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The 2009 edition of Franklin Leonard’s annual Black List has been revealed. Basically, this guy Franklin Leonard is some Ari Gold in Hollywood, and he asks 311 of his fellow agents and producers and executives and Hollywood BROS (the number is a reference to Leonard’s favorite band, probably) to vote on their favorite unproduced screenplays of the year. It is basically the best place to find out about movies that you may or may not see in two years from now from the would be Diablos Cody of the world. It’s kind of interesting, I guess. Last year’s list, of course, included Walter Black’s now legendary screenplay (you know how legendary screenplays can get) for The Beaver, which was filmed this year, starring Mel Gibson (?) and directed by Jody Foster (??). It’s the list where Vinnie Chase discovered Medellin, I’m sure.
In any case, another Black List was also released today, which is Gabe Delahaye’s Annual List of Unproduced Imaginary Movies. This goes over great ever year. If you don’t believe me, check out last year’s EPIC comment thread. And then check out My Black List after the jump.
- Dragon At The Wedding
- Mentally Ill Man Has A Sad Job 2: Dump
- Two Dorks In Fucking Love
- I’m Sick!
- Welcome To Blog Town
- Life Is All Around Us
- Black Rape
What a great list I just made up. Very worth it. This is probably the most popular thing I do every year, so far be it from me to not give the PEOPLE what they WANT.
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 My The Black List, 2010 |
I heard Nicolas Cage just bought up the rights to Mentally Ill Man Has A Sad Job 2: Dump
Wasn’t that already released under the name Bangkok Dangerous: Port of Call – Dump?
I’m pretty sure he had to sell one of his European mansions to buy up those rights. Get it? Because he doesn’t have as much money as he used to have.
?
At the risk of digging up some of those very powerful emotions from last year’s comment thread, I think the time has come for “Wizard Community College”
Aw, that comment thread. Back when it was easy to get through!
is Black Rape just about rape or rape rape?
Black Rape is the sequel to Being White Is Hard.
More like, The Commentor following Spice Weasel is Hard…. (I think that is how I meant to joke it).
…and the prequel to Black Rape Rape.
“Tell-Tale Tart: Living the Pimped Life” got passed over LAST year and I see, *ahem* prostitution underrepresented AGAIN on this years black list. Working girl rapecism.
I’m just waiting for the sequel- Black Rape-Rape. Starring the Ghost of Whoopie Goldberg’s Dignity and The Embodiment in Flesh of the Downfall of Western Civilization. It’s a buddy comedy.
I just upvoted something from 2008.
If you look at the actual list, the best/worst one by far is “Doc and Howie Whack A Granny”.
Let’s all imagine what it would be like if it gets made, starring Jeremy Piven and Seth MacFarlane (doing Stewie’s voice the whole time, naturally).
Also, looking forward to the WMOAT entry for this gem:
15. MIXTAPE by Stacey Menear
What it’s about: ?A thirteen year old outcast finds a mixtape that belonged to the deceased parents she never knew, accidentally destroys it, and uses the song list to go on a journey to find all the music in an attempt to get to know her parents.?
And her journey ends 15 minutes later with a successful iTunes purchase. Hooray for self-growth!
I know, right? Find me a 13 year old who even knows what a cassette tap is.
It’s what you turn to make the cassettes flow into the music sink.
It’s what you turn to make the cassettes flow into the music sink.
Humour through repetition?
Music Sink is my new experimental noise band. You’re in it too.
I’ll hum and play the washboard.
Hopefully we can get Vincent Ward, directors of classics like “Dreams May Come”, to helm “Life Is All Around Us”.
Yes, Vincent Ward is a siamese twin (are a siamese twin?), so “directors.
Childhood Memory Slaughter: 2 Many Classixx 2 Fucking Ruin
Her Oven Was Hot: My Wife, My Ho was passed over again this year. Back to the drawing board…
I hope “Two Dorks in Fucking Love” stars Anton Yeltchin and Madeleine Martin. Actually, I am probably going to start writing this screenplay now.
28. BALLS OUT by The Robotard 8000 (Tim Talbott and Malcolm Spellman)
?When insurance salesman Jim Simmers has a near death experience, he decides that nothing matters except getting a promotion, a new car, and the hot girl from work. Jim’s new attitude alienates his friends and co-workers, and he must figure out how to live his new life without losing his old one.?
fyi – I just took that one from the real list.
Why does he care about alienating his friends if he’s decided they don’t matter anymore?
(Don’t mind me – I’m always trying to show off my Ph.D. in Logic from Movie Plots University.)
My comment for this thread was written by my Uncle Jack, who wrote jokes for Playboy in 1972
“THE HAND JOB by Maggie Carey.” I hope that’s coming soon.
Well, you know the Hollywood game. It’s got to be massaged pretty hard before we get to see the glorious final product projected onto our faces.
74. THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY by Mark Bomback
What it’s about: ?Based on the comic book written by Gerard Way. After being raised by a brilliant scientist and a hyper-intelligent chimp, six super-powered former ?child superheroes? reunite to stop one of their own from leading a violin symphony that will destroy the world.?
Sounds like a perfect vehicle for Robin Williams, but who will play the scientist?
Gonna go create 25 shell accounts so I can upvote this 25 more times. BRB.
Awww. Nobody has ever offered to game the system on my behalf before.
I can’t speak for the film or the screenplay (obviously), but the two Umbrella Academy mini-series to have come out so far have both really been a lot of fun.
Gerard Way surprised the comic book community with his writing.
The first volume won the 2008 Eisner Award (comic book Oscars) for Best Limited Series.
My only gripe with the series so far was at the beginning of the second story arc there’s a flashback where the kids are fighting a giant stone Abe Lincoln from the Lincoln Memorial and they defeat him by having a giant John Wilkes Booth show up and shoot Lincoln in the face and I was all like, “HELLO? Watch SOUTH PARK MUCH?”
Gabriel Bá’s art is really good. His storytelling is top-notch.
SWINGLES by Zach Braff
What it’s about: ?A bachelor who is dumped by his wingman teams up with a sharp-tongued woman he can’t stand in order to meet women.?
Just going to post this. It sounds like a terrible, terrible idea. That will most likely get made. Ugh.
THE BLIND RAGE OF PEACOAT MILLER by Adam Penn
?A college student home for the holidays discovers that an internet porn film turns its viewer into homicidal maniacs. As the epidemic spreads, he has to save his longtime crush while struggling to control his own urges.?
I was so in the middle of posting that one. 2010′s The Ring! But, pornier.
obvs RPattz plays the college student.
Damn it! This sounds just like the movie I’m writing right now: MUST RESIST WHACKING WHILE WHACKING.
I’m confused that Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps is on that list. I thought that was already in production with Shia LaBeouf riding motorcycles around New York City and Fox testing tag lines like “Greed Is Gooder” and “When You Play the Market, Not Everyone Comes Out Even Stevens.”
If Diane Keaton doesn’t star in I’m Sick! and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is absent from Dragon At the Wedding I’m not going to movies no more.
CATMERA
A cat with a video camera behind its eyes is the only witness to a heinous crime. I forget what happens next.
(this was actually a screenplay written by a student in one of my English classes in college.)
28. BALLS OUT by The Robotard 8000 (Tim Talbott and Malcolm Spellman)
?When insurance salesman Jim Simmers has a near death experience, he decides that nothing matters except getting a promotion, a new car, and the hot girl from work. Jim’s new attitude alienates his friends and co-workers, and he must figure out how to live his new life without losing his old one.?
What in the what? …The Robotard 8000?
last year’s comment thread is adorable. muppet baby monsters.
Not that we didn’t already know that the reason Gabe was in California was to pitch Welcome to Blog Town, a docu-drama about how unfairly television comedies are scheduled across networks during the week.
I have a killer pitch for YOUTUBE: The Movie! Im just waiting to get infront of some hollywood bigshots
BOOK SMART by Emily Halpern and Sarah Haskins: ?Two overachieving high school seniors realize the only thing they haven’t accomplished is having boyfriends, and each resolves to find one by prom.?
This sounds awful, but Sarah Haskins co-wrote. I think that might outweigh how fucking awful it sounds!
I would watch that.
Wait, these are all real titles for real things! I thought they were fake! But they are real! Just like Hollywood.
33. STREETS ON FIRE by Justin Britt-Gibson
?Two cops, reluctantly partnered, try to bring down a drug syndicate while navigating the streets of Chicago.?
I HOPE ONE GUY IS WHITE WITH A DEATH WISH AND THE OTHER IS A MIDDLE AGED BLACK MAN WHO IS TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT.
Sandra Bullock Falls in Love, for Realz This Time starring Dax Sheperd
I am sure “My Sister is Marrying a Douchebag” will be a classic.
I dunno, we’ve all already seen “My Sister Is Marrying A Douchebag, And Also I Am A Douchebag” (US title: Margot at the Wedding).
i wonder if we all work together and set out to write the worst screenplay imaginable if we can mae the blacklist next year. who’s with me?
‘make the blacklist next year’
PhotoshopDisaster: The Movie
70. ALLIES WITH BENEFITS by Elizabeth Wright Shapiro
What it’s about: ?The female President of The United States falls for her old college fling, the now Prime Minister of England.?
If this movie gets made and it doesn’t star Hugh Grant and Sandy Bullock, I will eat my hat.
Any of these titles seems like the perfect vehicle for a future Topher Grace project
Hipster Movie: Awkward In Love With A Soundtrack of Whiny Bands
Depending on how you read some of these descriptions, its hard to tell if they are intended to be comedies or dramas or horor – I’m looking squarely at you, “The Blind Rage of Peacoat Miller”.
What?
GOOD LOOKING by Chris McCoy
?In a future where dating services perfectly match soulmates, a man rejects the person chosen for him.?
The end!
However, this one sounds amazing.
THE BLIND RAGE OF PEACOAT MILLER by Adam Penn
?A college student home for the holidays discovers that an internet porn film turns its viewer into homicidal maniacs. As the epidemic spreads, he has to save his longtime crush while struggling to control his own urges.?
for the kids: ‘sexting: the movie’
PARENT DAD
Obviously we missed one. Why is COOLFORSALE: THE RECKONING not on here? A post-apocalyptic disaster movie (I’m crossing my fingers for Roland Emmerich as director!!!) whose climax involves the future videogum intern deleting and/or getting an amazing deal on an ipod and a polo shirt after coolforsale has blown up the 3 of the 7 continents (and also the White House).
I was going to make a joke about “THE PONY KEG, a documentary about the guys who work at the drive-thru liquor store across from my apartment building” –
… and then I realized that that would actually be amazing. DIBS!
The Days Before By Chad St. John
What?s it about: A man from the future keeps hopping one successive day into the past desperate to stop a vicious race of time-traveling aliens from wiping out humanity.
Didn’t Nic Cage already make this movie? Twice?
DOC AND HOWIE WHACK A GRANNY by Steve Leff
What it’s about: ?Two men, Doc and Howie, inadvertently kill an elderly woman when they neglect to help her carry groceries up stairs. The incident puts them in position to get closer to the woman’s attractive granddaughters, and they struggle with deciding whether to tell the women the truth about the circumstances under which they met.?
They had me at the title.
Where’s Independence Dad?
Fog That Eats Debauched, Attractive Teenagers
service is our list! this film is definitely getting an asia-pacific regional oscar