The sad thing about dreams is not that they so often go unfulfilled, it is that people so often do not even bother trying to achieve them in the first place. I remember one time, I was at the dentist getting a routine cleaning, and I told the hygienist that I was going to visit some friends in New York for the holidays and she asked if I was going to go to Times Square for New Year’s Eve. Now, I am a polite gentleman who never asks a lady’s age or tells her that what she is suggesting sounds like a living nightmare. So I just said, “no, I don’t think I am going to Times Square for New Year’s Eve,” to which she replied, “I’ve always wanted to do that, but I’ve never gotten around to it.” AND THEN I CURVED A BULLET AROUND THE ROOM WITH THE WORDS “GOODNIGHT, TOO SAD” ETCHED INTO IT, TAKING BOTH OF OUR LIVES BECAUSE THE LOOM OF DEPRESSION SAID IT MUST BE SO. I mean, look, no offense (some offense), but dreaming of spending New Year’s Eve in Times Square is the saddest dream, but sadder still is allowing that dream to go unrealized. I mean, there are lots of ambitious dreams out there that take courage and self-sacrifice to even attempt much less achieve, but the bar on fulfilling the dream of spending New Year’s Eve in Times Square is set painfully low. Let’s put it this way: any dream that involves standing outside in the middle of winter wearing novelty glasses while crushed up against a group of drunk people and not being allowed to use the bathroom is one that you should seriously GET OUT OF THE WAY SO THAT YOU CAN GET TO WORK ON SOME NEW DREAMS.

Which is what I like so much about Maxine Swaby. She doesn’t let something like singing ability, a case of Oompa Loompa head, or the ability to choose non-ridiculous wipes from the VidFX™ mixing board get in the way of making her dreams a reality. Maxine Swaby is like “I eat pieces of New Year’s Eve in Times Square for breakfast.”

Yes! Dreams really do come true! Let’s paint, exercise, and be more like Maxine Swaby, you guys. We can do it all! 2010, the year in which our dreams involve NO bathroom use restrictions! (Via Robert Popper. Thanks for the tip, Tony.)

Comments (25)
  1. I was vastly disappointed by the lack of an Incubus cover.

  2. I only got about a minute into the video, did she just continue saying “Pardon me,_____”?

  3. She’s Jan Terri’s latest (only?) protegée

  4. Seems like a polite young woman.

  5. Wait.

    She is a flight attendant.

    And I’m pretty sure she mimes out half the song like she is explaining how to use the drop down air supply system.

    This is beautiful.

  6. i freaked out when about 45 seconds in, they went from a medium waist-high shot, to AN EXTREME CLOSE UP OF HER EYES.
    You may recognize that cinematic technique from movies such as Carrie and Firestarter.

  7. We need a new dance called “The Flight Attendant” is what I am saying.

    Every R. Kelly song ever would be hilarious and worthy of jail time.

  8. Ke$ha’s plastic surgery did wonders!

  9. It falls a little short of “Tardy to the Party”. But I have to admit the ambition of the Real Housewives of Atlanta is quite admirable.

  10. Pardon me, but this is awful.

    (And pardon me, but that joke was too easy. I’m really sorry. Don’t rate me negative please.)

  11. I’m a dental hygienist, and I say ridiculous things in the interest of small talk constantly. Just a few minutes ago I told someone about to take a camping trip, “that sounds like a lot of fun” when what I really meant was “I’d rather spend NYE in Times Square while peeing into a bottle.” When your job is to chit chat with people who have disgusting mouths all day, you run out of things to say. Not you Gabe, I’m sure your hygiene is A++++.

    • No judgements or nothing, but how do you manage to get on the web so often as a hygenist? I work at a desk, and even I have to mad sneak like a lady doing tying off on the bus.

  12. I’m pretty sure one of the primary problems with Times Square on NYE is people’s disregard for society’s established bathroom use restrictions.

  13. Whose photo is in the frame she’s staring at longingly, is my question.

  14. Clearly this is Alicia Keys’ attempt to jump on the hipster ‘glo-fi’ bandwagon.
    This song > Neon Indian

  15. i’m genuinely into this. she looks like the captain of the s.s. fun neighbor.

  16. Forget Times Square! My dream is to avoid national ridicule via YouTube. So far it’s working…

  17. My dream was to move to Hollywood and become a glamorous Star, I rented an apartment from nice little old lady and became close friends with another women. I carried around a small blue box and liked to hang out at Club Silencio… Needless to say my dreams were never realized.

  18. I am really freaked out by her Oompa Loompa head issue. The skin below her neck is completely different color! What did she do go to a tanning bed in a tracksuit, which gave her face a tan that the jersey shore would drool over.

  19. awesome!!!

  20. on tour with Mark Gormley #daretodream

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