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On tonight’s season premiere of Man Vs. Wild, Bear Grylls gives himself an enema “for hydration”. Sure, Bear Grylls. I’m sure at parties Bear Grylls is like “I just need to rub this cocaine on my dick for CIRCULATION.” Dude is constantly rubbing cocaine on his dick at parties. In the desert. Anway, the clip of Bear Gyrlls giving himself an enema (for hydration) is a key marketing tool for the show apparently, so it is now available on-line and after the jump.

What this means, of course, is that we don’t have to watch Man Vs Wild. This is it! What else is going to happen? “I’ve used these leaves to keep the sun out of my face.” What? “I’m using the horizon to orient myself and I’m going to find a rockface in which to build a small fire.” MEH VS. SNOOZE. It is all downhill after the enema. That is what Bear Gryll’s tombstone says.

Enema after the jump.

Why is Bear Grylls water so dirty? “Obviously, the water in your canteen is mostly feces.” Uh, speak for your own canteen, Bear Grylls. The water in my canteen is CRYSAL CLEAR. This guy knows what I’m talking about:

Also, I can’t help but look at that closely cropped image of Bear Grylls floating on a homemade raft without thinking of this. That water could be three feet deep and have a bartender waiting just off camera with a mango daiquiri on a silver platter for all that I know. It’s called Hollywood, and it’s a liar. I like to believe that this is real, though. And that Bear Grylls just had to give himself that feces-water enema. You know, for hydration.

Next week on Man Vs. Wild: Bear Grylls is forced to eat part of his own face because of mountains.

Comments (44)
  1. oh boy. Enemas are the worst.

  2. I’d much rather just swim to the boat with all the cameras and production staff on it than sick a tube full of dirty water up my ass… But that’s just me.

    Also, I’ve never heard an English person say the word “Colon” before… It’s Amazing!

  3. MEH VS. SNOOZE! I was already pretty satisfied after we acquired our very own monkey boy to do our bidding (thanks for that) but MEH VS. SNOOZE is great.

  4. I’m so hard right now.

  5. Meanwhile, the camera operator gives the boom guy a concerned glance after taking a refreshing gulp of Aquafina.

  6. So, who gave the cameraman an enema?

  7. And if you’re hungry:

    ))<>((

  8. I’m not going to watch that, because ew, but I suggest that you turn to the infinitely superior Survivorman for your outdoor survivalist needs. Les Stroud never gave himself enemas, but I remember him playing the harmonica a lot. Plus, he was his own camera operator. In your face, Bear Grylls!

  9. Fetid turtle blood water!

  10. Hey Joe–meet your next T14TT assignment.

  11. “I have to shove this up my butt for survival purposes. And now I’m massaging my balls while I do it to help absorption.”

  12. I guess what separates Bear and me is that I hesitate quite a bit before performing anything close to the “last resort” where Bear seems to plunge right in.

  13. That clip was like watching a South Park parody of Man v. Wild, but seriously where is the animated gif?

  14. Man, thank god finally the mainstream media is acknowledging this alternative form of sustaining yourself. I’ve been shoving food up my ass for years, but the government didn’t want you to know about this. OPEN YOUR EYES, SHEEPLE!

  15. how has this guy not been in a john waters movie yet?

  16. Next week on Man Vs. Wild: Bear Grylls is forced to eat part of his own face because of mountains.

    Thanks for spoiling this week’s “You can make it up”

  17. I have to say, I am not sure what Wild did to deserve this. If I were wild, I might consider calling uncle about now, just go home and maybe drink some tea. Spend some time with my cat, pondering the halcyon days of yore, when my mind had not been burned with the image of Bear Grylls giving himself an enema.

  18. Man Vs. Just Staying Home

  19. His enema for hydration doesn’t even make sense though. Enemas just make you shit like crazy don’t they? That would DE-hydrate you. That’s why diarhea can kill you! I didn’t bother to watch the clip so maybe he explains why? Also a vodka enema is the absolute fastest way to get drunk, according to my college physiology professor. She was pretty hot actually but that had us rethinking our crushes.

    • Post a picture of this proctology-talkin’ pulchritudinous professor! (Just kidding.) (Not kidding.)

      • Well this was around 1993 or so at University of Georgia. She might still be there. Ya never know. Can’t remember her name. Just remember she was pretty cool for the most part. One of those “I love living in Athens so I’ll just keep going to school, ending up with a PhD and teaching job” types. She also had a pace-maker she bought at a yard sale.

  20. Who /doesn’t/ think of England when they take a shit?

    ….Just me and the Bear?

    …….It’s.. It’s okay… I’ll just see myself out of the Monster House.

  21. just lay back and think of England

  22. Bear will name his next child Enema, you mark my words.

  23. I’m 12 years old and what is this?

  24. 1980 Me: “You built a time machine? Cool. What is the future like?”
    2010 Me: “They show people giving themselves enemas on TV.”
    1980 Me: “No hovercars? No robot translators?”
    2010 Me: “No, just televised enemas.”

  25. I smell a Double Dog….

  26. God Gabe, why not show your age a little more? Coming up this week alone we can look forward to the JWoww/Snookerz dual enema (forever?), the Let’s Paint, Exercise, and Give Ourselves a Bird Shit Enema public access hour, and finally the Lindsay Stranded on a Raft Lifetime special.

  27. I hope that enema at least called him in the morning.

  28. “Enema after the jump.” Perfection.

  29. Oh, come on, stop hanging out with those frat boys. Your name is Bear, you’re already cool.

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