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After the jump, I have a clip from the Martha Stewart Living show in which Martha Stewart pole dances. For those of you who do not know who Martha Stewart is, she is a 68-year-old ex-convict business magnate who (probably) suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder, makes her own Christmas ornaments, breeds her own pets (using her womb so that there are no mistakes), and spits most bites of food into her napkin lest she die from disappointment. And in this clip she is all of those things, twirling around a pole like she’s a 17-year-old runaway working at a nightclub near the airport. I just wanted to make sure we were very clear on what happens in the clip that you can see after the jump. I would hate for someone to click through and say “Hey, I didn’t want or expect to see a clip of a 68-year-old ex-convict businesswoman known for impossibly perfect pastry doing a pole dance” just because I had failed to be clear enough on what was going to happen when they clicked through.

So, are we clear now? Jump = Martha Stewart + Pole Dance.

Crystal.

You can tell from the way she moves that someone has been to prison! (Via WarmingGlow.)

Comments (47)
  1. what happened in this video? sorry i was distracted by the GREENHOUSE in the back of the stage.

  2. Ok, but, Seriousgum real quick? The ‘slutty poledancing as trendy exercise’ thing makes me want to puke. I am so mad at my gender for this. We are all just stripping to pay our tuition, apparently.

    • Yeah but keep doing it!

    • I don’t think people DON’T think it’s also about sex. People just love to be sleazy and get away with it. I’m sad people feel obligated to justify wanting to pole dance by calling it exercise. It’s like journalists going gaga for Sasha Grey. SURE she’s a real actress deserving of media attention and not a girl who’s been doing double anal since she was 18… I think people would be happier just acknowledging that they want to talk about porn and sex and strippers.

      • I say this with the utmost respect for your opinion, but I don’t think you understand. Most women don’t strip because they love it (some do! and more power to them, honestly) they strip because it’s easy money to exploit yourself. My best friend was a stripper for a long time, and trust me, it is usually a horrible environment. The trend of women being hyper-raunchy because they think it’s taking back our sexuality and appropriating what men find sexy is just a real downer for me. Ariel Levy’s book ‘Female Chauvinist Pigs’ explains this way better than I can. I realize that there are exceptions, but mostly, the stripper exercising just hits me the wrong way.

        Sorry for the dissertation. :D

        • I also realize that exercising on a stripper pole isn’t stripping, but it IS idolizing stripping on some level.

        • I was just about to recommend Female Chauvanist Pigs!

          I think the whole stripper-exercise thing has two parts. On the one hand, it’s kind of empowering to feel sexy in an area where women oftentimes don’t. There’s a lot of anxiety about the gym and the right-fitting clothes, flopsweat, etc. And I guess stripper-exercise is a sort of antidote to that?

          But on the other hand, I agree with you that it’s idolizing stripping as something desirable, where really it’s demeaning and blurrrrrrrblurbrblurubl.

        • With all due respect for your point, it’s a little bit irrelevant to my comment. I don’t the stripper aerobics classes are intended for actual strippers. Stripping for money and stripping in an aerobics studio or at home seem to be different things. I don’t doubt that actual sex workers loathe going to the office. But did Martha seem embarrassed? Or that other woman? Did the audience? That’s just anecdotal evidence, I know. I just get the feeling that [some] people like to be a little sleazy/sexy in private, or on television in front of a live studio audience, and it’s kind of unrelated to the actual desperate sex worker lifestyle.

          • I clearly stated that ~being a stripper~ and exercising on a stripper pole are clearly *not* the same thing. I just feel like there is an obvious trend of raunchiness in our culture and that it is wildly out of proportion. To each their own and all that, but if you think most women are learning how to dance on a pole because /they/ think strippers are sexy then you do not understand the issue. They do it because MEN think strippers are sexy. The point is that women are trying to live up to a male ideal of sex, and that bums me out.

            Again, there are ALWAYS exceptions. I understand that. It’s not about embarrassment, it’s about idealizing a profession that is not very ideal. What people find sexy is up to them, and I’m glad we live in a society that is more and more accepting of that, but I would hope we can one day get to the point where women can live up to their /own/ ideal of what is sexy, and for a lot of us, it’s not stripping.

          • Sweet Semicolon!, will you please accept this token of my appreciation for you?
            Image and video hosting by TinyPic

            Sorry about the wonky heart. I drew it with my left foot.

          • How can I possibly refuse tiny dog in a puzzle box with a wonky heart? The answer is, I cannot.

          • Bonus points: when you assemble the puzzle, it’s another chihuahua.

          • Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Thanks for taking the time to discuss this. I agree, for what it’s worth. The point is less in the details (not to diminish the horrible details of many strippers’ lives or the depressing details of the lives of women who feel they must emulate the slutty archetype in order to be sexy ) and more in the fact that so much of the social history of sex positions the woman as object of the male gaze (there’s some theorist who writes about this–smarter monsters help me out?). It’s so much less about the sex act and so much more about power.

          • Yes! Thanks :) You were also way more concise about it than I was.

          • Thanks for reminding me to read Female Chauvinist Pigs!

          • i don’t know where to jump in, but thank you both for addressing all this. applause.

          • I think a lot of people want to have weird sex or harbor some very particular sexual fantasy. I think most people are afraid to be honest about that. I think anything that makes people more sexually secure is valuable. I have no opinion regarding your theory that strip-aerobics idealizes a potentially desperate and ungratifying job except that it seems to presume a little too much. I just believe that people really are excited by the deviant sexual stuff that porn and stripping sort of represent. I’m happy for them if they can find some outlet for their “unseemly” sexual appetites.

          • 1000 times yes to this. I want to add in here, that move at the end, the flip over slide down pole thing, that’s meant to offer a full on spread eagle gynecological exam to to the fellss with the dollah bills in the front row. Makes me feel real sexxxy imagining a bunch of guys staring straight up my birth canal into my uterus while I exercise!

    • I actually rewound that moment during the Golden Globes about 3 times to rewatch Brendan Fraser’s awesome reaction.

    • Sweet Semicolon, I honestly wish I could upvote you forever.

  3. Now THAT is Matha Stewart Living.

  4. Huh. Is anyone else beginning to think that David Lynch is directing life?

  5. Martha’s hips don’t lie. Unless her hips are talking about remarkably coincidental stock selloffs.

  6. Ew. Ew. EWWWWWW.

  7. Oh man. I’ve been waiting forever for an opportunity to bring this up on videogum. A story about martha stewart being in lord of the rings and some kind of weird inside joke about pies and spoons is here

  8. She makes the Lindy Hop look classy.

  9. It would also be hot if Martha did a demonstration of the Shake Weight in some skimpy lingerie she made herself out of Twizzlers.

  10. And this from the woman who told Lindsey Lohan, when she was a guest on the show, that she should think about staying in a few nights a week. (shaking head in disgust)

    I couldn’t watch the video. Martha is my hero. My bitchy, crafty, anal retentive hero. I don’t want the image of her riding the pole in my head.

    • I accidentally saw a clip because it was our Moment of Zen on The Daily Show last night, and it filled me with such horror and shame. Oh Martha, my Martha.

  11. Did you guys hear that?! It was the sound of me screaming in horror, jumping through a window, and hitting the earth at a suicidal velocity. Messy.

  12. I like how for one magical second of luscious freedom, she gets all into it and knows exactly what to do — and then you can actually see her brain say, “This will ruin your brand,” and next thing you know she is standing on the far side of the room saying “No. No.”

  13. I’m so hard right now! (Too Late?)

  14. She’s my Girlfriend

  15. LOL and she is your guyses mom

  16. That was…um…oh geez.

  17. Gah! Well, that was the tipping point … natural disasters + this video=Official End Timez. Now I have to Netflix ‘Left Behind’ and start DVR’ing Pat Robertson. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING

  18. I couldn’t watch it. I tried, and I can’t.

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