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The holidays may be a great time to watch movies, but it is apparently a terrible time for new movie trailers, based on the new movie trailers that appeared over the past couple of weeks. (It is called cleaning house, and we are doing a great job of it.) It’s already bad enough that it’s basically impossible to see a new movie trailer at the actual movies these days. That used to be half of the fun (I’m bad at math), wondering what glimpses of the exciting future you would be privy to at a new movie. Nowadays you have already (read: I have already) seen everything on-line. NO SURPRISES IN THIS LIFE. But if that is the case, the movie trailers could at least be GOOD. Even a movie that is obviously going to be terrible should be able to pull out a halfway decent movie trailer. It is two minutes and you’re both allowed and encouraged to use all the best parts.

Nevertheless, there was no saving the trailers for Cop Out, Sex and the City 2, or Knight and Day, all of which are after the jump.

Um, obviously Sex and the City 2 already looked miserable. But the voice over in this trailer is really Next Level Bad. “It’s been two years, and in two years amazing things can happen, things that you would never thought would happen in a million years.” That sentence was seriously written by a mentally retarded 0-year-old. Excuse me, Mr. Pulitzer, do you give out awards for amazing sentences in movie trailers, and I have a follow up? How many Pulitzers do you give away for amazing sentences in movie trailers, because here’s another one: “And just when you think that you’ve seen it all, it hits you: you haven’t seen anything yet.”

Yiiiiiiikes. It is a good thing that Tracy Morgan has had his “Videogum Promise” in effect for years, because a promise is a promise, and that is going to keep him out of Videogum Jail forever, but also YIIIIIIIIIIKES.

Get it? It’s like Mr. and Mrs. Smith but even worse. Do you remember how Mr. and Mrs. Smith was really bad? Imagine if it was worse than that. That is what this is.

At least the new Inception trailer is pretty good? These other trailers stink! Let’s get back on track to being great, 2010!

Comments (55)
  1. the inception trailer was doohly apointed federal huh?

  2. maybe i’m just crazy but Cop Out looks pretty tbs very funny

  3. Sex and the City: I know I haven’t seen any of it, and even after it hits me I’ll be proud to say that I still haven’t seen any of it.

  4. I wanna see the list of cities that were crossed out before the studio execs said “Put those whores in Egypt!”

  5. Man, yeah, I saw the Cop Out trailer ahead of Sherlock Holmes and I started to get really upset at how terrible it looks. The only redeemable part of it is the “knock knock” bit at the end, but even that is only because I can laugh at Tracy Morgan making that face and yelling “No! No! Hell no!” for any period of time at any time of the day .

  6. i watched the trailer for successful alcoholics as a palate cleanser.

  7. I’ve watched the Iron Man 2 trailer a fair few times, and was worried it was being a bit too self-consciously dark and moody. But today I actually saw it on the proverbial big screen and it suddenly looks fantastic.
    Anyway, the old way of doing trailers (three years ago counts as old, right?) is the best way.

    • is that proverbial? i thought it was literal.

      • Depends what it is relative to. Relative to tv screens, yeah, relative to some of the big outdoor screens you get, not really.
        *Today’s Comment Was Brought To You By TheCapu’s School of Semantic Dilemmas*

        • No! Proverbial means like, when someone leaves and then comes back. Like Lindsay just did. Proverbial son. Look it up. Also, please don’t look that up. Please.

          • I looked it up.

          • Okay, now what did I say about looking it up? I said “don’t” right? I was very clear about this. I specifically said, “don’t look it up.” But anyways—so what did you find? You looked up “proverbial” in the dictionary and it was a picture of Lindsay, Class of ’09, coming back to visit Videogum and posting a comment right? The proverbial son returns! (hey, just let me know if I’m not running this joke into the ground enough okay?)

  8. Is it wrong that I get a huge boner every time I hear the Sex and the City theme song? Especially sweeping big band arrangements. And Cop Out looks GREAT! Did you see when Tracy Morgan was stuffing all those tortilla chips in his mouth? HAHAHA — genius.

  9. Oh my god, they used that carry/Carrie joke TWICE. Do they think it’s just so clever that it begs repeating?

  10. i’m getting a little bit of a “i wish i had made Pulp Fiction and i wish it was MY kind of funny” vibe from Cop Out. diner scene? check. fight in car that mentions shooting someone in the face? check. trunk shot? check.

  11. Uhh any lingering questions about the awfulness of “Cop Out” were answered in the very last frame: “Directed by Kevin Smith”. (also the original title for the film was, I’m serious, “A Couple Of Dicks”. if they had any balls they would’ve stuck with that. Cop out, indeed!)

  12. Indeed, but in all fairness they had to change it due to advertisng regulations..but still yeah. you gotta give kevin smith some cred, clerks was a pretty good film. not a classic though, as some think of it. oh dear im rambling im sorry.

  13. Tom Cruise in a Red Sox hat is just too much douche

  14. I think you were a little hard on Knight and Day. I’m not saying it looks good, but if my mom told me she wanted to see it I wouldn’t be mad at her.

  15. I really hope that whoever is responsible for that stock footage of the Chrysler Building, makes a million dollars every time that shot gets used in a movie that takes place in NYC. Because that way he’d (or she–you’ve come a long way lady camerapeople!!) have a million million dollars. You might think that would be *billion* but it’s not. It’s million million.

  16. I think Cop Out is the movie adaptation of the poster, Black Cop/White Cop.

  17. For real, that Cop Out used to be called Two Dicks. But the new title makes me think of a terrible Kevin Smith film about an openly gay police officer.

  18. Dear Sex and the City 2 Trailer Makers – is it really necessary to give away the ENTIRE plot of the movie? You’ve ruined what was supposed to be a magical moment in my life!

    • …and what was that plot? All I saw were 4 old ladies meeting in restaurants, getting out of expensive cars, and strutting through sand dunes. I watched the series and saw the first movie and am not remotely interested in seeing this movie now. That trailer was just horrible.

  19. So, yeah, I laughed at “Nobody move or I’ll kill myself and then her.”

    I can never take back that laugh. Never. I will carry this shame with me always, or at least an hour.

  20. Sheesh, Cop Out looks ridiculously terrible! Like blow my mind terrible! Kevin Smith, you’ve fallen and you can’t get up!

  21. Also it’s funny if you say like, “C’mon son!.” Try it, “Proverbial son!” like i just did very loudly in my office thus earning the respect and awe of everyone around me.

  22. The end of the Knight and Day trailer had me on edge.
    Both actors were double-fisting some guns, one a trained combat character, the other being Cameron Diaz (who, as we all know from the Charlie’s Angels films, does not usually use guns). So as they were both crouched behind that crate/box, all I could think of was Diaz nervously squeezing a trigger of either of those guns, shooting Cruise in the face and ending the film and the trailer.
    That would have been so nice…

    • P.S. I like (I don’t like) how they brought back the Risky Business sunglasses for Tom. They probably could have called the film Risky Business. In fact, I bet that’s what it was called, but then Tom Cruise signed on to do it and the studio had to change the name to avoid the Cruise-confusion, but then they brought in the sunglasses as a nod to the original title.

  23. NOOO!!!

    The totally stole the title “Cop Out” from me! I was going to make a movie about a cop who goes undercover as a cop and use that as the title.

  24. Um, four words: HOT TUB TIME MACHINE

  25. Did any one see the trailer for Death at a Funeral? Tracy Morgan saved that trailer!

  26. Say what you might about the Sex City 2 trailer, I just felt like I’ve been reunited with 4 old friends.

  27. You guys, what happened to Sean William Scott? Is he ok? I’m genuinely concerned.

  28. I felt warm feelings about Knight and Day because I saw a moustachioed Marc Blucas and I was like D’AWWW

  29. “Next thing I know, I’m in Grand Theft Auto on the I-93″ …. COMEDIC GOLD!!!!

  30. When a tagline is “carrie on” you wonder what the rejects were….

    also, nice Grand Theft Auto reference “DIAZ.” Speakin’ to the kids.

  31. when i went to see “up in the air” there were trailers for movies with nicolas cage, john travolta AND mel gibson…vom.

  32. When are they really going to make Honky Grandma Be Trippin’?

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