When the first trailer for Eagle Eye came out, I wondered if maybe we weren’t all getting a little Shia LaBeoufatigue. But that was back in late May. We’ve had almost a month for the media whirlwind that surrounded Indiana Jones to die down, and we’ve even had a Shia LaScandal. As far as Hollywood’s concerned, that’s plenty of time to get excited for more Shia! We almost forgot who he was for three days last week. Besides, he needs to repair his image now, and if we’ve learned anything from the greatest President the United States has ever had, George W. Bush, it’s that the best way to make people like you is through the threat of terrorism.

I’m glad to see that Shia learned one of the first rules of being smart which is when you walk into your apartment and it’s filled with mysterious guns, TOUCH EVERYTHING. Did you know that Eagle Eye is based on an original idea by Steven Spielberg? Yeah, he had this idea where you could make a whole movie just based on stuff that you saw in other movies, and he sold it to himself for a million dollars. I have a feeling I know what was on Spielberg’s Netflix queue right before he was hit with the genius lightning.

The Matrix

The Fugitive

The Game

Live Free or Die Hard

Ransom

North by Northwest

Seven

Sphere

This is what it would be like if Disaster Movie was a drama. Steven Spielberg has so many ideas. He’s an idea factory. You can just put Steven Spielberg in a room by himself with nothing but a pen and paper and TV and DVD player and stack of 100 DVDs and he can come up with 100 ideas.