[Ed. note: Joe Mande is a stand-up comedian who has appeared on Comedy Central and Best Week Ever, and is the creator of the popular blog, Look At This Fucking Hipster (soon to be a popular book!). He is also a contributor to Videogum, and today I am excited to introduce Joe's brand new column, Taking One for the Team. It is similar to the now defunct Double Dog column in concept, since the idea is that Joe will be forced to do things that we don't want to do, for our education and amusement. Not that you should feel too bad for him. I mean, just to give you a sense of the man that Joe is, in December, Joe paid 20 dollars to go to a simulcast of Glenn Beck's The Christmas Sweater, WITHOUT EVEN BEING FORCED OR ANYTHING! So he deserves whatever he gets. For Joe's first T14TT, we gave him a very magical Avatar assignment. Here is Joe:]
Hi, Monsters! Happy New Year and welcome to my brand new Videogum column, “Taking One For The Team” (or, “T14TT” for short). As Gabe just explained, twice a month, I will offer my services (time, shamelessness, unemployment) to the readers of this website. I will do all the dumb things you’re too busy, scared, or grown up to do yourselves.
Now, before we jump right in, we need to set up some ground rules. Much like The Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time, there are certain things I won’t do out of principle.
- No weird sex shit. – There’s enough of that on the Internet already, don’t be gross.
- No Jackass shit. – I will not get hurt and go to the hospital for a blog.
- No bothering other people. – In the great Videogum Everywhere tradition, Agent Joe Mande will do all his damage in private.
There might be more rules added on as we go, but for now, let’s stick to those three.
My first assignment was to give myself an Avatar makeover like the girl in this video:
It turned out pretty well, I think. I really felt like I was transforming into a Na’vi! What I don’t understand is why James Cameron would go through all the trouble of complicated and expensive 3D CGI technology when all he needed was $30 worth of clown makeup from Ricky’s.
[Ed. note: LEGENDARY.]
So now it’s in your hands, monsters. What’s my next assignment? I mean, it’s not my place to say, but I know Tooth Fairy comes out Jan 22. I know none of you actually want to see it. (Does anyone have access to a lot of nitrous/know how to sneak a lot of nitrous into a movie theater?) Send your TOFTT ideas to email@example.com.