[Ed. note: Joe Mande is a stand-up comedian who has appeared on Comedy Central and Best Week Ever, and is the creator of the popular blog, Look At This Fucking Hipster (soon to be a popular book!). As a contributor to Videogum, Joe is forced to do things that we don't want to do, for our education and amusement. If you have a challenge/suggestion, submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org.]
I’m here to present you guys with my second T14TT assignment, in which I audition to be in a boy band. I don’t know if you all heard the big news last week, but Perez Hilton has a new show coming to television later this year that will basically be like American Idol, but for boys only, and he’s accepting audition tapes right now. This is an exciting and innovative idea for a television show that has never been done before and I’m going to my very best to be a part of it!
I honestly can’t think of a single person on the planet more deserving of a TV show than Perez Hilton. Especially a TV show that determines the fates of literally thousands of desperate, fame-hungry teenage boys. Wait, no. That sounds like a really terrible idea.
I mean, we all know Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson are dummies. Neither of them should be allowed to serve on a jury, let alone be able to judge anything. But I suppose if they have to judge something, it might as well be a music competition, seeing as they both had pretty impressive careers in the music industry. But, Perez Hilton? Really? How is he an expert in this field, again? Because he has a lot of experience at liking boys? Is that it? Because that shouldn’t be it. “I’m sorry, Billy. I thought your choreography was a HOT MESS, which is why I am currently drawing a penis on your face using Microsoft Paint.”
Anyway, here is my audition video. I hope you enjoy it as much as I think Perez Hilton will. Oh, and just like last time, it’s full of fat jokes.