satc_2_poster.jpg

Look, I know that it’s almost Y2K10, so it’s a little late to start speaking truth to Big Sex and the City (or is the expression speaking truth to Mr. Big Sex and the Ci–[gunshot]). That ship has sailed. I’m pretty sure the last anti-Sex and the City rant that anyone cared about or that had anything new to say was posted on an angelfire site.

“Don’t you guys think that Sex and the City is mildly offensive trash?”
–Jukt Micronics Mission Statement

Nevertheless. Ladies. C’mon sons.

For one thing, what is that tagline? That tagline clearly went to the Sherlock Holmes School of Taglines. Not only is it lazy and cheap, it doesn’t even make any sense. Tim Gunn, I guess? Are all of the clothes in this episode* going to be made by emotionally unhinged would-be reality show stars of varying levels of technical proficiency but equal talents for making fools of themselves? Queer Eye for the Zing Guy!

But in addition to the tagline there is EVERYTHING ELSE.

Am I really supposed to believe that Carrie Bradshaw is a runway model or something? Sarah Jessica Parker is 73 years old! Sure, she wears fancy clothes, but it’s not for a photo shoot. It’s to accompany her rich husband to a 5:30PM dinner at La Grenouille with the rest of the Upper East Side senior citizens trying to spend their money as quickly as they can before they die and the children they’ve spent a lifetime trying to neglect get their filthy worthless claws on it. GLAMOUROUS!

Unless…just maybe…the reason that New York City is blown out in a wash of white light is that this movie is actually about someone successfully detonating a nuclear device in Manhattan. I would pay good money to see Sarah Jessica Parker pushing a shopping cart through the ash covered wastes as she hid from roving gangs of cannibals, even if she was wearing that ridiculous outfit while she did so. Maybe especially if she was wearing that ridiculous outfit.

*Haha. I typed “episode” by accident, but it’s pretty accurate. I’m not fixing it until they fix their movie (fix = put to sleep, right? #dogwords).

Comments (69)
  1. I don’t get it, is her mutant power telepathy or diamond skin?

  2. It’s like it’s saying to all the fans “Don’t worry, the recession didn’t affect you favourite rich people!!!”

  3. Actually is the hidden message here something about her being chased by a giant number 2.

  4. Not to mention her Fear and Loathing Photoshop Sunglasses… I live down south, and have only been to New York once. Is there a desert highway in Manhattan I am not aware of?

  5. Condoleeza Rice wrote the original tagline: “We don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.”

  6. They really screwed up the Watchmen 2 poster. Mr. Manhattan the transvestite is way too CGI looking.

  7. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  8. Besides everything being wrong with this picture, my main problem is: Carrie would never wear that white tshirt dress from Lauren Conrad’s Kohl’s line. What the heck is that? Most of the other people on my SATC2 yahoo fangroup feel the same.

  9. Apparently you can own those sunglasses for only $525.00…

    http://www.patriciafield.com/mykita-and-bernhard-willhelm-limited-edt.aspx

  10. I give up. the friggin picture reminds me of the fear and Loathing in las Vegas poster. ugh

  11. Nice shades!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  12. When you referenced Jukt Micronics, I smiled because of Jukt Micronics. Then I imagined it as Ject Micronics. Steven Seagal and I had a good laff about that one.

  13. NYC Appears to be ablaze in white light. 2012 + Independence day=SatC2?

  14. I think this poster was trying to draw from the Lady Gaga aesthetic but failed. Also c’mon guys, that dress cost 24.95 and is from Target. Let’s try harder next time, wardrobe people.

  15. 1) So excited that Gabe posted something I sent him

    2) I think the sunglasses less of a terrible Photoshop job and more of an okay Blingee creation
    Even I can do it!
    SATC2OMGXOXOGOSSIPGIRL
    Create cool Profile Comments

  16. least appetizing blowjob face ever.

  17. I like Carrie’s shoes.

  18. am i the only one who thinks her knees look really old in this picture? I mean, they are old but they photoshopped the neck waddle and liver spots. Whoever was in charge of de-olding must have gotten tired/stopped caring. or stopped CARRIE-ing lolamiright?

    • “Pet Peeves: people’s knees. Especially super old lady ones. Cover those things up if you’re gonna go out in public!” — Charlie Kelly

  19. Carrie On
    Char-Lottes of Love.
    Miran-Da Bomb
    Samanthastic!

  20. the white light behind her kinda looks like someone blew up the hatch, or turned the frozen donkey wheel. can we hope she’ll experience some temporal displacement and start bleeding from her nose and die? we all know fashion changes too quickly to be her constant.

  21. I have so many problems with this that I can’t even decide what to write. I think my main problem is who the hell would have any desire to see this movie?. And don’t tell me it’s the audience of the original HBO show, because most of those people are dead by now because that show was on TV basically a million years ago. Besides that, didn’t the other movie get widely panned? I feel like anyone who had any interest in a SATC movie got it out of their system and is ready to move on … to the Entourage movie.

  22. “Carrie on” Oh haha it’s funny because her name is Carrie. Wait, no, that’s still not funny.

    PUN FAIL

    • It would (almost) (almost) work if she had gone through a hardship of some kind or just broken up with someone and was trying to get back out there. It fails even worse than normal fail when she just married a bajillionaire and has not a care in the world.

  23. Diamond Skin?! OMG WHAT A RIP-OFF!

  24. An ode to diamond dust:

  25. How are they going to make a sequel to The Wrestler and why is Mickey Rourke wearing a dress?

    • lamo. it looks like they’re tring to put a kanye west background with an almost famous (kinda) look. please now insert kate hudson who i would actually be happy to look at

  26. I’m sure my opinion will be unpopular but when this movie was a show, it was a pretty good show. It wasn’t always just about clothes and money and terrible people. The dialogue was always pretty sharp and the characters were all flawed but interesting. Then as the series progressed, it became too popular for it’s own good which culminated in a movie that basically was a caricature of what the series once was.

    • Yup. I was unemployed once too.
      Caught all the episodes on dvd while I slept on an air mattress in my sister’s living room.
      I agree with you.

  27. not enough bling in that poster, also we need to rastify her by 10%

  28. So that’s what’s hiding under the V’s human skin. I can’t wait to see it eat a gerbil.

  29. FYI, in dogwords, “fix” means to chop the nuts off of. Still works here, though.

  30. I guess Chris Brown designed that outfit.

  31. carried away

    i was trying for the movie “carrie” but i just ended up with lady gaga.

  32. Carrie on my wayward Samantha, amirite??

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  34. Well, they’ve set the bar high with the initial tag line, can’t wait to see the others:

    -Miranda Warning
    -Charlotte of fun
    -Samanthanasia

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  36. Ha I get it, coming soon. Gross.

  37. I mean honestly…who would have SEX with HER?
    I would…

  38. Carrie, you predictable little strumpet! I see no panty lines!!!

    P.S. Your knees look like balled up aluminum foil.

  39. If those sweet Kanye glasses mean they’re doing the whole movie in autotune, I’m so in.

  40. Whatttt????? Oh my, they’re making a part 2?? Why???? Does any guy think this chick is hot… at all????

  41. Maybe it means that now she is so rich, she just hires people to carry her. I mean, she chased after Big for about 50 years and like 8 marriages. It’s tiring being that codependent.

    But hey, look SHINY!! Why are we all thinking so much? Just look into the light and “oooooo”

  42. michael jackson just died. his will said, please let me live on through SITC2. HONOR HIM!

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