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Moviehole is reporting that Hollywood is planning on remaking the 1987 comedy Mannequin. Which is not surprising. Everything will eventually be remade, that is just the way the world is now (Glitter 2.0, starring Noah Cyrus, 2023). But this remake is particularly hilarious to me. Mannequin, of course, is about a man who falls in love with a store mannequin who only comes to life when he is around, Calvin and Hobbes-style. Also, he is an artist who becomes a “the best window-dresser in town“, and the mannequin is actually a cursed woman from ancient Egypt? Wait, what? It turns out that Mannequin is a little more complicated than I remember! At least based on the Wikipedia plot description. Eventually, the mannequin is stolen by a competing department store (you are a THIEF, Good Burger plot!) and Andrew McCarthy has to “fight through security and machines” (haha, what?) to get her back. Sure. It’s the classic narrative conflict of Man Vs. Security And Machines Because Of Magic Love Mannequins.

The thing is, though, when they inevitably try to update Mannequin for the Next Generation, the mannequin is obviously going to be, like, a Facebook Gift, or an Etsy Store, right? Do kids these days even know what mannequins are? “You mean the smiley face on the side of Amazon.com boxes?” Oh man, I would pay REGULAR ADMISSION to see a movie about an “artist” (Taylor Lautner) who falls in love with the smiley face on the side of an Amazon.com box (voiced by Selena Gomez). I am terrible when it comes to knowing what is a reasonable thing to spend my money on! (Thanks for the tip, Jared.)

Comments (43)
  1. tuxedo top, michael j. fox bottom. riding a motorcycle. with a mannequin.

  2. I hope he falls in love with a Zwinky.

  3. They already remade Mannequin. It was called Transformers: Revenge of the Mallin’

  4. In the new Mannequin movie, the artist and the Mannequin fall in love by SEXTING each other.

  5. When will Hollywood accept that they can’t improve on perfection?

  6. Look folks, if studio’s don’t keep making terrible movies for 13 year old girls and lonely single mothers, what will Zac Efron have to do?

  7. So the biggest problem with the remake is that kids won’t know what mannequins are anymore because of e-commerce?

    I’m going to bet it sucks for different reasons.

  8. i hope this paves the way for the long overdue CW remake of Today’s Special.

  9. When I was little my brother and I used to watch this over and over on our Betamax. It was in constant rotation with Brewster’s Millions, The Toy, and Fletch. I’m not sue why the movie captivated us so much. Probably because my brother was in love with Kim Catrall and I was studying to be gay dude’s DREAM GURRRL because I knew James Spader/Mesach Taylor/Estelle Getty trivia.

    • I, too, was obsessed with this movie for reasons that elude me. And I believe you are referring to “Hollywood!”

    • So your family was the other one that bought a Betamax? Worst decision my poor dad ever made. He learned his lesson though and passed on Lazer Disc when it came out.

      • We also had Caddyshack and Breakin: 1 & 2. But we actually wore those out from watching them so much. Our Betamax had a remote control…..that was attached to the machine with a cord. My life was pretty much exactly like Paris Hilton’s.

        • My dad recorded a Gloria Estefan & the Miami Sound Machine concert on Betamax and watched it about 20 times a day for all of 1984. I was so relieved when he finally bought a VHS player since there was no way to transfer that video.

          • Wait. So are you saying that your family DIDN’T set up a video camera to record all of your Beta movies like we did? Poooooooor.

          • Get this- we were so poor we didn’t even OWN a video camera! I’m really proud of how far I’ve made it in life considering the crushing poverty of my childhood.

  10. I hope this also means someone will be remaking Starship’s “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now.”

  11. “no no no no no no no no no no no no… we do not need this”

    - Founding Fathers

    (this quote was in reference to non-powdered wigs but it works here too)

  12. I would see this if it was called “Trannyquinn.” but i think that would be a different movie completely…
     
    and i’m just brainstorming here, but cursed egyptian lady top, ken-doll bottom?and OF COURSE the best window dresser in town slash artist is a fruit so that would work out for him. Maybe it even takes place in some vintage store? hence the use of archaic forms of clothing display!…which would automatically make it coolsville! add a soundtrack by [band of the moment] and *POW* add that to Logo’s regular rotation!

  13. “You’re a MANNEQUIN!”
    “I’m a COP!!!”

  14. Good Burger and Mannequin are my nominations for The Hunt for the BEST Movie of All-Time.

  15. Mannequin 7: It’s Just An Old Navy Commercial Now

    • My boyfriend muted one of those commercials and the closed captioning taught us that each and every one of the mannequins have names. Oh, Kimmy! You pistol, you!

      • Which begs he questions: What is creepier?

        The commercials themselves or the fact that someone sat around thinking up names for those mannequins?

  16. I absolutely love the Mannequin movies. Especially Mannequin 2: On the Move. Frozen peasant girl! Bermuda! When I’m at work redressing the mannequin I like to think my life is the movie Mannequin. Of course, half my store’s mannequins don’t have heads, so it’s would probably be terrifying if they did come to life… So what I’m trying to say is, stop ruining my favorite movies and dreams!

  17. If this movie’s hero is the best window-dresser in town and the mannequin he falls for is not a Jonathan Adler look-alike, then it is all a sham. We know our window-dressers, Hollywood.

  18. I misread the tagline on the poster as “Some guys have all the fuck”. I think I just improved this film immensely if the director went with that. Or at least made it more watchable.

  19. But we already had Lars and the Real Girl. Isn’t that kind of the same thing?

    • Please! As if we will be discussing Ryan Gosling over 20 years from now in the same reverential way we now discuss Mr. Andrew McCarthy.

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