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As Benjamin Franklin famously said, “the only things certain in life are death and taxes and porn parodies of popular movies/sitcoms.” And then he invented lightning with a kite! The point is, at some point, anything that is even remotely popular in the world of movies or television will provide the thematic backdrop against which two sad people will DO IT. But Hustler has announced its upcoming lineup of porn parodies, and while lots of them sound super great (I’m sure they will appeal to fans of the originals as well as fans of doing it!) there are a couple in there that should maybe just not be in there. From the Hustler website (via TheDailyWhat. Mom, I don’t even know what a website IS!):
After bringing you parodies like the newly released Hollywood’s Nailin’ Palin and This Ain’t Happy Days XXX, Hustler continues to provide you with the satisfaction you crave with its fresh spin on today’s hottest pop culture & celebrity dirt. Spotlighting your favorite adult talent and featuring witty, refreshing plotlines, even your girlfriend can’t wait for you to bring home the next Hustler parody title!
Hustler is pleased to announce its much-anticipated parody lineup for 2010-11:
- This Ain’t CSI XXX: Chatsworth
- This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX
- This Ain’t Avatar XXX
- This Ain’t Glee XXX
- This Ain’t I Dream of Jeannie XXX
- This Ain’t The Cable News XXX
- This Ain’t The Soup XXX
- This Ain’t The Hills XXX
Wait, what on Earth would a porn parody of The Soup entail? Two people having sex while making sassy comments about funny moments on reality TV? Witha a cameo by Stains the Cupcake Dog? WELCOME TO BONER TOWN, POPULATION A BUNCH OF WEIRDOS’ BONERS. What a witty, refreshing plotline!
That being said, I would much rather see a The Soup porn parody than Curb Your Enthusiasm porn parody. PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY YUCK. I can’t even think of a show I would less like to see turned into a porn parody. I suppose a porn parody of Law and Order: Sexy Victims Unit in which the crimes are shown in graphic detail, and the defense goes both ways (PAH!) would be pretty awful. But I don’t know. A porn about an irrascible 117-year-old multi-millionaire who wants to get a penis cake named after him at the erotic bakery before going to his loud and fat manager’s house and double-teaming his shrill, insufferable nag of a wife sounds like a nightmare.
Can you think of a worse show? More importantly, will you accept my apologies for every single word of this post?
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I’m guessing the name Curb Your Orgasm was unavailable.
Yeah, what’s with the unoriginality of titling? One thing you could count on in porn parodies was a creative title. Not even enough money for that in pornography anyomre? Stupid recession.
This Ain’t Shaving Ryan’s Privates
“Spotlighting your favorite adult talent and featuring witty, refreshing plotlines, even your girlfriend can’t wait for you to bring home the next Hustler parody title! ”
Really? Has this happened, like, ever?
I can only speak from personal experience, but my girlfriend has never spotlighted my favorite adult talent, and her plotlines are often pedestrian.
(You’ll never guess what my major was!)
“Hustler continues to provide you with the satisfaction you crave with its fresh spin on today’s hottest pop culture & celebrity dirt.” You know, after reading that, the first thing I thought was “Well that means they are obviously doing an I Dream of Jeannie parody”, and lo and behold, they did!
I’m Larry David and I enjoy wearing women’s underwear.
“This Ain’t Man vs. Wild”
This Ain’t Seth and Alex’s Almost Live Comedy Show XXX
Could There Be A Worse Porn Parody Than The Curb Your Enthusiasm Porn Parody? Yes. I think that a porn parody of your previous post may well be worse than that.
“This Ain’t Wild Hogs 2″
This Ain’t Every Show on TLC
This Ain’t The Little Chocolatiers XXX
Well, you could do a porn parody of The Soup if the porn was the clips, and you just hired Joel McHale to make fun of said porn clips.
I think that would work, but then it technically wouldn’t be a parody of The Soup, it would just be a all porn clips edition of The Soup.
As long as we get a naked Joel McHale lookalike I’m satisfied.
you’ve officially become my favorite commentor, by either seconding or beating me to my posting my sexual fantasies (that somehow relate to a lot of VG posts?? odd.)
I want a Parks and Recreation porn parody, but like, not a parody, but I want to see Ron Swanson fucking, basically.
Don’t you mean you’d like to see Duke Silver fucking?
I’d love the idea of a Best New Party Game, where you change popular tv shows or movies into witty( using that term very loosely) porn titles.
Comuntity
The Orifice.
This Ain’t Your HOARDERS XXX, really filthy is all kinds of ways
Prize.
This Ain’t Young @ Heart XXX
IT’S REALITY SHOW CLIT TIME!!!
This Ain’t Glee XXX?! Someone needs to go to jail.
This Ain’t C-SPAN Live Senate Coverage XXX
I found an excerpt of the script for This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX.”
Larry: Hello!
Lisa: Hello. Welcome back.
Larry: So! You know, I spoke to our mutual friend.
Lisa: Did you say hello for me?
Larry: I did, I did. I did say hello, and… I couldn’t help but mention the… whole kind of…?small penis” thing… It came out.
Lisa: Oh, my gosh… Was he upset?
Larry: Not at all! Not at all… [folds his arms]
Lisa: Really?
Larry: In fact he had a… completely different take on it than you! He said the problem didn’t lie with his small penis… but rather, with your… BIG vagina.
[smugly, he makes a wide 'V' symbol with his hands]
Lisa: Is THAT what he did?
Larry: Yeah! [sign again] BIG!
Lisa: THIS is my vagina?
Larry: HUGE! [nodding smuggly] Huge!
Lisa: Are you kidding? I don’t have a big vagina!
Larry: [grinning] You’ve got the huge vagina.
Lisa: Oh, do I?
Larry: [nodding] You got the huge vagina. You’re blaming the small penis… It’s not necessary.
Lisa: I made a little… You’re the one that-!
Larry: ME THINKS the lady doth protest too much! Hmph! [making the sign]
I don’t know. That sounds like it could be pretty good, you guys.
Fuck. I just noticed that’s the image Gabe used for this whole post. Awe, hell…
IT’S REALITY SHOW CLIT TIME!!!
These titles are nice, but I want the real sick shit. The This Ain’t This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm (XXX)² shit. The market is speaking, Hustler.
This Ain’t David After Dentist XXX
That’s disturbing.
This Ain’t The News Hour with Jim McLehrer XXX
This Ain’t Fox NFL Pregame XXX with Howie Loooooong
Well then what is Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX?
this ain’t Murder, She Wrote XXX
This Ain’t… well, actually it IS How I Met Your Mother XXX
I think the thing that upsets me most is that they’ve already had 29 versions of each of these porn series…
Confusing: These are all named “This Ain’t [TV Show] XXX.” But it IS that. It IS “This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX.” That’s what it is, and that’s its name. I’m having recursion problems and it is only Tuesday.
This IS The View XXX
I guess we can add an “L” to the triple X if Sherri Shepherd is still on the show.
This Ain’t Antiques Roadshow XXX. Though if they had an ounce of integrity, it’d be Antiques Chodeshow or Assfreaks Roadblow.
This ain’t Avatar: The Last Airbender XXX (I am so, so sorry.)
I’m just waiting for the studios to start making parodies of classic porno.
This Ain’t Behind The Green Door (A love Story)
“Gloria is shy is looking for love in all the wrong places. That is until she meets a truck driver in a theater who teaches her there is so much life to live…Through The Green Door”
What I don’t want to see
“This Ain’t Jeff Dunham Show” racist puppet porn that people say works better live.
What I want to see.
“This Ain’t Always Sunny In Philadelphia” I just like the title, not sure how they would pull it off.
This ain’t the soup!
This Ain’t Survivorman XXX
Basically just some guy naked in the woods. Does anyone have a camera and a free weekend?
This ain’t Kids Inc. Starring Fergie and Jennifer Love.
The “This Ain’t…” series are all on 30 already! I’m way behind on my porno watchin.
“This Ain’t Sesame Street”.
Ewww, I just made myself sad.
Curb Your Erection
Speaking on behalf of gabe’s mom, who says she is 700 years old (we all know she is 1700 years old but we let her lie because it makes her feel better) who dated methuselah in high school, what does “I don’t even know what a website IS” mean?