Batman rubbed lotion on the Joker’s tense shoulders. The Joker closed his eyes in either ecstasy or insanity, it was hard to tell. Lavender scented candles fluttered in the night breeze that blew through the French windows, kissing the napes of the two men’s necks. The new She and Him album played softly in the background, Zooey Deschanel’s voice rising and falling like a slender hand, beckoning them towards romance.

“You’re a freak, like me,” the Joker said. Batman nodded, and leaned down to Eskimo kiss the Joker. He placed his strong, calloused hand on top of the Joker’s clammy, pale hand, and led him to the bathroom, where a clawfooted tub sat filled with steaming water. The Joker nervously tested the water and hissed as he eased his heavily scarred body in.

Through the door, Batman could see the remains of their lobster dinner. The man-handled shells, the congealing butter, the parfait glasses streaked with melted chocolate. They had barely spoken a word during the whole meal, content just to be in each other’s presence, to feel the heat emanating from each other’s bodies, to know that they were complete.

“You look nervous,” the Joker said, and then laughed his intoxicating, high-pitched, delirious laugh.

“I’ve seen now what I have to become to be with a man like you,” Batman said, wiping some ice cream from the side of Joker’s mouth, and coming away with a streak of grease paint. He worked the soap into a lather and cleaned his lover slowly. Gently.

Batman helped the Joker from the tub, his body soft from the water, which had gone a dark, milky brown. “You deserve a better class of lover,” the Joker said. Batman put a gauntleted finger to the Joker’s lips to silence him. They walked hand in hand towards the bedroom. The Joker swept the detritus of dinner to the floor in a loud, angry crash. Batman threw him down on the bed. They wrestled and giggled and became entwined in each other’s arms.

“And here…we…go,” the Joker whispered, sliding his clown colored penis in Batman’s SPOILER ALERT.

Comments (13)
  1. mikeyyyyy  |   Posted on Jul 17th, 2008 +1


  2. ooh man, Robin’s gonna be pissed when he finds out!
    p.s. you kinda ruined she & him for me :(

  3. erm…intersting story, Gabe.

  4. Heh heh, “Why do you let me stay here” played through my head as I read this. Nice Gabe.

  5. strangely aroused  |   Posted on Jul 17th, 2008 0

    gabe you are a total freak. love it

  6. This post completely makes up for your whinning about not being able to say the word “faggot.” So erotic, yet tasteful and heart-felt; never coy but also not obscene. Great work, son!

  7. Jake  |   Posted on Jul 18th, 2008 +3

    You just beat the final level of the Internet. Mazel tov.

  8. That’s it. The fanfic of all fanfics has been written. Hopefully now everyone else will stop.

    If only we were that lucky.

  9. AJ  |   Posted on Jul 18th, 2008 +1

    Gabe tenderly enters the world of slash! A+

  10. Fredo  |   Posted on Jul 18th, 2008 0

    Are you going to start a homoerotic story section on the blog for us gays now? That would be nice.

    Haha. Good story.

  11. Donna  |   Posted on Sep 2nd, 2008 0

    LOL “clown colored penis” … hahahha!!

  12. Paige  |   Posted on Dec 13th, 2008 +2

    :) you are a true story maker you have a givine will to wright. Your like me but diffrent.You take some thing in this world and twist it makiing it some thing people wll read . you have the will BUT what els will you do with it. will you make one about iron man or the gost rider and twist it in to some thing people will love. your like me i can see it in your wrighting. Dont stop your grate at what your donig. iv made many all redy so many i cant cont…… DONT STOP!!!!!!!!

  13. i was blown away, pun intended…thanks so much for this…i’ve been fantasizing this but could never put into words….somehow i find the idea of Batman and Joker sexier and edgier than Batman and Robin…Batman and RObin seems cute but it makes Batman look like a pedophile….nice job, there should be more like this everywhere :D

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