public library with the rest of the BUMS.) Personally, I have one word for the Apple iPad: UNIMPRESSED. I already have an iPhone, and it is a piece of crap. And not once in all of my time of having it did I ever wish that it was just a bunch bigger and more breakable. “You can read books on it.” You know where else I can read books? On books. Now, if the Apple iPad was $45, and the point was just that Steve Jobs felt like we deserved it, then I would be blogging a different tune. But unfortunately, my quarterly budget for fragile toys that already seem woefully obsolete is all spent, and spent well, I might add. Also:

#SJLIM (Steve Jobs’s Life Is MadTV, thanks for the tip, JCA).


Comments (98)
  1. i want one but i don’t want to pay for one. the end.

    • Ditto. I am a starving student [LOL not really] and uh $1000? To do shit and read books? I think I’m going to do shit with my crappy old computer and read books on paper. I mean, obviously, it looks gorgeous and it would be cool to have. But it seems like something only rich people [or Apple-geeks who need to have the latest gizmo] would get. There’s no way I could afford it.

  2. I went to one of those anagram websites and typed in “iPad Steve Jobs.”

    The result: “Steve Jobs paid.”
    That’s seems about right.

  3. Agreed. When it can do one thing that I can’t already do on my iPhone and/or I don’t have to give up eating for a couple weeks to afford it, then I might be interested. I have to admit though, that Brushes app looks pretty sweet on the big screen.

  4. I’ve been searching everywhere for something to make me look like an asshole in the airport. Bingoooo!

  5. I don’t care

  6. MadTV predicted the future!

  7. Let’s just say that I’ve stopped F5-ing the engadget feed and am now F5-ing this one.

    • I consider myself to be fairly computer savvy, but my mind was just blown that I can now press F5 to rapidly refresh my local neighborhood pop culture website comment areas.

  8. I guess the only down side is that you’d have to have the iPeriod to go along with it.

  9. Isn’t the point of an e-reader like Kindle supposed to be that it’s smaller and more convenient than an actual book? That thing looks just as big and unwieldy as a book and much more fragile.


  10. ~$600 is a lot to pay for a whistling frisbee.

  11. I don’t know, if magazine publishers make really kewl have-to-have apps that give you monthly subscriptions for a fraction of the retail price then maybe. But no, no I don’t want one.

  12. Also, “iPad” is just going to confuse people in Boston, as this is how they already pronounce “iPod.”

  13. The iPad: The new wave of technology for your feminine needs

  14. “Say your a dummy and you want to understand things like quantum physics. There’s a book for that. Or, there’s a certain he in your life and you wonder if he’s just that into you. There’s a book for that. Or you’re a hitchhiker and you need a guide to the galaxy. There’s a book for that too.”

  15. I remember when they introduced the iPhone and I got CHILLS (chills! To be 22 again.) because it replaced something we all used: the poorly designed, almost not-functional cellphone. But what does the iPad replace? What does it introduce? How many people use eReaders? Who loves watching movies on a very small screen? I’m surprised that I haven’t heard Apple address these questions. It’s a more “intimate” computer? I’m not convinced! I might buy one, all the same!

  16. I want to go to there.

  17. iTampon

  18. i really feel like the iPad is going to usher in a whole new era of menstrual blood jokes

  19. Hey guys, I’m just wondering if anyone made a joke yet about how a pad is also a feminine hygiene product? Did anyone make this highly original joke? I’m just wondering, because if not I’m gonna throw my hat into the ring and be like “can my friends put this in their vagina!” So just reply and let me know please, if anyone has made a reference to menstruation-related hygiene! Thanks in advance!


  21. Clearly James Cameron forgot to tell Steve Jobs how to do it up big.

    Step 1: Stolen ideas.
    Step 2: NEW technology.
    Step 3: Long hair

  22. Screw the iPad. I just can’t wait to get my hands on the iWatch, which will revolutionize the way we tell time. It has a gorgeous 3.5″, fully interactive touch screen and you can have one for a modest $799.

  23. Looks like I’ll just have to continue to use my LG Rumor and Powerbook 4G (2005, Y’ALL!). Also, iPad can’t play flash video? What is that garbage?

    • By far the biggest limitation is lack of flash video. I mean, if I can’t watch porn from my favorite websites (in the flash windows) what goods taking my tablet to the bathroom?

    • No flash? Alright, that seals it. I was thinking, maybe if I got off my ass and got a real decent job, I would save up for it. But no flash? Goddamn thing is practically useless [the internet is for porn].

  24. Congratulations Apple, world, monsters! “iTampon” is a trending topic on twitter. 2012, you can go ahead and happen now.

  25. Can I make the obvious joke? iDon’t give a SHiT.

  26. it’s astounding to me that people still giggle like an 8 year old boy when they hear or see the word pad. i feel that it was my iDoody to point this out.

  27. I do like how you can customize the cursor to look like Steve Jobs’ head:

    That is a nice touch.

  28. You crazy for this one, Jobs.

    Seriously, this seems like a crazy bad product

  29. YA burnt!

    Im going to buy one for my grandparents so they can read LARGE PRINT EDITION Tom Clancy Novels and sext more easily.

  30. I thought there was flash!? Whatever, not impressed. I don’t get it!!

    Sent from my iPad

  31. The real question is: do I really want to shell out another $0.99 for iFart? I guess the fart button would be magnified to the size of a door knob, so maybe!

  32. I think we’ve all been iPwned.

  33. YA BURNT

    Here you go:

  34. “Big is the new small. Cami Diaz has one twice this size.”

  35. People with both iPods and Wisconsin accents are screwed.

  36. Just a geeky comment, not a cheeky one.
    It’s clear that Apple had to fire their best marketing people due to the recession! iPad? Terrible name. iTablet sounds slightly better, heck even Roger Ebert suggested iSlate on his twitter.
    And the introduction video on the site is a full load of BS. A bunch of people padding themselves on the back for improving on something that was already there. Huh? And don’t get me started on the storage. 16GB? What are people supposed to do with that? Equally unimpressed over here. Now when you give me an option that could actually replace a standard computer, we’ll talk then.
    (This all comes from a lover, not a hater)

  37. This will sell. People will buy anything. People without kids to feed. Like my asshole cousin. He’ll show me all about it at some family function and be all excited and I’ll pretend like I’m interested and nod a lot and then be like, “Thanks. See you next year.” That will be the extent of my relationship with the iPad. Thanks, Jobs.

    • nah, i predict iflop. it’s just not innovative enough. it can do everything your phone can do and people who want to use e-readers already own a kindle.

      the ipad (woof!) is going to sit next to the 16 pound macintosh laptop and the G4 cube in the hallowed halls of Apple Failure. Even though i’m an apple fangirl, i have much schadenfreude about this.

  38. yes it’s obvious, but ignoring it would be doing a diservice to anyone who is thinking about actually buying this thing. No one can make this device cool and really no one should try.

  39. a device with deliberately limited functionality, virtually no portability AND AT&T’s (in)famous coverage for ONLY AN EXTRA $30.00 A MONTH? WHERE DO I GIVE YOU MY $500?

  40. Looks like a certain company has been eResting on their iLaurels.

  41. So are you telling me Steve Jobs ISN’T a huge MADtv fan?

  42. You guys, I’m just really concerned about finding a place for the iPad between my iPhone and my Macbook #uppermiddleclasswhitepeopleproblems

  43. Jobs should have held that up to the side of his face and said “This is what an iPhone feels like to a midget.”

  44. I want one… is that allowed in this thread?

  45. This will do well with those looking for a middle ground between an iPhone and an iPhone that is twice the size of an iPad.

  46. I’m sorry but did she just say she has to use pads because her CERVIX is too narrow (0:15)??? Holy hell should you never be trying to shove a tampon through your cervix. Yikes, male writers of this sketch!

    • That made me sad. It’s sad that people don’t even know what a vagina is. We think that it is just the vulva, the outside ,because our cultural perspective is looking on from the outside. :(

  47. This is just First GEneration crap. I’m going to wait for future generations when the gyroscope can make it hover abore your lap and there is a popcorn maker.

  48. I’d much rather have a Power Pad.

    You know, for exercising!

  49. Hmm, let’s see. COMPUTERS! No… What’s going on here? Feminine hygiene, yeah. JOKE LANDED, NAILED IT.

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