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In a recent interview with NBC executive Jeff Gaspin about the late night wars thing, Gaspin said (basically) that he expected the Conan/Leno fiasco to blow over very quickly once the dust settled in March, and that for as much as people enjoyed and were riled up by explosive feuds, their patience for and memory of them was very short. That’s probably true. Although I will say that for as awful as Leno used to be as the host of the Tonight Show, he was never actually villainous, as he kind of is now. Who knows what the end result of this whole thing will be. Leno is already 97 years old, so it’s not like NBC is thinking so smart about the long-term. But to Jeff Gaspin’s point, everything does eventually blow over (remember how mad people got about Pearl Harbor?!), and when the dust settles, it settles on the top, burying what came before, and turning it into coal and oil. Congratulations, you just graduated from Science College. But if you dig deep enough, nothing stays buried forever, time is a man-made invention, and everything exists at all times in all directions forever. (That’s what Jeff Gaspin meant, right?) (OH LOOK, I SOUND SO HIGH RIGHT NOW.)

Prove to yourself that you were here after the jump with the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, and the Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5

I am a doctor who lives in Los Angeles. I recently met a man who claimed that he was an angel. He said that he wanted to be with me so bad that he wanted to become human just to be with me. I do not understand why I only see him some of the time and that no one else can see him. He recently claimed to now be a human after jumping off of a building and we then made love. I am so confused about what is real and what is not. Take your time to respond, as I plan on riding my bike for several hours today.

Posted by: tiredandwired in response to Best New Party Game 14
Score = 54

#4

I have a soul!

Posted by: Josh Is Wrong. in response to Gingers Do Have Souls, Claims This Ginger
Score = 57

#3

Hi guys, I’m your intern.

Posted by: Lauren in response to Monster’s Ball: The Week’s Best Comments
Score = 61

#2

“It’s Britney, WANKER!”

–Britney Spears, Esquire

Posted by: inglorious basTURD in response to That’s Your Girlfriend: Britney Spears
Score = 64

#1

Actual 2010 Hoverpaper:

Posted by: dance contest winner in response to Monster’s Ball: The Week’s Best Comments
Score = 66

[Ed. note: I feel like you guys were kind of quiet this week. But at least when you did talk you had something to say. Lots of good threads this week, and I would argue one of the best Best New Party Games in the history of parties and games. It is also nice to see that Intern Lauren's comment got upvoted as a pleasant effort to congratulate and welcome her. You have been raised well. In your caves and test tubes.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#5

My name is Walter Kovacs, im a vigilante who lives by his own rules. The son of an abusive mother, Sylvia Joanna Kovacs, who had lived most her life as a prostitute, grew up not knowing his father but fantasized that he was U.S. President Truman.

In 1951,I was removed from his mother’s care and put into a home for problem children after i attacked two older boys who were bullying me, partially blinding one with a lit cigarette. During my stay in the children’s home, i was found to be a bright child who excelled in literature, boxing and gymnastics. Once i moved out of foster care, Kovacs got a job in the garment district where i stumbled upon a specialized synthetic fabric, which later transformed into the inkblot mask i wear for my crime-fighting alter ego.

As the vigilante crime fighter Rorschach, I am a notorious nemesis of New York criminals and police officers. He is ruthless, extremely strong, a master at picking locks and known to use improvised weapons such as a hairspray can and a lighter. At each crime scene Rorschach leaves a piece of paper with an inkblot that when folded in half becomes a smeared pattern

After my investigation into the death of a costumed hero, i am framed for murder, ap-prehended by police and imprisoned. I escape with the help of Nite Owl II and Silk Spectre II, and together they investigate his theory that someone is out to kill and dis-credit all past and present superheroes.In other words how do i save the world before promm!!!

Posted by: Muse Sesay in response to Best New Party Game 14
Score = -25

[Ed. note: I have absolutely no idea why this is the lowest rated comment this week. It is a perfectly decent and funny comment that follows the rules of the Best New Party Game for which it is a submission. A rare miss, monsters. A rare miss.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

#5

Not gonna front. Straight up love this stupid song. I know all the words (in ORDER) and I have every re-mix.

Posted by: underweareyes in response to The Truth Is We All Want To Be At A Miley Cyrus Dance Party

[Ed. note: I think it's time that we all realized that fronting helps no one. Be yourself! There is no such thing as a guilty pleasure, either you like something or you don't. That being said, EVERY REMIX? I mean, I love "Party in the USA" as much as the next hardcore kid, but every remix is almost always too many remixes. Oh well. We should all be so lucky as to find so many remixes that make us happy in this world.]

Comments (58)
  1. Dear John…I WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE! UGHHHH!

    Congrats dance contest winner.

  2. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  3. woozefa  |   Posted on Jan 22nd, 2010 +8

    what a bunch of horseshit.

  4. man. i reached 45 on a comment this week. i don’t think i’d ever been higher than 15 – and usually i’m in the negative. i was hoping i could squeak by but no dice.

    i gotta learn how to make gifs and/or co-op memes for my benefit.

  5. I like how Lauren is all “nonono donttakemypicture youguuuuuuuys!!!” in her avatar. If it’s actually her. Um, is it?

  6. Looks like I’m getting called out on my remix collection. You know what I think? I think that’s classic fronting. That’s all that is. That is straight up and down, old-fashion fronting. But whatever. I won this week! YAY! Um, I’d like to thank my agent and er….my Pilates instructor. Couldn’t have done this without Bjorn. But mostly I’d like to thank bingo gas station for making my avatar which we all know is the Internet equivalent of wearing someone’s letterman jacket around the quad. Thanks Bingo! You’re the worst. Wait don’t play the music….I’m not finished yet…..

    • No. Thank you, but it was nothing really. I mean I just took a screenshot of an email. I was so surprised the cast of Gossip Girl digitally autographed my Netflix email alerting me that Season 2 – Disk 2 is in the mail. CONGRATS ‘n’ STUFF.

      • BUT you told me to put Olivia Wilde in my avatar. So I’ll try to get back up in the Ball again and we can call it even stephens. or is it even stevens. I never remember.

  7. My first Monster’s Ball. Thanks guys!

  8. Two of the top comments were from last week’s Monster’s Ball? ))<>((

  9. I meant “))<>((“.

    • Yeah, not to be a Jealous Jeannie (which I am. Congrats dance contest winner), but I thought comments from last week didn’t count.

      Wow, I sound like Leno. I’ll leave now.

      • Yike. I thought the same thing. Somebody wake up the Lawnmower Man and make him do his job! Ok, I’m now officially in the lead for most cosecutive tainted victories in the Monster’s Ball wtih 2. I’m going to go downvote my own re-hashed joke. Hello, shame spiral.

  10. I think the lowest-rated comment is a result of straight up nerd-hate. Don’t be discouraged, nerds! Some of us won’t give you swirlies for making Watchmen references.

  11. “WOMAN POTATOS SELF” wins all the internets. Every last one.

  12. Having rolled up my sleeves to expose my Rorschach’s signature tattoo and my Watchmen B of A degree, I must say that if there was a reason to downvote the lowest rated comment of the week, it would be because the typing up of the two personas of Walter Kovacs and Rorschach is CONFOOZING and not accurate to the character’s separation of said personas at all.
    The switchover between Kovacs and Rorschach was when Rorschach killed the child murderer (by axing the murderer’s dogs to death, handcuffing the murderer to a stove and burning the house to the ground. Anything before that was Kovac’s experiences. Everything after that was Rorscach’s. Kovacs didn’t have the stomach for what he just did. Rorscach felt it was the necessary step to Absolutism.
    SO when Muse Sesay switches betwee “I” “he” “Rorscach” and “Kovacs,” it gives the impression, and poorly, that somehow there are battling personalities inside his head at all times. The truth is there are not.
    Any Questions?
    How about Mr. A’s?
    (I am so sorry to be nerding out in front of all of you like this)

  13. but where are lowest rated comment and editor’s choice numbers 4 through 1? i’ll wait.

  14. I’m going to start hosting the Tonight Show if I don’t get a top-comment. Don’t make me do it…

  15. I missed the chat party! i am crying big, fat, monster tears.

  16. BIRD FIGHT!!!

  17. I fell into a time shift too Gabe, and I wasn’t high at all, don’t worry. As Stated Previously, M theory is no longer a conceptualization of reality with no basis in our experiential realities. Except that time I was high.

  18. Aw, man, in my first week of videogum commenting, I had two comments that had a score in the mid-40s. So close, SO CLOSE. brb, committing seppuku

  19. you know the spam is getting out of control when you “see latest comment by: jfsdklfjsdklfj” and you go to read it because you forgot jfsdklfjsdklfj is not a monster.

  20. has a comment in one of these monsters’ ball threads ever made it onto the next weeks best comments? Cuz if I can’t win anything for this then why am I commenting? Validate me and upvote this already!

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