The first issue of Duh Aficionado magazine in the new year is a return to the publication’s mission statement: “NO DUH.” Today’s story involves a certain actress’s hilariously insane nightmare dieting tips that no one actually takes seriously, right? RIght. From the Herald Sun:

The Transformers star has been blasted for hailing the benefits of swigging vinegar.

She recently said, “It just cleanses out your system entirely.

“It will get rid of … for women who retain water weight from your menstrual cycle and all that … it gets rid of it really fast.

“I’m not one for dieting or exercising, because I’m lazy and I have a really big sweet tooth, so I have to do cleanses every once in a while ’cause of the amount of sugar I take in.”

However, experts in the field have dismissed Megan’s claims, insisting there is not a single form of vinegar in existence that will help dieters lose weight.

Experts in the field of Diet Vinegar dismissed Megan’s claims. You know who else dismissed Megan’s claims? Everyone. The idea that Megan Fox is even in charge of what goes into her body in the first place is already laughable. I’m sure that Paramount Pictures bought the international rights to Megan Fox’s daily maintenance years ago, and if anything happens to her appearance, a bullet will be deposited in the now useless Megan Fox’s head, and a fresh and perfect 6th Day Surrogate Megan Fox will be brought on-line.

Of course, there is the argument to be made that Megan Fox is some kind of role model to young women, and that society’s trumpeting of her physical beauty suggests that hers is an ideal others should strive for, therefore lending credence and legitimacy to her goofball diet “tips.” Sure. But maybe instead of worrying that young women are now going to start chugging bottles of Progresso Red Wine Vinegar at the mall, we should be more worried about YOUNG WOMEN BEING SO STUPID THAT THEY THINK EATING CAKE AND DRINKING VINEGAR EVEN MAKES SENSE AS A THING. Let’s get these young women off of the streets and into schools, where even a fundamental THIRD GRADE EDUCATION will show that HUH?

Of course, a counter argument to the above argument is that it’s 2010, and maybe we should start treating women with enough respect that we do not get so worried that they are going to take their health care advice from a throwaway interview with a woman whose main claim to fame is running away from space robots that are also sometimes trucks.

Comments (33)
  1. Wait, raise your e-voices if anyone was listening to Megan fox to begin with…
    *eerie silence*
    Thought so. But she’s pretty right?

  2. I mean, not that this is a good diet tip or anything, but there is the Apple Cider Vinegar diet, whereby you decrease calories and eat a few tablespoons of vinegar as a hunger suppressant. Jus’sayne.

    • Endorsed by Vinegarologists everywhere!
      (Pro-tip: I’m a big fan of apple cider vinegar as a laundry additive because it smells better than white vinegar).

    • I regularly slip a couple splashes of apple cider vinegar into a glass of water once or twice a day. I could go into all the crazy new-agey “science” reasons why I began, but now I do it just out of habit.

    • My granny once told me that taking apple cider vinegar would cure anything… I tried it, and it nearly burnt my esophagus. I also smelled like pickles all day. Megan Fox should probably stop taking advice from my granny, also.

      On a side note, is it normal to feel the slightest tinge of anxiety posting for the first time? Although, that feeling might just be the apple cider vinegar still eroding my stomach lining.

  3. Hi, Coolforsale! Do you guys have any Diet Vinegar? My favorite starlet has been touting its stylish and avantgarde claims and my exquisite friends from all circles will come to order!

  4. Yeah, I’ve heard of vinegar diets prior to Megan Fox’s interview because I am a lady, and as a lady, information such as this comes across your desk from time to time. If you drink some vinegar, you basically won’t want to eat anything ever again. Magic! Also, you will smell like vinegar, and people won’t like you.

    • There’s the rub! 99.999999% of people on which Megan Fox is dependent to make a living DO NOT have to smell her! Only oogle her, which is now only slightly ruined for me. thankyouverymuchgum. thannkyouverymuchgum indeed.

  5. Who is this Megan Fox person, and where can I sign up for her newsletter?

  6. My aunt told me that vinegar was a good diet tip. Of course, she also told me that playing in traffic was a swell idea. So…yeah.

  7. What about the Malt Vinegar? Wont somebody please think of the Malt Vinegar? Megan Fox, your obvious snub of the Malt Vinegar makes me call all of your advice and decision making prowess into question. “I guess I’m a Vinegarist!” –Megan Fox

  8. Guess we know what’s on her nightstand…

  9. “… it gets rid of it really fast.” sounds like the clinically proven evidence I need to start this diet immediately.

  10. I don’t know about its efficacy as a diet tool, but if you eat a bunch of baking soda and then chase it with vinegar and some red food coloring, you can turn yourself into a human volcano.

  11. Sorry, Megan, but that’s not how science works.

  12. Awww, crap! Now my plans to make millions off of a diet and exercise book authored by Megan Fox (but actually by me) are for naught! I thought for sure people wanted to listen to and treat their bodies in the same manner as a wannabe porn star.

  13. “It will get rid of … for women who retain water weight from your menstrual cycle and all that”

    Megan Fox… more like Megan Camel, am I right? …sorry

  14. So seriously, if we were downloading and uploading Megan Fox into new 6th day sentience, that backup files gotta be only, what, 2 GB MAX?

  15. What a douche. Get it?

  16. Okay so these “experts” disagree. Let’s prove who is telling the truth scientifically. Show me Megan Fox and these diet experts side by side and let me choose which one has the healthiest boby.

  17. “The Transformers star has been blasted for hailing the benefits of swigging vinegar.”

    Good lookin’ out Megatron.

  18. I could have sworn that Megan Fox was an advocate of Dr. Spaceman’s “Cigarette Diet.”
    I also could have sworn that Megan Fox was diagnosed with diabetes in her foot and that she wanted to get it replaced with a wheel, but opted not to after realizing she would have to register herself with the DMV (despite the operation making her fit in better with her robot co-stars).

  19. I’ve heard of slash met a fair amount of people who drink vinegar for health reason. Not sayin’ it makes sense or anything, but at least Miss Fox shares this particular brand of crazy, instead of making it her own.

  20. Hey Megan! I read somewhere that Mae West had daily enemas because cleansing. Give that a shot…it might work. Or bulimia or Pinesol.

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